It’s surreal to watch someone die.
It’s not like the movies. There’s no “death rattle.” One minute, there’s a beating heart and breathing lungs powering a flesh suit with a personality, and the next minute, nothing.
14 years ago, I was sitting by my father’s bedside as he died. I’d been there since the night before; sitting on the floor, holding his hand, listening to him pass in and out of awareness. It had been six months since we’d rushed him to the hospital and gotten the diagnosis: advanced prostrate cancer. Five months and three weeks since I’d convinced him to have radical surgery—a bilateral orchiectomy—which didn’t save his life, but probably bought him some time. I was with Mom when the docs told us he had days left to live. I made her swear there and then that she wouldn’t give up on life because she was losing her life partner.
My dad died quietly in his sleep, surrounded by family, in the house he bought for my Mom in 1964 and raised his family in. I was holding his hand when his pulse slowed to a stop. When he stopped breathing, the family lost it. I called 911, had the paramedics confirm time and cause of death, signed the DNR.
I watched my Dad die. I wish he could have stuck around a bit longer, and watched me live.
Then I went back into the room where my father’s body lay, and touched his hand: it was cold. Whatever processes that powered his flesh suit had fled; it was in that moment I knew that whatever was laying in that bed, now slowly decaying, wasn’t my Dad anymore.
There’s a thousand stories I could tell about my Dad, a million questions I’d ask if he was still alive. Right now, if I could, I’d ask about the mole that sat on his right nostril. I’ve got the same mole in the exact same place; when it first appeared sometime in my 30s, I thought it was an unusually robust pimple. I wish I knew when his manifested, what other things I might have had in common with him as we grew up.
I watched my Dad die. I wish he could have stuck around a bit longer, and watched me live. I’m a little more like you every day Daddio; a little more like me.
—
Join The Good Men Project Community.
“Here’s the thing about The Good Men Project. We are trying to create big, sweeping, societal changes—–overturn stereotypes, eliminate racism, sexism, homophobia, be a positive force for good for things like education reform and the environment. And we’re also giving individuals the tools they need to make individual change—-with their own relationships, with the way they parent, with their ability to be more conscious, more mindful, and more insightful. For some people, that could get overwhelming. But for those of us here at The Good Men Project, it is not overwhelming. It is simply something we do—–every day. We do it with teamwork, with compassion, with an understanding of systems and how they work, and with shared insights from a diversity of viewpoints.” —– Lisa Hickey, Publisher of The Good Men Project and CEO of Good Men Media Inc.
The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS—join as many of our new Social Interest Groups, calls about life in the 21t century, and classes (writing, platform building, leadership, social change) as you want for the entire year. The $20 Gold Level gives you access to any ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–and other benefits listed below the form. Or…for $5, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission.
Register New Account
*Payment is by PayPal.
Please note: If you are already a writer/contributor at The Good Men Project, log in here before registering. (Request new password if needed).
◊♦◊
ANNUAL PLATINUM membership ($50 per year) includes:
1. AN ALL ACCESS PASS — Join ANY and ALL of our weekly calls, Social Interest Groups, classes, workshops and private Facebook groups. We have at least one group phone call or online class every day of the week.
2. See the website with no ads when logged in!
3. PLATINUM MEMBER commenting badge and listing on our “Friends of The Good Men Project” page.
***
ANNUAL GOLD membership ($20 per year) includes all the benefits above — but only ONE Weekly Social Interest Group and ONE class.
***
ANNUAL BRONZE membership ($5 per year) is great if you are not ready to join the full conversation but want to support our mission anyway. You’ll still get a BRONZE commenting badge, a listing on our Friends page, and you can pop into any of our weekly Friday Calls with the Publisher when you have time. This is for people who believe—like we do—that this conversation about men and changing roles and goodness in the 21st century is one of the most important conversations you can have today.
♦◊♦
We have calls about these topics 7 days a week! Join us by becoming a Platinum or Gold member. (Click on the graphic for more information about the calls and to RSVP for them.)
♦◊♦
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
◊♦◊
Photo Credit: Getty Images
