Our situation may not be ideal. It might be a matter of putting all our chips on the table and seeing what unfolds. Or there could be something hidden beneath the surface starting to shine.
It might take a while for others to see its worth, but time could also be the thing to motivate us. We continue traveling down our paths – whatever they might be – not realizing we’re doing something worthy of being respected or admired. Then, people begin to pay attention for the right reasons. Heads slowly start to turn and there’s a sense of responsibility on our part, to not only live up to our own standards but those of people who have put any amount of faith in us as well
There are no words when the moment arrives. There’s only a tremendous amount of gratitude, which I felt as I started to ease into life as a college student. I continued turning in what I thought were clean, well-written assignments. I didn’t think they were masterpieces or works of art, but I didn’t think they were sloppy, either.
I wanted to see what would happen if I stayed on this path, given the fact one of my professors noticed something important without me having to draw attention to it. The moment lit a fire underneath me because it was pure and genuine. More importantly, it wasn’t based on my disability.
I wanted to have more moments like that. In the back of my mind, there wasn’t a better place than Penn State Altoona to create such meaningful moments. I looked at every assignment as a reason to show my professors I belonged where I was. I also tried to soak in every bit of feedback or wise words they sent my way.
I wanted to learn everything I could about writing because it was a world I had been exploring for as long as I could remember. I told myself, ‘Just keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll be fine. They’ll see what you’re trying to show them in due time. Part of this was because I had something to prove like I always have. Along the way, however, I started to get a deeper sense that something monumental was happening.
My professors didn’t cater to me. They didn’t make the assignments easier or talk to me like I had no idea what I was doing in their classes. I tried to keep in mind that they didn’t know what to expect when I rolled in. They had every right to believe I wasn’t worth their time, and I wouldn’t have been shocked or offended if they did.
They fortunately didn’t, as they treated me the way I had always wanted to be treated – especially by people I didn’t know or didn’t know me. If anything, it was the way I’d always been told I should be treated. They showed a level of compassion and professionalism that truly allowed me to find out who and what I was meant to be.
They didn’t question my abilities. They simply let me spread my wings. I’m sure there was some uncertainty below the surface, but I never saw it. It felt as if they held the key to loosen the chains I carried for so long. I didn’t want to let it slip through my fingers – and they would make sure I earned it.
I knew my professors weren’t complimenting me simply for the sake of saying nice, positive things. They were paying much closer attention than I thought they were – and it wasn’t because they felt pity for me. In fact, it was the complete opposite.
I was sitting in one of my English classes, working on an outline for an assigned essay, when I heard, “Erin, you’ve got magic in your fingers!” I looked up to see another one of my professors quietly reading what I’d written so far.
That alone made me feel like everything I did before college wasn’t a waste. I never felt like I had to earn the right to be treated like a normal human being, but this was a suddenly clear validation of why I should have felt that way all along. In this moment, however. it was more than a simple feeling of, ‘I’m really grateful to be here!’
It was even more than knowing I had a real opportunity to do something worthwhile with my life. The feeling was rushing through my body was one of personal truth – a certainty arose. This part of my journey was not going to be a free ride because of my shortcomings and preconceived disadvantages.
I didn’t expect to be. I’d never gotten a pass because of my cerebral palsy before. I wasn’t about to give anyone a reason to think I needed one now. I came too far and worked too hard to show people the wrong things at this point.
It wasn’t a matter of ‘now or never’. It was a way for me to continue earning what my professors gave me – whether it was advice, praise, or respect.
If you do something for the sake of doing it, you might get some attention. If you do it with purpose, however, people are bound to take notice. Whatever you do, however, do it because it matters.
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