When psychologists study power dynamics, they find that people at lower levels of power are more hesitant and cautious when expressing their opinions and ideas, and even evasive, worried about making mistakes or causing discomfort.
When pursuing girls, this communication power is often unequal. Boys love girls and pursue their pursuits, and in most cases, they are in a disadvantaged position of “communication power”.
In the process of male and female communication, it is common for men to appear unnatural, cautious, nervous, hesitant, afraid of saying the wrong thing, and afraid of being rejected.
When boys chase girls, it is easy to produce a fawning, pleasing, unconditional compromise attitude this is a big taboo in love.
The more you sacrifice, the more you are likely to be asked for. This is an instinct of human nature, and even unconscious psychology.
Therefore, men and women, especially boys, should not excessively lower their “power status” when pursuing their favorite girls. The more cautious they are, the more likely they are to make mistakes.
When communicating with the girl they like, boys will generally unconsciously praise them excessively, which will cause discomfort to the girls and lead to the failure of communication.
Therefore, neither humble nor arrogant is an important communication principle in the relationship between men and women.
01 Cold chat
Cold chat, also known as the cold start of a conversation, refers to the need to communicate without knowing the other person’s background.
A common mistake in cold chatting is the “checking your account” type of inquiry. It’s stiff and particularly irritating.
Where are you from? What do you do for a living? What major do you study? This way of communication is like the elders’ condolence to the younger generation, and all ends in failure.
However, even the simplest form of communication can be fun if it has a sense of humor.
Emotionally intelligent communication goes something like this:
Besides math, I’ll quiz you on geography. Where do you live?
Is the same “check account” way, but appears more humorous and wit.
Of course, the above cases do not exist in general and may be more common in the interest of students.
To make the initiation of cold chat more natural, we can find the topic of communication through these two points
talk about people and things she might know
For example, when you come to a city to travel, when you are wandering around the street, you see a lovely young lady. You want to get to know her. Maybe she lives here for a long time, maybe not.
However, if you ask for directions, you can never go wrong. You can ask her how to get to a scenic spot?
She may know, she will tell you naturally, or she may not know.
From her answer, you can tell whether she has lived locally for a long time or not. Subsequent topics can also be developed smoothly.
If it is, she will tell you how to go. Then you can compliment her for being an enthusiastic and beautiful young lady. You can continue to ask, the same way.
Then again, if you’re attractive enough, you can get her contact information.
If she’s not, then you can go ahead and ask her where she’s going. Everyone is traveling, and it is easy to have the idea of going together. After that, you can move on to developing your chatting skills.
In short, in unfamiliar places, take the initiative to initiate communication, as long as you find some common points in people and things, you can break the abruptness of a cold chat.
Compliment her on something
When you first start a conversation, try not to praise a woman directly, but to choose something about her.
When you come across a girl wearing a hat at the mall, you can start a conversation by saying something like: “Your hat is so special. You look so cute when you wear it. It reminds me of someone else.”
Finish with a compliment and a curiosity, and as long as she doesn’t reject you, you’re on your way.
It should be noted that when praising, the boy should uphold an objective and sincere attitude, rather than superficial and lack of etiquette, directly praise her: “you are really cute.”
This does not apply to the initial communication.
02 Hot chat
Since it is a hot chat, you should know her beforehand, or you are already a colleague, classmate, or friend.
Before you initiate communication, you should first understand their interests, work, age, lifestyle, and other simple information.
One day, you happen to see her on your way to work, so you can start a conversation with her.
“Jessica, good morning, I heard that you are going to sing at the annual meeting of the company this year. Really?”
“Which song are you going to sing?” “, “This song is very good oh, quite fits your temperament, I believe you will perform refreshing colleagues.
After being praised, the female student will also generally respond with symbolic modesty and praise.
Sometimes, the first communication time is often limited, this time, the boy must remember, must find an excuse, and let you have a follow-up contact. So, before you start communicating, you have to be prepared, since you are asking about their annual performance project.
Can you leave a request like this:
“I will also perform and sing, let’s rehearse together, and I hope to learn from you.” Since you are ready to pursue this, it is best to have some follow-up opportunities for each communication.
If she says yes, you’ll have a chance to move on. Rehearsals for the annual party are over. To thank her for her help during this time, you can make an invitation.
The wrong invitation model
Boy: “Thank you, are you free this weekend? Will you dine with me as a token of my thanks?”
Girl: “No, I may not have time.”
Boy: “When will it be convenient next time?”
Girl: “We’ll see.”
The invitation of type of this kind of question and answer makes an appointment, often can encounter the refusal of schoolgirl actually, because this is the habitual thinking of most people.
No merit, no salary, girls do not feel their help to you, need to invite dinner as a thank you. Unless she’s interested in you.
To avoid giving women the opportunity to say no, we need to change our invitation strategy.
Correct invitation pattern
You: “Thanks for your time. Are you free tonight or this weekend? I want to invite you to dinner.”
She: “Tonight is not free, not on the weekend.”
You: “Okay, I’ll call you this weekend.”
She: “HMM.”
Invite the time, the boy needs to remember, never give the girl to do the judgment question, but let her do the multiple-choice question, choose A or B, no matter how to choose, is advantageous to you.
Of course, she may choose nothing, so you still need to work hard, she is not interested in your offer.
Conclusion
Relatively speaking, cold chat tests the ability to cope with the situation; In Hot chat needs to make a detailed plan and strive for more communication opportunities.
Either way, as the inferior side of communication power, just remember, do not to be too humble, and not confident, such communication will directly encounter the rejection of the girl.
Equal communication can not only win a girl’s respect but also easily win her heart.
Chasing girls, communication skills, and equality are the basis.
—
This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 Escape the Act Like a Man Box |
 |
 |
 |
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: iStock.com
