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If you grew up in the ‘70s or ‘80s you likely remember listening to the kid’s album, Free to Be You and Me. Created by actress Marlo Thomas, and featuring many guests including Alan Alda, the poster child for the Sensitive New Age Guy (SNAG), the double album taught young children the value of sharing, the outdated idea of gender roles, to understand your parents as people, and one of my personal favorites, it’s alright to cry, especially if you’re a boy.
Boys and men have been taught that feeling emotions like sadness, fear, and grief are not acceptable. While the idea is to toughen boys up for the difficulties that lie ahead in manhood, it makes it so difficult for men to understand the power of their feelings, to hear the wisdom they bring, and to avoid the very real consequences of denying them. This toughen-up guideline also increases the risk of creating the exact opposite of the SNAG, and that is toxic masculinity.
Our emotions are much greater than we give them credit for. And the truth is, we can’t just turn them off or ignore them. Emotions are energy, and energy moves. And if you try to stop that energy moving, you’ll create obstructions or pile ups — just like if you try to stop the flow of cars on a freeway. Doing this in your body has tragic consequences.
The real power comes when, instead of looking at your emotions as things to ignore or things that make you weak, you start to look at them as important biomarkers — things to pay attention to — so that you can optimize the information they’re bringing while avoiding the health issues that pile up when they’re ignored.
There’s a rare medical doctor today who will not point to your emotions, your mind, or your levels of stress as part of the reason you’re suffering from this or that disease. In fact, more research shows the connection between unexpressed or unprocessed emotions and disease than ever before.
Instead of trying not to feel sad, afraid, or even angry, there are ways that you can honor your emotions, gather the information they’re trying to share with you, and then release them so you are free from the negative energetic patterns unprocessed emotions can cause.
Free to Be You and Me got it right with the song “It’s Alright to Cry.” In fact, it’s more than alright. Crying actually releases excess stress chemicals via your tears. And stress chemicals are one of the biggest things that cause disease and breakdown of the body.
Stress builds up in the body and men have more of a tendency than women to succumb to stress-related diseases. So instead of denying the stress or denying the emotions, you get more powerful when you use energetic tools to help you find balance.
Here are two ways to help relieve a strong emotional response:
The Stress Relief Hug: Wrap one arm around your waist, and the other around your elbow. Stay in this hold as long as feels good to you.
This hug is one I’ve noticed many men doing automatically. I did an informal study and noticed that in every gathering the men stood like this, and the woman didn’t. What this hug does is bring the energy system in the body in charge of your stress response into communication with the system that is more nurturing and calming. When you hold these systems together, you find calm, relief of your stress, and a deep sense of inner nurturing.
5E Star Breath: According to Ancient Chinese Medicine each organ is ruled by emotion and has a sound that activates and calms it. This goes hand in hand with our modern western medical understanding of the connection between emotions and disease. The sounds are simple, and you can even stand in the Stress Relief Hug while doing them.
The 5E star breath starts with a large inhale. Then, exhale with the sounds Whooooo, Shhhhh, Haaaaa, and Ssssss coming one after the other on one breath.
The next time you feel off balance because of some flood of emotion, give yourself the stress relief hug and take several 5E star breaths to relieve your emotions. And above all remember it’s alright to cry. You might just release your inner superhero and find the wisdom inside you to save your day.
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