Strong or Gentle?
With a worn out futon, a rickety papasan, a decent T.V., and empty whiskey bottles for décor, my first post-college apartment with my best friend Alex felt like a true bachelor’s pad. In Santa Fe, NM, Alex working as a volunteer fire fighter, and me as a sports writer, we had winter keg parties at our adobe welcoming all walks of life. My older cousin Alyssa once visited and said our place needed a woman’s touch.
A little cleaning up and some tasteful accents were decades away. We were happy with scraps.
Fast forward, and I’m a husband, plus, a father of two in a California townhouse. Alex is a happily married man in Wisconsin. Wow, how things have changed. We now both know what a woman’s touch is.
Alex was one of three brothers. He often talked about the challenges his mother faced to keep her cubs in line. Now a father of two boys, I fully get this. My wife and I have to play referee at least ten times a day. So where did these little rascals learn to push their physical play into the realm of MMA? Me. I play with them like they’re little warriors.
As the youngest of two older sisters, I didn’t get into many rasslin’ matches as a kid. I did get the old “tickle torture” out of my own dad, but I wasn’t the rough-and-tumble type, and neither was he. So, of course I’ve made up for lost times, and now I find myself killing my sons softly. The trouble is, they love it. When I just want to sit on the couch, they pounce and pummel me. Their little hands dig into my arm pits and neck trying to crack me. I love it too, but what I realize I’m missing is the man’s touch. If I want more cuddles, I need to give them. They learn their physical cues from me.
Roughhousing begets rough handling. Sweet, gentle touch yields the same. And it’s no mystery that when they manhandle each other, it’s only a remnant of when I’ve been a little too forceful with them. Love, and violence, starts in the home.
What’s special about a man’s touch, is that it can be either strong or gentle. Our sons need to know both. They need to know the boundaries of one, and the endless blessing of the other.
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Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash