Jill Simonian believed that living a safe life would be best for her family, until her husband told her otherwise.
—
If my life (up to this point) had a theme, that theme would be: “SAFE.” Be careful. Be cautious. Reduce risk. Can’t help it… this is how I was raised. I won’t lie, it served me well. I’m thankful for it. This is just a hobby, right? Every time I performed onstage as a child/teenager/young adult, I knew I’d hear that question from either my parents or grandparents. It wasn’t a bad thing. I never resented it. I just came to expect it. This from a gal who performed for countless amounts of people onstage, literally hundreds and hundreds of times, since the age of 3. Knock ’em dead, have a blast, but don’t let your love of entertaining seduce you into pursuing a career in entertainment. IT’S TOO HIGH-RISK AND WE LIKE TO PLAY IT SAFE. (This philosophy completely goes against my public image, I know.)
It’s funny how dads can instantly upgrade any mom’s hum-drum game with a swift slap of manly courage.
|
My family didn’t ‘do’ risk. My Mom is fabulous teacher. My Dad is a perfectionist dentist. They started their careers after college and stuck with ’em. For like, 45 years. We live in a different world now… but that world – THE SAFE WORLD – is the world I grew up in, the world I found comforting and normal. Anything different than that scared me. Still does. In many ways, fear had a hand in shaping my values and direction. I was raised with it. As a parent, I get it. I respect it. I practice it. Protect your kids. Keep them on the path that you know. Don’t take risks. Don’t get hurt. Don’t fall on your face.
And now, even though I’ve conditioned myself to work in a very ‘high-risk/high-gain’ industry, I still don’t do risk very well (which is why it took me a whole five years after I graduated college, paired with an emotionally-crushing life experience at the age of 25, to muster up the courage and actually admit to myself that it’d be okay and acceptable to pursue a career in something I’d loved, studied and succeeded at my entire life so far). At age 27, I realized I HAD to pursue a career in entertainment… or else I’d die (figuratively). So I bungeed.
My husband on the other hand, has literally bungeed…. OFF A CLIFF IN NEW ZEALAND. (Freak. He did it before we met. I still roll my eyes when I watch the grainy video. He’s not allowed to do stuff like that anymore.) He also likes to scuba dive, once owned a motorcycle and travels to far away places that harbor disease all in the name of being a medical volunteer. By nature, he’s a risk-taker. A smart, capable and logical (most of the time, anyways) risk-taker. He’s fearless… figuratively and literally. He was raised with it. At the age of 4, his family had to separate, abandon everything they had and secretly trek halfway around the world so just so they could get to America be free. Hello, dangerous. If they were caught? Bad things… death, I think. (But don’t quote me.) Talk about risky. Taking risks had a hand in shaping his values and direction. (My great-grandparents did it too, I guess, but something that happened four generations ago doesn’t necessarily resonate when you’re growing up and it’s not a part of your own life’s experience.)
How did my husband and I end up together? Yin and yang forces, I guess.
So when these past few months presented a fork in his road of opportunity – a change, a small risk, if you will… with the potential of significant and fulfilling career gain – I was against it like any narrow-minded, rotten wife. Risk is not good. Stay where you are. Keep a sure thing. What are you trying to teach our kids?!?! I argued my point. I yelled my point. At one point I cried my point. All out of fear. I did not win. I’m less scared that I was a month ago, but I’m still scared. I’m scared of what might happen, what might not happen. I believe in my husband’s drive capability and talents… but what if the world’s forces have other plans? Old habits die hard.
This parenting lesson – about how risk can be positive – scares the crap out of me. Funny how dads can instantly upgrade any mom’s hum-drum game with a swift slap of manly courage. According to my husband (and most capable, intelligent people who are not big chickens like me): Logical, moderate and calculated risk is what makes us grow, evolve and excel. Thoughtful risk keeps us alive, focused and working hard. Taking risks is a part of life… my girls need learn this so that they can grow, evolve and excel without being afraid of fear. As we know, the best way to teach our kids is through example.
A little fear is good (he and I both agree on that), and the trick to keeping it in check is to know when to confidently tell it to shut up. It’s officially my turn to shut up. (Dammit.). As parents, we want to raise our kids to be confidently-competitive in the current world we live in. I’ve been operating in the the dinosaur-era. (Again, dammit.) Teaching ‘how to do risk’ by example is something that only my husband can offer our girls. Up until now, I’ve pretty much spearheaded and steamrolled all the parenting duties (aside from his incomparable industrial strength toddler bath time skills). Time for me to SHUT-UP… I’ll pass this particular parenting lesson to you, hubby.
***
This article originally appeared on TheFabMom.com
Photo courtesy of Bigstockphoto.com
No Jill, don’t diminish the female point if view. Please do not negate Hiw females like to do things, just because our method of doing things is not like a man’s way of doing things. That’s so unfair! Why would you a female, being so thoughtless and cruel to your own gender?? Your attempt to exalt the male method, point of view and way if doing things. Is so hurtful to females.There is absolutely nothing wrong with being female and doing things the fens me way which is totally different from how males do things. . In fact, it is… Read more »