Vincent Daly had a scary encounter while out with his family, and now he has a plan for safety in the face of danger.
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My wife, kids, and I strolled through Chicago’s Grant Park on a hot August weekday afternoon as we leisurely made our way back to the hotel. We had just completed a fun yet exhausting visit to the Shedd Aquarium. The Summer breeze cascaded gently through the vibrantly green leafed trees which provided welcome relief from the intense heat.
The two little people of our group attempted to keep pace with the grownups but inevitably began to show signs of fatigue. Our 6-year-old son exclaimed, “Your legs are twice the size of mine, which means I have to do twice the work when I walk with you!”
Of course our 4-year-old daughter concurred with his assessment and initiated her relentless rallying cry, “Pick me up, Daddy!!”
Given that we were less than 10 minutes away from our destination I encouraged them to soldier on, even adding the incentive of a snack of their choice at the hotel food mart. After muttering a few indiscernible replies, they agreed. We crossed Columbus Drive and began to make our way onto the vast Balbo Avenue overpass which crossed over the CTA train tracks. As I looked off into the distance, I could see we were not alone.
There was a shirtless man heading in our direction. He was in his late thirties to early forties, possessing a lean yet muscular build like a basketball player or sprinter. He walked with a frantic disjointed cadence possibly due to intoxication or narcotics. Having been born and raised in the Bronx, along with years of experience commuting on the New York City subway system, I recognized the potential signs of danger.
I considered crossing my family to the other side, but the flow of traffic in both directions was too heavy at the moment. I discreetly moved my wife and kids over to my right to keep them at a safe distance from the man approaching us on the left. With my head facing forward my sunglasses blocked the man’s view of my eyes even though they were focused on him. As he passed us by, he turned and threw an air punch at my head while loudly grunting “Bam!” as if his fist had connected. I recoiled back by instinct, putting up my hands (Wing Chun Kung Fu training kicking in. Thanks, SIFU!) saying, “Whoa, relax!” which was more for my benefit than his. I needed to keep calm in case the man intended to fully engage me. Thankfully he kept walking and so did we. My wife’s reaction was that the man was crazy. My kids, being weary, didn’t seem to notice what had occurred.
Back at the hotel, I tried to remain composed and act like everything was normal. Yet that evening, I kept on replaying the incident in my mind over and over again. What if the man actually made contact forcing me to fight him? His bloodshot eyes combined with his agitated body language indicated he was angry and under the influence of alcohol or drugs. It could have been an extremely violent altercation. If I had won, how would that level of violence have affected my kids? And more importantly, what if I had lost? What horrible fate might my family have endured? It was an awful, sickening feeling. Yet, I found comfort in the fact that my family was safe and unscathed. Still, for this dad, it was a sobering dose of reality introduced into my family’s blissful existence. One that I’ll soon never forget.
In the hope of learning from my experience, I’ve taken the following steps to be better prepared for future threats:
- Continue martial arts training: Self-defense classes taught by reputable instructors can instill a more favorable reaction when facing a threat.
- Establish a family emergency plan for a variety of scenarios: Impart responsibilities to the kids based on their age and overall maturity level.
- Obtain current safety information about a locale when taking a family vacation: I’ve been to Chicago several times before, but apparently the crime rate has skyrocketed since my last visit. My out-of-date knowledge misinformed me about the level of safety my family could expect during our vacation—a critical error that could have had deadly results.
What situations have you encountered that placed your family in harm’s way? How did you handle the incident? What steps do you recommend to keep your family safe in the presence of an imminent threat?
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Image: Flickr/N. Feans
Vincent, As a fellow martial artist, let me state that you did everything perfectly. You trusted your instincts. You assessed the situation. You attempted to exit the situation. When pressed, you expressed a willingness to defuse the situation. You also demonstrated that if your assailant were to engage you, you were willing to become fully engaged. In any environment, one needs to always be aware of one’s surroundings. Not scared, just aware. Good work.
Thanks David.
I can imagine how awkward this must have been. I am sure your heart was racing.
Strange but true story – I was only in Chicago once. For an afternoon actually. I was not far from the train station. I found a fast food restaurant and was quietly eating my food. At this point, I had basically the same thing happen to me as what happened to you. It was very disconcerting.
No question. Having one’s life disrupted by the threat of violence can be jarring.
I think the lesson learned is that when you sense a potential threat move away, whether convenient or potentially insulting to the person you perceive as a threat. Turn and walk the other way if necessary. The best self defense is absolute avoidance of violence whenever possible. With that said, anyone could end up in a similar situation and I think you handled it well. You are all lucky that nothing further went down, once a punch is thrown (whether intended to connect or not) is the point where most people would consider the option of avoidance of violence as… Read more »
Thanks for your perspective. Every situation is different. Upon reflection, I”m not sure if I would have done anything different if it meant my family and I would be able to walk away unharmed. You might be right about pre-emptively striking before any damage could be inflicted upon me or my family. But on the day it happened, my first thought was to keep my family safe, almost if I was a shield rather than a sword.
I realize this forum is a bit more cosmopolitan than my standard fare (Try “Art of Manliness”), so bear with me. My viewpoint is rural and may not be applicable to a “big-city” environment. Two points, personal and family defense is core to the concept of being a man and a father. If you cannot do these things when necessary, or worse are not interested or trying to learn these skills, you need to re-evaluate your role in life or your perceptions of reality. In the situation discussed above, evac-ing the family away from the danger zone and confronting the… Read more »
Hi Vincent Some years ago I watched a television program about abducted children. I was deeply touched by a father . He told his children this. If they ever got abducted he would look for them for ever. He would never stoop looking for them, and they must never forget that. And he would find them. Abductors tell children that parents give up. A 16 year old girl was abducted in my city last year. Huge crowds of young and old searched for her until she was found. Unfortunately dead. Abduction is a terrible thing and children knows this happens… Read more »
I had a similar experience recently – but I was alone. In my younger years it wouldn’t have concerned me. But I don’t want to ever face that again – especially with kids near your kids’ age.
I really like the ideas you suggest – I will put them to good use. Thank you.
Thanks. Generally speaking, I think having a heightened awareness becomes standard issue when you have a young family. How you approach it can vary based on the responses I’ve read so far to this post.
I would say that, in ensuring your family’s safety, far more important than any martial arts course is physical fitness, strength, and the will to survive. This single aspect is going to serve you far better in a range of situations that could jeopardise your family’s safety than a bit of martial arts training. Being someone with a decent history (14 years) of martial arts and combat sports, I’d be far less thrilled about fighting a fit football player than an average office worker with a bit of krav maga experience. It’s also mainly about risk management and threat mitigation… Read more »
Love the three S’s. Good common sense approach.
I would highly recommend Krav Maga to anyone as the core of their personal self defense method.
Christopher, what aspects of Krav Maga make it essential as a means of self defense?
Sunglasses or not he probably knew you were staring at him. Side of your eye, bro.
That’s always a possibility. And maybe he does nothing if I’m with a group of male friends. Who knows. What would have been your method of handling the situation as I described it?
I have yet to encounter any specific situations where my family is placed in harms way. That said, I also tend to practice a fair bit of risk management with where I choose to take my family.
Should things ever go severely bad where my family is at risk, I do have a plan. It’s called firearms training, a Concealed Pistol License, and a 9mm Ruger pistol holstered on my waist, under my shirt.
Granted, there may be situations in which carrying a concealed weapon might be the solution. But how do you decide when to carry one? If you’re on a family day trip such as I was to the aquarium in the daytime in an area normally deemed as “safe” would you be carrying a weapon?
It’s not really an evaluation of “Should I carry a gun today or not.” Honestly if I’m planning on taking my family somewhere where I legitimately think I will probably need a weapon to defend us, then I need to re-evaluate why I’m deliberately putting my family in a situation I consider dangerous. So to your second question, assuming the aquarium is a place where it’s legal for me to carry, then yes, I would be. I don’t carry a gun because I think I’m going to get in a fight any more than I put on a seatbelt and… Read more »
Scary! Thank goodness the situation didn’t become more than it was. I think you have laid a few good ideas on how to manage a potentially threatening situation. As parents, we have to straddle a very shaky boundary between making our kids aware versus making our kids afraid. In my mind, I am accumulating a lot of lessons to share with my son. I need to know he is aware of potential dangers. My current strategy is as follows: Self-defense: For myself: I have taken a few Krav Maga classes, and my husband has taken some with me. I plan… Read more »
How about removing your sunglasses and encountering this suffering man as such?
This suffering man who would punch the author in his face in front of his wife and children? I somehow do not think he would be very receptive to a tender, helping hand.
Doug, are you implying I should have not considered the safety of my family first? Not clear about your comment.