Welcome to Portraits of Fatherhood: We’re telling the story of today’s dads.
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There is no better place to witness the changing roles of men and women in the larger culture than through the lens of parenthood. But rather than speculate on what and how contemporary fathers do what they do, we’d like to bring you portraits of the dads themselves. In their own words. Would you like to be interviewed for this feature? See the end of the post for details.
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NAME Joe Marraccino
AGE 45
HOMETOWN / WHERE DO YOU LIVE NOW? Then: Queens, NY. Now: Nyack, NY
NUMBER OF CHILDREN Four
WORK Full-time, but in career transition as of 1/1/15
RELATIONSHIP STATUS Married
HOW DO YOU COMBINE WORK AND FAMILY?
With four very active children, ages 3 to 15, we wouldn’t be able to get everything done without one of us primarily home / working from home. My wife has filled this role. She has worked from home part-time throughout and most recently is traveling to NYC a day or two a week. Super-woman type attributes and flexibility from her employer are essential.
In the face of a corporate restructuring, after 22 prideful years at the same organization, I told my only real employer that I was passing on the opportunity to pursue another position. Instead it was time for me to get going. I decided to follow my heart, not my head, and take a deep breath for the first time in a long time, and to take a journey to search for my strengths, passions and a clearer career purpose; to work closer to home and my community, without a long, impersonal commute; and, to create a pace and schedule that would allow me to be fully present for my family.
Time will tell, but I hope my kids will benefit from seeing me deal with change and learn that they too should understand their strengths and pursue their passions, just like I am doing and my wife and I want them to do.
(Read more about Joe’s journey here.)
WHAT ARE YOUR STRENGTHS AS A PARENT AND WHAT ARE YOUR WEAKNESSES?
My strengths are my humor, my patience, and my provider instincts. My weaknesses are sometimes meaningful conversations don’t come so easy with my kids. An example is at times I try to bring lessons home from work. More often than not they fail miserably. Once in a while, something might stick.
WHAT IS YOUR WORST PARENTING MOMENT?
Two moments stand out, and they are both pre-natal. Before our first son was born, with my wife in labor and us on route in the 40-45 minute trip to the hospital, I decided that I needed some comfort food for the delivery room. So, we stopped for a bagel and lox. Besides my bad judgment to stop, my wife can’t stand the smell of raw fish. The stop didn’t help, but we made it through Ok. And, probably unrelated, but my first son is my only child who enjoys sushi.
The second moment was before the birth of our most recent child, about 12 years later. This was in the early days of Facebook for my wife and congratulations were pouring in. I was browsing her Facebook page for the first time, when I responded to my dad (clarifying that is was me and not my wife) and instigated a conversation about the merits of different forms of birth control. It turns out, what I thought was a funny, private conversation with my dad, was posted on her “wall” for everyone to see. What’s worse, it looked like my wife’s smiling face was having this conversation with my dad. I am permanently banned from speaking about what I wrote, but my dad revealed that my three brothers and I were basically all mistakes. Ouch! Needless to say, my wife received more than one phone call from friends, “You may want to check out what Joe and your dad are writing about on your Facebook page…”
WHAT IS YOUR BEST PARENTING MOMENT?
Post-natal, I’ve been a pretty good dad. My best parenting moments have involved areas where I have stepped up in my community to benefit my kids and others. Two moments stand out. First, is joining our Little League baseball board and helping to establish a now annual Opening Day celebration involving a parade, fun activities, and lots of community involvement. A second moment is similar, rallying parent coaches to establish a program of free basketball clinics for kids in the community. I believe my kids have benefitted by seeing me in a leadership role, at times calling on them to be leaders, and just allowing them to be heathy and have fun.
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We’re looking for a few good dads.
IF you’d like to be interviewed for this feature, please write to Lisa Duggan at: [email protected]
Please write “Portraits of Fatherhood” in the subject line.