The modern dad is doing double duty—and isn’t getting credit for it.
After years of studies showing motherhood to be more stressful than fatherhood, that gap has now vanished. According to a study by the Families and Work Institute in New York, 59 percent of working husbands reported “some level of work-life conflict,” while the same could be said for only 45 percent of working wives.
Fulfilling the revamped definition of what constitutes a “good father” can be tough, especially when taking into account a work environment that has been slow to adapt. Unlike countries such as Sweden, where fathers are encouraged to take up to two months paid paternity leave, the American workplace has yet to reflect changing cultural norms, forcing men to “navigate a workplace that is often reluctant to give them time off for family reasons.” The New York Times details a study conducted by Boston College, which found that “new fathers face a subtle bias in the workplace, which fails to recognize their stepped-up family responsibilities and presumes that they will be largely unaffected by children.”
On the other hand, some argue that the workplace has adapted, while men are lagging behind. Studies have shown that men have more trouble than women overtly taking advantage of the family-leave perks and flexible schedules now offered at the workplace. Perhaps wary of being labeled “Mr. Mom” by colleagues, men often rearrange their schedules to fulfill familial obligations “stealthily.”
The worst part, though, may be that men aren’t getting the credit they deserve for stepping it up on the home turf.
“Women consistently underestimate how much their husbands do,” explains marriage historian Stephanie Coont. Furthermore, the fact that women are “psychologically responsible” ultimately “adds to the sense of feeling like [they’re] doing more, even though it may be somewhat invisible,” according to Dr. Ellen Galinsky of the Families and Work Institute.
All of this comes on the heels of reports that couples are working more hours than ever—up 11 hours per week from 1970.
Yikes. Looks like it’s a good time to invest in those squishy little balls.
—Nick Lehr
I heard something interesting recently where a talk show host said that he thinks that while our fathers obviously didn’t do enough– we do too much. He also mentioned that in time it will swing back over more to the middle. I thought that was interesting. I definitely fell stretched too thin.
Now that I’m working two jobs that amount to 14 hours of work per day (not including commute) Tuesday through Friday and another four hours on Saturday morning, I’m feeling stretched a little thin. I catch about two and a half to three hours of sleep in the morning and then another three to four hours of sleep around midnight. Since these jobs are less than a year old, I am not eligible for paid family leave but would gladly take it if it were available. In between work, eating and showering, I take care of the baby for two… Read more »
I feel like my wife appreciates what I do as a father….I knew I was a lucky guy….but apparently not lucky enough to have 2 months paid paternity leave.