As a parent, it’s always nice to hear compliments about your child, even if they need to be taken in the right context. I love it when people tell me about how cute, smart, or funny my daughter is, all things that I also believe, but really, who is going to tell the father of a five-year-old anything different?
Last week, however, she did receive some praise that truly made me proud. Her teacher told me that she was sweet. She told me that whenever one of her classmates is sad, angry, hurt, or just overwhelmed by the demands of a preschooler on that particular day, Alaina is always the first one there with a hug, a soothing word, or a hand up from the ground. That she cares for those around her. That she is sweet.
I don’t know if she realized it or not, but to me, this may be the single greatest compliment about their children that a parent can receive.
Empathy: the ability to understand and feel the feelings of another
Compassion: sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.
In his new song “Humble and Kind”, county singer Tim McGraw gives advice to his three daughters about how to live their lives. My favorite line is towards the end, when he tells them “when you get where you’re going, don’t forget to turn back around, and help the next one in line.”
We all want our kids to be happy, to be successful, but shouldn’t it also be just as important to be doing everything we can to ensure that they are also kind? In a study by the Harvard Making Caring Common Project interviewed youth were three times more likely to agree that “my parents are prouder if I get good grades in my classes than if I’m a caring community member in class and school.”
That needs to change.
The world can be a cold and lonely place. A scary place. I want her prepared for that and prepared to take care of herself, to not be constantly dragged down by the problems and dramas of others. I don’t want her to have boyfriends that she needs to “save.”
I believe it’s possible to achieve this while also holding onto her feelings of empathy and compassion. I believe that her treatment of others should be one of the most important measures of my success or failure as a parent.
I know that she won’t remain my little superhero forever, but if I do my job properly, I’m convinced that she can remain “sweet.”
“If the prospect of living in a world where trying to respect the basic rights of those around you and valuing each other simply because we exist are such daunting, impossible tasks, then what sort of world are we left with?” – Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman #170.
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A version of this post was previously published on ThirstyDaddy and is republished here with permission form the author.
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Photo credit: Jeremy Barnes