6) Attacking your partner with anger. This just plain sucks, for you and your partner. Uncontrolled anger is bad for your physical and emotional health and is rough on your partner as well. Destructive anger creates hurt, distrust, and wall building for self-protection.
7) Not giving your partner your full attention. You do this by glancing at the computer, TV, or phone while having a conversation (sort of).
In the old days it was reading the newspaper at the table. Nowadays, we have multiple electronic devices to keep us distanced from our partner.
8) Not sharing your experience of life. This could be how your day went, an interesting article you read, or a new restaurant a friend told you about.
Some of us “forget” to share, or are “too tired,” or don’t think it is important. It is important! A relationship is built on shared experiences. The sooner you start sharing the sooner the relationship will improve. Stay connected.
9) Excessive use of pornography, drugs, alcohol or work. Any addictive behavior will negatively impact the relationship by taking you away from the person you say you love.
10) Withholding kindness, affection, or sex. If you are doing this you are not only engaged in intimacy breaking behavior, but are in the process of creating hell on earth for you and your partner. Not recommended.
If you do any of these behaviors, or others not listed here, becoming aware is the first step to re-establishing your bond. Once you have identified these behaviors, you can create a plan to stop doing them. Enlisting your partner’s aid is helpful. The rest is practice and commitment to staying the course until the behavior is extinguished.
Replacing old habits with new ones is generally recognized as a three week long process. However, you may discover that there are psychological issues interfering with attaining the new behavioral patterns. Understanding and working through these issues may take longer and you may need outside support (therapy/coaching).
For me, being in a relationship is a constant opportunity to learn about myself and my partner. Seeing how I interrupt and limit the amount of joy I allow in our relationship has been a staggering realization. Becoming aware of and decreasing intimacy breaking behavior has energized the relationship and opened our eyes to what is possible.
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