10 Reasons To Spend More Time Alone

Alone time, when spent properly, is more meaningful than purposeless activities with insignificant people.

Most of us fear isolation because we aren’t used to it, which is okay. I’m not preaching a reclusive lifestyle, but time by yourself can be beneficial and even enjoyable once you figure out how to use it.

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Pull away from people so you both can appreciate each other more

A reasonable amount of distance strengthens relationships. Unavailability gives people a chance to miss you and appreciate you more, and vice versa. Sometimes you need a break from certain people if not all everybody from your life, especially the ones you see all the time. Do your own thing for a while, and maybe resurface as a new person next time you reappear.

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The chance to learn self-love

You’ve been surrounded by warmth growing up. There’s always a friend to talk to or a family member to validate you. So you never understood what it means to love yourself.

My already low self-esteem worsened when I attended an all-white university being one of the only few Asians. Exclusion and dismissiveness broke me down. I self-sabotaged for a good year, getting arrested for DUI’s and disorderly conduct. I tore my meniscus falling a flight of stairs after being drunk at a frat party. I couldn’t get off the bed in my dorm and I burst into tears. I wasn’t just sorry for myself — I hated myself. Unlike most college kids, I was single with only a few friends. I felt helpless and worthless; it was one of the lowest points of my life — but a blessing in disguise.

I was my only support. So I looked in the mirror and told myself to stay strong, and remain unapologetic to who I am no matter what. From there, I stopped people-pleasing. I stopped trying to impress. I stopped caring about being cool or not. I stopped looking outside for my worth and started giving it to myself. It was one of the best things that have EVER happened to me.

Instead of feeling insecure when you’re alone, use this opportunity to develop self-respect and self-care.

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People are attracted to emotional independence

Trying too hard will only push others away. So save your interesting stories and funny jokes to the friends who deserve it. More importantly, save your precious time for yourself; make sure you’re capable of being happy on your own first. A self-sufficient person is very attractive. Being able to have fun and be comfortable without having others around displays a great deal of confidence.

I remembered sulking to the point of not caring, just sitting in the corner of the room by myself. Funny enough, that’s when people pay attention, they approached me wanting to find out more.

Focus on yourself and your own life; the ability to be alone yet at ease is alluring.

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Gives you the confidence to walk away from unhealthy relationships

We’re often afraid to leave toxic relationships because we become too emotionally dependent on our partners. We allow our boundaries crossed, and find it hard to say no — we fear being left behind to stand on our own.

I hesitated about breaking up with my ex, largely because she has become an integral part of my life; I wasn’t sure if I would fill the void she leaves. But after the breakup, I realized that I’m just fine without her and I should’ve cut things off sooner.

Time alone allows you to build up your emotional strength. When you can live an abundant life with or without friends or a partner, you’ll no longer put up with nonsense.

It’s better to invest more time into yourself than to mingle with mediocre friends

Vanessa Van Edwards, the founder of Science of People brought up an interesting point about casual friends.

She calls them frenemies,

A frenemy is someone who you are friendly with, despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry. Frenemies might want you to do good on the surface, but behind your back they will gossip about you and may even be jealous of your accomplishments and successes.

Ambivalent friends tend to drain your energy more than your actual enemies because it’s hard to set clear personal boundaries with them. You arent’ sure whether to accept or decline their invitation to lunch, pick up or ignore their phone call, you’d rather not hang out with them but it’s difficult to turn them down. Although they aren’t your true friends you allow them to linger in your life and ultimately slow you down.

Sometimes more company don’t mean less loneliness. I love the way Justin Bieber conveyed this message in his new song Lonely. It’s about how connected you feel to the world, which means you can still feel connected without being around companions all the time.

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Peace and calmness is necessary for sanity

Stress is the leading cause of disease. The fast-paced, complicated world puts immense pressure on you. And one of the best ways to relieve it is to unplug yourself from it. Ignore the drama on social media, tune out the negativity in the news, cut out the kids’ noises for a while, and retreat to somewhere quiet by yourself. Let your ears and mind rest so that you can recover and recharge.

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Find yourself and set yourself apart

It’s easy to lose yourself in the middle of a crowd.

It’s easy to stand in the crowd but it takes courage to stand alone.

-Mahatma Gandhi

I isolate myself regularly to stay uninfluenced by my environment. I listen to my intuition instead of being told how to think or how to act. I find space away from the majority so I can form my own beliefs.

To be confident, you should know who you are and what makes you unique. Maybe it’s time to stay away from brainwashing trends.

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Let yourself slow down and reflect

Life can derail you from your goals if not careful.

I had huge aspirations after college. I thought I’d find a part-time job to pay the bills while taking classes. But part-time turned full-time, classes turned to distractions, I started to question what I want. I became reactive to life instead of sticking to my original trajectory.

It’s important to sit down from time to time to process everything as it’s happening. Do you want to stay the course or abandon the ship? Who do you want to become and what lifestyle do you prefer? Invest alone time to figure out where you are mentally and get yourself back on track.

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You get to spend more time doing ‘you’

Social settings can pressure you into doing things you don’t enjoy or aren’t comfortable with. It’s a bit waste of time. Many activities are supposed to be done alone, such as reading, thinking, exercising, and for me, shopping. Many other activities don’t require another person, like video games, for example. Enjoy your hobbies without interference, as well as your work, when no one is asking you for your time or attention or pulling you into all directions, you can put your head down and stay productive.

My recent breakup has been challenging, but it’s given me more space to concentrate on my goals instead of orbiting around my ex.

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You have complete control over your life

A solitary life can mean unlimited freedom. You have nobody to answer to, cater to, or worry about. You can operate on your own schedule, sleeping at 4 A.M. and not have to worry about taking your girlfriend to work tomorrow morning.

Not just romantic relationships, all relationships require obligations and compromises; you always have to think for the other person before making your decision. Sometimes you need to live for yourself. You deserve it.

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Learning to enjoy life alone makes you happier

In an extrovert-centric western country, being alone is shamed on like you’re weird or pathetic, but I see it as the opposite; it’s a sign of strength and exclusivity. Not everybody can withstand the fear of isolation.

So embrace alone time. It will bring a lot more fulfillment to your life than you thought.

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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.

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