Guys, let’s get real.
I’m going to say STOP IT a lot in this article, so get ready for the repeating pattern, the continuous IV drip of advice to induce you into a state where you STOP IT. Yes, a commanding, drop everything, do not pass go, do not collect $200, do not whine any more, just STOP IT.
Stop what you might ask? Stop the stuff that is keeping you miserable, playing small, and making you feel like, well whatever it is you are feeling that’s got you stuck in life. A crappy relationship, a job that sucks the life out of you, a hidden secret that should be told, 20 extra pounds you can’t shed, whatever it is that you need to say STOP IT to, needs to be said so you can start enjoying life.
Just say STOP IT!
#10 – STOP IT: Stop worrying about being offensive. No that doesn’t give you free rein to be a jerk off and going around offending everyone, it means, learning that people get offended by everything these days, so stop worrying out of fear of offending someone. It’s simply going to happen. Instead, spend your energy presenting your perspective in an engaging way, rather than an offensive way.
#9 – STOP IT: Cut the pretending. Fake don’t make it Mister! No matter who you are trying to impress, if you’re pretending, it will eventually catch up with you. Trust me, I tried to fake it for years that I was heterosexual, happy in my corporate career, and that I loved a life adorned with material things. It was all pretend. I was gay, needed to honor my desire to do heart-centered work, and only needed to surround myself with things that had meaning. As soon as I stopped pretending, I saw my real self and loved my real self even more…so did others!
#8 – STOP IT: You don’t need to be part of the BROS. Nothing wrong with having your circle of bros, but if you’re there just to save face, to feel wanted, to not be alone, STOP IT, you’re screwing yourself short my friend. Be with Bros that feed you, that build you up, that cause you to be vulnerable, that challenge you to be you. True Bros get you without you having to prove anything or be someone you’re not. Be part of the right Bro posse and you’ll thank them for it every day.
#7 – STOP IT: Stop apologizing. For one day, keep track of every time you apologize for something, and I don’t just mean saying “I’m sorry…” Any time you make an excuse, you are apologizing and making yourself look and feel small. At the end of the day, look at all your apologizing and determine how many of those apologies were really necessary. Then the next day, try to reduce your apologies by 10%. If you can reduce your apologies by 10 % per day, think how much less regret you put in your life. Less regret, less stress. Only apologize for things that truly need an apology.
#6 – STOP IT: Take a risk. Time for the excuses to get flushed down the life toilet like a bad burrito. If fear of doing something is gassing up your life and causing you to have acid reflux of uncertainty, it’s time for YES-X – fast relief from procrastination and regrets. You don’t have to take a big risk, take a small one. Start working that muscle slowly so that you the big risk comes easier…no bloating or constipation required.
#5 – STOP IT: Say it straight up. Honestly, no one likes a beat-around-the-busher. You know, those people who never really say what needs to be said. Similar to being offensive, too often we as guys are too VC – verbally correct – in our approach to situations. We fear the vulnerability, openness, and honesty that comes with being straight up. Mostly because, real men just say what they mean because we can, because we’re men, the superior species. Just ask our current male administration. Trump and his merry band of toxic masculinity believe they can say whatever and we’re all supposed to take it. No, no, no. Be straight up with a twist of compassion, empathy, and understanding, not with a twist of ass wipe!
#4– STOP IT: To doing as I say, not as I do. Doesn’t matter if you are a parent, leader, in a relationship, teacher, or just a guy getting by in life. You are less of a guy if you are constantly spouting off, “Here’s my best advice for…,” and then you do the exact opposite. I know! I tread very lightly in this arena and am constantly checking in with myself to make sure I am eating my own dog food. Be consistent, be of integrity, and follow your own lead before you encourage others to follow yours!
#3 – STOP IT: Learn from the best, but make it work for you. Everywhere we turn these days there are gurus spouting the riches that you will discover if you just (FILL IN THE BLANK)! And, yes there are tons of lessons to be learned with the right gurus, but here’s the deal. Anyone who positions themselves as a guru might just have a screw loose (go ahead start writing your hate mail to me, I can take it). Not all but some are just out there to make their riches in the niches of the get rich, lose weight, thrive overnight in success, world. For those who truly have something to teach, let them teach you but make it work for you, your way. Just because you bought their course, doesn’t mean you have to swallow it hook, line, and sinker. Fish out what works with you and your values, and as Tim Gunn of Project Runway would say, “Make it work!”
#2– STOP IT: Trust yourself. If one thing in life is true, people will always cause you to question your every move, unless you give yourself full permission to trust yourself. Ironically, the more you trust yourself, the more you’re going to succeed and fail. BRAVO! That’s the point. You cannot get where you’re going without falling and getting back up to reach the top. Even, once you’ve reached the summit, you’re going to have to trust yourself to ask, “Now what?” Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Trusting yourself to be yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself.
#1 – STOP IT: Live boldly. Boldly. Scary word isn’t it. Doesn’t have to be. It’s all of your own doing. Living boldly and saying STOP IT, simply means you doing something, anything that you keep saying you’re going to do and do it. That’s a bold move, that’s living boldly. Want to make a bold move to lose weight? Lose a pound a week! Want to enrich your sex life, tell your partner and have a real conversation – that’s a bold move. Ready to stop being miserable at work? Change your mindset for one day and see what good you can find. A bold move does not have to be a big move. Living bold simply can mean doing something slightly different that makes life a little more stress-free, enjoyable, and that makes you feel alive.
Here’s the bottom line. STOP IT isn’t a dirty phrase. It’s a life changer.
What are you ready to say STOP IT to today to begin enjoying and loving life?
What’s Next? Talk with others. Take action.
We are proud of our SOCIAL INTEREST GROUPS—WEEKLY PHONE CALLS to discuss, gain insights, build communities— and help solve some of the most difficult challenges the world has today. Calls are for Members Only (although you can join the first call for free). Not yet a member of The Good Men Project? Join below!
Join the Conscious Intersectionality FACEBOOK GROUP here. Includes our new call series on Human Rights.
Join The Good Men Project Community
All levels get to view The Good Men Project site AD-FREE. The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS—join as many groups and classes as you want for the entire year. The $25 Gold Level gives you access to any ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–and other benefits listed below the form. Or…for $12, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission, and have a great ad-free viewing experience.
Register New Account
Please note: If you are already a writer/contributor at The Good Men Project, log in here before registering. (Request a new password if needed).
ANNUAL PLATINUM membership ($50 per year) includes:
1. AN ALL ACCESS PASS — Join ANY and ALL of our weekly calls, Social Interest Groups, classes, workshops, and private Facebook groups. We have at least one group phone call or online class every day of the week.
2. See the website with no ads when logged in!
3. MEMBER commenting badge.
ANNUAL GOLD membership ($25 per year) includes all the benefits above — but only ONE Weekly Social Interest Group and ONE class.
ANNUAL BRONZE membership ($12 per year) is great if you are not ready to join the full conversation but want to support our mission anyway. You’ll still get a BRONZE commenting badge, and you can pop into any of our weekly Friday Calls with the Publisher when you have time. This is for people who believe—like we do—that this conversation about men and changing roles and goodness in the 21st century is one of the most important conversations you can have today.
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
Photo courtesy Pixabay.