Ever taken a look through the eyes of a preacher’s spouse?
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Once upon a time I spent a decade as the wife of a member of the clergy.
Now, I know what you’re saying. “She looks way too young for that to be true!” I know, right?! But yes, yes, it is true indeed. And I digress…
There were times I loved it – for the dynamic community, the ability to get to know so many people at their core, and the love and care our family was shown by so many.
There were times I hated it – for being pre-judged based on my husband’s career, for the intrusiveness of some people into our lives and my children’s faces, and the hollow isolation that comes from knowing so many people yet actually being known by so few.
What I know for sure is that I learned a lot in that time and in that position. Here is a small glimpse.
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1. Even the grumpiest people just want someone to be nice to them. A joke, a smile and a caring inquiry into what is going on for them can brighten someone’s spirit and show you a side of them you didn’t know existed. At the very least you can always walk away smiling to yourself.
2. You can always find a sincere compliment to give the person standing in front of you. Or next to you. Or beside you. It really isn’t difficult, and I don’t know anyone who doesn’t love hearing something nice about themselves.
3. People will see what they want to, and that is OK. You can’t control it. It doesn’t change who you are. So who the f**k cares?
4. People will choose to say and believe whatever they want about you no matter what you do, so you may as well be who you are. See #3 above.
5. Faith can take on many forms and many meanings. No one has a better answer to your questions about the universe than you do for yourself. Asking and learning is always educational and wise, but in the end, you get to form your own opinions. Remember that.
A couple who seemed happy until the moment you found out they weren’t did not betray you… It’s not all about you.
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6. That said, just because your answers to your questions about the universe work for you, they won’t necessarily work for everyone else. Maybe not even for anyone else. And that’s OK. Let it be.
7. No one has it all figured out. I don’t care what it looks like from the outside, there is inner turmoil to at least some degree. That is the human condition.
8. Regardless the extent of the inner turmoil, there is absolutely nothing at all wrong with presenting a peaceful façade to the public. Even to most of your friends. Some people like to be emotive in public. Some people feel uncomfortable with that. Forcing an extrovert to keep it inside or an introvert to express everything publically is one of our society’s most sadistic of traits. Don’t let yourself be pushed.
9. A couple who seemed happy until the moment you found out they weren’t did not betray you. They were respecting each other, their family and their union. It’s not all about you.
10. It is never really about you. Any of it. We all project emotions, thoughts, judgments, and diagnoses onto others at all times without even realizing it. Know who you are, do what’s right by the people close to you – and by everyone else for that matter – and the chips will fall as they may. The only control we really have is to surrender to the knowledge that we have extremely little control.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Well done. I learned a few things. Humility at all times for everyone.
I agree John. You hit the nail on the head.
Unfortunately, we live in the Age of Entitlement. With rampant narcissism and this “Oh look at me” attitude, I find that things will only get worse in the near future. Being humble, showing humility and reverence are viewed with much disdain today.
In the meantime, the Kardashianing of America continues..
❤
This is really, REALLY excellent, Arianna! Thanks!
Thank you so much, Greg!
Love that. Thank you, Jules. ?
A lot of wisdom here..
“Know who you are, do what’s right by the people close to you – and by everyone else for that matter – and the chips will fall as they may. The only control we really have is to surrender to the knowledge that we have extremely little control.”
Which is precisely why my favorite quote/tagline from my favorite movie, Gone With the Wind” is Rhett Butler’s
“Frankly My Dear I Don’t Give a Damn”
Great piece. I enjoyed it.