The words that I didn’t want anyone to say to me with my newborn daughter was “Here, let me take the baby.” Those words, although said often in kindness, grate with subtext. I hear: “Hey new dad, we all know you suck. Babies are beyond you. They are very complicated with their pooping and eating. Why don’t you go have a donut and let me bond with your child.”
Yup, that’s what I hear.
The act is unfair and robs fathers of their time with the child, myself included. And at the beginning, everything is rushed and chaotic that it’s easy to let yourself get pushed aside. Please, don’t. You need that time with your kid as much as they do. The screaming and the yelling are just part of the process no matter if it’s you or your newborn. And when a father is cut out like that, even with good intentions, it’s crap.
So what I did was to start to take the night feeding. During the day I got tired of people trying to pry my daughter out of my kung-fu grip. They would try to distract me with a golf game or the promise of sleep. But this was my kid, and I was dad. And no one can teach her how to be awesome like dad. As it turns out, no one can teach me to awesome quite like my three kids.
At night, when no one is around, that’s when the magic happens. No one interferes and no one asks if you’ve tried wiping whiskey on their gums. First off, my daughter is more of a beer gal, I think one day. And second, that time at night was precious. t was just me and her against the world.
Dads, do yourself a favor and take the night feeding. You’re not “helping mom,” another statement that I despise. You are staking claim to your kids and protecting that time that people are trying to rob you of. I’ve since done it with my three kids, and never once have I ever had any regrets. If you set it up right, it’s easy to do.
Tip 1: Get your gear
Get all your diaper changing gear ready to go before you turn in for the night, including having a clean bottle handy. No matter if you use breastmilk or formula, set it all up before it’s showtime.
Tip 2: Keep a car seat handy
Accept the fact now that there is going to be a lot of screaming and crying after you change the diaper but before you can get the bottle ready. Placing the newborn in the car seat allows you to carry them around and rock them as you work. It’s like giving the baby a handle.
Tip 3: Prepare your bottle warmer
This tip is a little bit more controversial but from my own experience, having a bottle warmer was a life-saver. It just made things simpler. I would place the bottle in the warmer, change a diaper, rock my kid, and then the bottle would be ready. I vote yes for anything that makes my life easier.
Tip 4: Keep wipes next to your feeding chair
Look, we all know that babies spit up like Linda Blair chugging syrup of ipecac. So keep both wipes and burp clothes within easy reach.
Tip 5: Rethink your wardrobe
On that note, rethink what you’re wearing while you feed at 3 am. Yes, skin-to-skin contact is important, but you’re gonna want to put some pajama pants on. Puke gets everywhere, and you’re hairy. Let that visual sink in a little bit.
Tip 6: Don’t rush it
At first, you’re going to want to rush the night feeding so you can get back to bed. Don’t. At least not every night. You’re a parent now and lack of sleep is pretty much the norm. But secondly, this I the time where you can be with your kid without anyone messing with you. I took all three of my kids through the entire catalog of Star Trek, even the original series. Enjoy this time, because one day they go to high school and don’t want to acknowledge you exist anymore.
Tip 7: Ditch the coffee and the soda
Yes, that caffeine will perk you up, but you need to get back to sleep. So, stick with water while your kid eats.
Tip 8: Get cordless headphones
Sometimes no matter what you do, your newborn is going to cry all night. You can check the diaper, make sure they are fed, and make them fart. Even then, maybe they are just having a bad day. And that high-pitched wail can grate on your nerves. Go for the headphone therapy while they cry it out. When my daughter needed to scream for a bit while I comforted her, I played the soothing sounds of Metallica while I patted her but. It helped me keep my sanity and it’s also how Enter Sandman ended up being her favorite lullaby.
Tip 9: Keep extra clothes nearby
No matter if you use a sleep sack (highly recommend) or go with the old-fashioned blanket burrito, keep spares close by. Blowouts happen, especially when you’re just getting started. So having extras nearby lets you make the quick change without a lot of fuss.
Tip 10: Always protect your time
More than anything, don’t let anyone take this from you. You’re not “helping”, you’re parenting. This is not for mom, or grandma, or anyone else but you and your kids. Protect that time and don’t let yourself get pushed to the side.
See the Publisher’s Weekly Review and buy the book here:
The Ultimate Stay-at-Home Dad: Your Essential Manual for Being an Awesome Full-Time Father
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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