After reading so much on infidelity, I can tell you ELEVEN ways to get caught cheating.

Listen up, heathens. It’s simple, stupid.

1. Confessing

Don’t do this. Duh. Who does this benefit? NO ONE. Your guilty conscience will not be assuaged; I guarantee it. Your stricken spouse will be ever-suspicious if you do decide to stay together. Your peaceful existence will be no more.

2. Caught in the act

Uh uh. A significant other decides to swing home unexpectedly. A new car in the driveway? And you are naked and scrambling. This is how police reports are made.

3. Sloppy phone OPSEC

Photos on your phone or in the “recently deleted” folder, text messages, Facebook messenger, suspicious apps, APs phone number appearing over and over again on the phone bill. Screenshots that inadvertently show shady shit. The delete button is your friend.

Keep your phone as clean as freshly fallen snow!

4. Spouse notices new phone habits

You never leave your phone unattended, carrying it everywhere. Tilting the screen away from prying eyes. Changing passwords. Spending far more time on your device that doesn’t match previous use.

Smiling. It’s amazing how smiling can get you in trouble. You are too happy. Ding-a-ling. Your spouse isn’t stupid.

Watch your behavior.

5. Significant other notices schedule changes

“Working late” all the time, no extra earnings or taking money out of accounts, hanging out with new mysterious friends, and/or going to the gym more frequently.

Manage your excuses carefully. Rotate them and make them work into your existing lifestyle. Don’t suddenly become a social butterfly when you were an introvert before. Plan your meets thoughtfully and carefully. Do not use lame excuses.

Avoid last-minute meetups.

6. Personal appearance changes

Suddenly getting “fit,” dressing differently, manscaping or waxing when your body was au naturale before. Learn to clean a drain and sink if you do that at home. Don’t forget fragrance. If you haven’t spruced yourself in decades at home, don’t be surprised when your spouse wonders why you smell nice.

7. New interests

You like “new” music, a different type of show or movie, new hobbies, or activities. Dead ringer for an affair. Keep up your “same old” patterns if you don’t want to be discovered.

8. Trusting “friends”

Don’t tell people you are cheating. Don’t get lulled into a false sense of complacency. People hate cheaters. They will be shocked and possibly threaten to tell your spouse. Avoid spilling your secrets to anyone.

9. Sloppy spending

Credit card bills to hotels/motels or other “unexplainable” expenses. Don’t leave receipts out. Hide all purchases that are associated with adultery. Toys, lingerie, lube, outings, etc. Do not use “joint” accounts for anything affair-related.

10. STIs or pregnancy

Self explanatory. Be safe, not sorry.

11. A suspicious spouse

Once a partner is looking for clues, it’s too late. You are cooked. Exercise caution on the front end, not the back end.

Takeaway:

“Too much work,” you say. It’s hella exhausting if you are doing “this” right. It’s like living with a sword over your head day after day.

“Ya gotta pay the price, to roll the dice,” as

 wrote.

That’s the truth.

The ONLY way to avoid getting caught is to not do it.