If you are lucky (and you work your ass off) your marriage could last for a very long time. With that thought looming over your head, it’s good to have some guidelines as you attempt to live with the same person for years on end.
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This Saturday, in celebration of my wedding anniversary, I will be eating steak in a fancy restaurant without any children. If the stars are aligned, I may even get dressed up for the occasion. My husband and I will be celebrating our 14th year of wedded bliss (HA!) and my requests were few; a giant slab of red meat and a couple of hours where I’m not responsible for making a casserole or signing school forms. Even after all these years together, I still fantasize that my husband and I will have a very romantic anniversary dinner, talk about our dreams and hold hands in the restaurant. In reality, we will end up talking about our kids, farting in the car and arguing about how much we should tip the waitress. I’m a steady 20-25% and my husband is a cheapskate. Regardless of our differences, we have made it work for this long and we both agree that it hasn’t been easy.
As my husband was getting ready to leave for work this morning, I told him that I wanted to write an article about marriage and I needed a few tips from him to add to the piece. “That’s your thing. It will take me all day to come up with seven marital tips.” He only had fifteen minutes. My husband is a math brain, a numbers guy who spends his days ordering products, calculating cost per piece, and reselling items for a profit. He knows the bottom line, return on investment and how to keep his overhead low. But marital tips? He’s good at being married, but not great at articulating why. I’m proud to report that he did very well.
If you are lucky (and you work your ass off) your marriage could last for a very long time. With that thought looming over your head, it’s good to have some guidelines as you attempt to live with the same person for years on end. For our 14th anniversary, I want to share 14 marital tips that have worked for us; 7 from my math brain husband and 7 from his writer wife, who still uses her fingers to do math.
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From my better half.
1. Your spouse isn’t always right. And neither are you.
2. There is nothing you can’t resolve if you really want to.
3. Roles don’t have to be set in stone.
4. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder.
Take a vacation with your buddies and leave your spouse at home. (This goes for both of you.)
5. Give your spouse what they want, not what you think they want.
This means that you may need to ask what it is that they want. What they really, really want. (You see what I did there?)
6. Make time for sit down dinners that don’t include television, phones or laptops.
7. Leave work issues at work.
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My list.
8. Be the first one to say ‘I’m sorry’.
It’s easier than building up resentment. A few months from now, you won’t remember why you were mad in the first place, so just say you’re sorry and move on.
9. Ask for what you want and be willing to give your partner what they ask for.
I don’t want my husband to buy me clothes or jewelry, so I ask for what I want. Like a big, juicy steak. He wants to pick out his own gifts, so I get really excited when he has a new Dallas Cowboys hoodie because chances are, that was my birthday gift to him.
10. Say kind things to one another every single day.
Even a quick ‘thank you’ can boost your spouse’s mood. And your own.
11. If you have children, be a positive representation of marriage and relationships.
You are modeling how they will treat their significant other, so make it good.
12. Admit to your mistakes immediately and then move on.
We all fuck up sometimes and there is no reason to hide or lie about it. Especially from the person you chose to spend your life with.
13. When your relationship loses steam, which it will, find something to up the ante.
Last month, the hubs and I danced to Footloose in a large ballroom filled with 150 of his high school pals. We have yet to stop talking about it. We hadn’t laughed that hard or hugged that much in a very long time.
14. Embrace the monotony and celebrate the rest.
You will pay bills, watch each other shave, drive to work and sit in silence while eating toast. And then you will celebrate your child’s first day of junior high, laugh at an inside joke or drink champagne in honor of a new opportunity. It’s all a part of the journey.
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Photo: Katri Niemi/Flickr
This is for ladies working in corporate sector Remember, home is not a corporate office with different departments and all mails need to be addressed to all people and politically correct. !!!!!!!!!!!! especially where in laws are concerned….