20 Life-Changing Lessons Every Teen Needs

Dear Son,

I love you very much and now that you’re fourteen years old, and on the cusp of manhood, there are some lessons that I’d like to teach you about life.

When I was your age, I was taught by the well-meaning people in church, that living a good life meant pleasing God by keeping certain rules; being polite and good-natured, and avoiding things like swearing, alcohol, drugs and playing too much with my willy.

I didn’t mean to weird you out then son, but ‘thems’ the facts!

But here’s the real deal — life’s not just about playing by the rules. In fact, Jesus wasn’t renowned for his rule-keeping ability. He broke quite a lot of them, but for a very specific reason. Sometimes, love calls us to put the rules to one side and to do things that are a bit unconventional, yet rooted in goodness. I guess what I’m getting at is that living a good life isn’t just a checklist of do’s and don’ts. It’s more like a dance, and sometimes you’ve got to move in unexpected ways.

As you step into these teenage years, you’re going to face situations where the right thing might not be the most popular or conventional. It’s okay to question things, to stand up for what’s right, even if it means going against the crowd. That’s the kind of courage that I hope you’ll carry with you.

For now, there are some lessons that I want to leave with you — let’s call them principles to live by — that will help you fully step into what you’re already becoming: A wonderful young man.

Lesson 1: There are no bad people

When I grew up in church, I was taught that certain types of people were bad. But that’s not true. There is no such thing as a good person and a bad person. Instead, there are only good people who sometimes make bad choices. Unfortunately, bad choices can ripple out and cause harm to lots of people. Sadly, people who have been hurt, often hurt others.

The best way to end this cycle, is to look at a person when they make a bad choice, remember that they are good, and wonder what must have happened to them to make them hurt someone else. Then, you will be able to still love people who might appear to be bad.

Lessons 2: Love is the loudest doctrine

If you have make a decision and you’re not sure what to do, then ask yourself this question: “What is the most loving thing that I could do right now?” This will always lead you to the right answer.

Lesson 3: The Golden Rule Transcends Doctrine

Treat other people how you would like to be treated.

It’s not just a catchy saying; it’s a powerful guide for life. The Golden Rule goes beyond any specific religious doctrine or belief system. It’s a universal principle that reminds us to treat others with kindness, empathy, and respect, regardless of our differences.

Whether you follow a certain faith or not, practicing the Golden Rule creates a world where compassion becomes the common language.

Lesson 4: Question Authority, Even Your Own

Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

That means when people have power, and no one holds them accountable for that power, they will almost always abuse their position of authority.

Therefore, if someone has been in charge of a place — be it a church or a workplace — for a very long time, you should treat that as a big red flag. Very few people remain in charge for a long time because they are good and benevolent leaders. More often, it is because they cling to power, and destroy all their rivals. On the other hand, good leaders always raise up others to take their place.

Therefore, if you ever find yourself in charge, surround yourself with people who will keep you accountable, and tap you on the shoulder when it is time to move on.

Lesson 5: Actions Echo Louder than Sermons

Let your life be a sermon.

Let your actions, and your deeds be the testimony of your beliefs. Without action, your words lack meaning.

Instead of just speaking about kindness, compassion, and love, embody these virtues in your daily life. People may forget what you say, but they’ll remember how you made them feel. So, let your actions echo the values you hold dear, creating a lasting impact that resonates louder than any words could.

Lesson 6: Doubt is the Doorway to Deeper Faith

It’s okay to have doubts. In fact, if you never have any doubts, then you can hardly say you have any faith. Because faith is believing in something that you hope for, but cannot be certain of.

So, if you are having doubts, don’t be scared. Be glad. You are being invited to truly examine your beliefs for yourself, rather than relying on what other people, usually us parents and the church, have told you. If you process your doubts well, you will end up with a stronger faith.

Lesson 7: Believe in Miracles, but Work For Them Too

There are certain things that happen that are impossible to explain. Some might call them bizarre coincidences, but I will call them miracles. While miracles may feel like magical surprises, working hard, being kind, and staying positive can create opportunities for these special moments.

So, believe in the magic of miracles, but also roll up your sleeves, work towards your goals, and spread kindness to make those miracles happen. It’s the perfect combination of hope and effort that can truly make the extraordinary a part of your everyday life.

Lesson 8: The Bible is Not a Book of History

Some people take the Bible literally. Don’t be one of those people. The Bible is not a book of history or science. Instead, it is a book about how a certain group of people understood God and what he is like, at a certain time in history. They were right about some things, and wrong about other things.

Therefore, the Bible is useful for teaching you certain things about life, God, universe and yourself, and it can offer you certain principles on how to live well. However, if you apply ancient rules and precepts to the modern world, you’re likely to end up tying yourself and others in knots.

Use the Bible to guide, not to prescribe.

Lesson 9: Pray Without Prejudice

If there is someone in your life that is really causing you trouble — an enemy — then pray for them.

Jesus told us to pray for our enemies, and there is a simple reason for that. When you pray for your enemies, you aren’t just praying for them. You’re also praying for yourself. You see, it’s hard to hate people while you are praying for their good. It stops you from stooping to their level and well… just maybe if you pray, you can access the most effective way to defeat an enemy — by making them your friend.

Photo by Amaury Gutierrez on Unsplash

Lesson 10: God’s silence is not God’s absence

Sometimes you will pray, and you will feel like your prayers do not penetrate the ceiling. In fact, that will be the case, more often than not. Just because God is silent, doesn’t mean he is absence.

More than likely, you’ve misunderstood the purpose of praying. We do not pray to change God’s mind. We pray to change our own mind. God does his best work when he is silent, because it is then that we are forced to turn toward the answers that he has already placed within.

Lesson 11: Give generously

The more you give the more you live.

You came to the world with nothing and you will leave the world with nothing. Therefore, if you have the capacity to give, then give. Always. Don’t be stingy, and don’t hold back.

Generosity is not just about material possessions and money; it extends to giving your time, kindness, and compassion. In the act of giving, you create legacy the outlives you.

Lesson 12: Be Quick to Forgive

Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It hurts you, more than it hurts them.

Do not carry around grudges. Always forgive and move on. You can even do this where the person who has harmed you is not even sorry. Forgiveness is always a choice the sits in your own hands. It is not a feeling. It is an act of the will.

Lesson 13: Be a Voice for Those Who Have None

You are called to make a difference in the world. And, that starts by becoming an advocate for those whom others ignore. Speak up for those whose voices are drowned out by injustice or neglect. Be a champion for the marginalized, vulnerable, and unheard.

Your advocacy can be a powerful force for positive change, shedding light on issues that need attention and inspiring others to join the cause. In being a voice for those who have none, you contribute to building a more compassionate and just world where everyone’s story is acknowledged and valued.

Lesson 14: Go the Extra Mile

Always do more than what is expected. If you go above and beyond
what is required, you not only showcase your dedication but also leave a lasting impression.

Going the extra mile is a profound teaching echoed by Jesus, emphasizing the transformative power of selfless service. Offering a helping hand when it’s not asked for, being proactive in solving problems, and showing genuine kindness as a reflection of the teachings of Jesus.

There is nothing special about merely do what is expected. Do more.

Lesson 15: How You Do One Thing is How You Do Everything

If you do something with great care, chances are you’ll do everything with great care. If you cut corners with one thing, chances are you’ll cut corners with everything. If you put your needs first in one thing, then I reckon I would find a pattern of you putting your needs first in everything. If you are generous with one things, chances are you are prone to be generous with everything.

So, cultivate the character that you desire to have in the small things, if you want them influence the big things.

Lesson 16: The Truth is Often in the Middle

In life, you will often encounter people who strongly believe a certain perspective, and others who strongly believe the opposite. Where two opposing groups strong believe that they are the ones who have the answers, the truth is almost always in the middle.

Lesson 17: Unity in Essentials, Liberty in non-essentials

People are very prone to outrage. Sometimes they find very silly things to be outraged about — things that aren’t really that important, in the grand scheme of things. Do not be drawn into such argument.

Not every disagreement requires a battle.

Decide was is worth fighting for, and stand your ground. On everything else, find common ground if you can, and if not, choose to hold your tongue. Focus on the things that bring people together, rather than the things that tear people apart.

Lesson 18: Find something to be thankful for every day

If all you have at the end of the day is the fact that you are still alive, then you have something to be grateful for.

Gratitude has the power to transform your perspective. Even on the toughest days, finding something to be thankful for can shift your focus from challenges to blessings. Whether it’s a simple conversation, the gentle breeze in the evening, or a warm embrace from a loved one, by consistently practicing gratitude, there is always something to say thank you for.

Lesson 19: See the Light in Everyone

No one has a monopoly on the truth. There if value in all belief systems and there is no one from whom you can’t learn something.

And each and every person possesses merely through there very existence, intrinsic value as a beloved child of God. Therefore, everyone is worthy of respect, and honor and love.

Don’t you dare look down on anyone or go thinking that you’re above someone. You’re not. All are equal.

Lesson 20: You’re Good Enough

As a kid, I never felt like I was good enough. In fact, I felt like I was a big disappointment to God, my family and everyone.

I’m sure that wasn’t true, but that’s how I felt.

So, let me make this one thing very clear: You are good enough. You have got what it takes. You are not a disappointment. My overwhelming emotion toward you is sheer, unadulterated, delight. You are deeply, deeply loved.

Let everything you do come from a place of security, rather than a place of “trying to earn approval.” You already have approval. You are free to live without striving!

And finally…

My influence in your life is now in decline as you begin to take flight toward your independence. But, I love that you are finding your wings.

I can’t live your life for you, but I pray that you’ll carry these lessons with you as you climb into the clouds. Let the values they hold be your guide towards a purposeful, compassionate, and fulfilling journey.

As my role transitions from guide to supporter, understand that my love for you stays rock-solid. I know you have the potential for greatness, and I look forward to seeing the unique path you create for yourself.

So, go out there, tackle the challenges, and always remember that you’re loved beyond what you know and understand.

All my love,

Dad

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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