The most powerful way to change the world is to live in front of our children the way we would like the world to be. — Graham R White
We’re connecting on a writing platform. We understand words are important. We know that words can build children up, and just as easily, they can tear them down.
Children often imitate what they see and hear: their relationships with others can be a reflection of what the parent-child dynamic has to offer. Kindness does more than emulate kindness, in particular with the parent-child relationship. It is foundational for both the parent and child and a springboard into many other facets of our lives.
Kindness within this relationship fosters self-worth and safety. Show your children that you believe in them by making a habit of positive language.
On the next car ride or when there’s silence at the dinner table — why not engage your children in some positive praise or prompts? I have a list to get you started, here are 20 Positive Things to Say to Your Child to build them up.
- How can I help?
- You make me happy.
- What do you want to do today?
- I am proud of… [insert specific example]
- What do you think?
- I believe you.
- How did you show kindness today?
- I love that idea.
- That’s a great question.
- Thank you for sharing that with me.
- What did you enjoy most about today?
- What was the best thing that happened today?
- I am having so much fun with you.
- How do you feel about that?
- You’re a good friend.
- Thank you for asking.
- That was a wise choice.
- You did it all on your own.
- I’m listening.
- I appreciate you.
The impact of words is powerful. Arriving at Grandmas and Grandpas for Sunday morning breakfast, my children enter the kitchen, “how can I help?” My mother smiles with appreciation.
My youngest child is telling me about his dream, the one where he and his best friend became real-life Pokemon and they ventured to find pet dragons. There is a pause. Looking into my young son’s hazel eyes I let him know, “you make me happy. Thanks for sharing.” He climbs on my lap places his arms on my shoulders, and kisses me gently on my cheek, “I love you, mommy.”
“What do you want to do today?” completely open-ended may be unrealistic, so you may need to give a choice of activities. Asking my children what is on their “agenda” helps set the day up for success — provided I am able to follow through. Over-time, this question has become somewhat predictable, most often a walk to the candy store, a hike with a friend, or a trip to the playground — all very easily within our means. Putting the kids in the driver’s seat empowers them to may a decision and demonstrates how to take other’s feelings into account as the activity is one the family participates in together.
These are just a few of the examples of positive language in action as seen through the relationship with me and my children. What do you think? How have you experienced the effects of positive language in your relationship with your child?
Children must never work for our love, they must rest in it. -Gordon Neufeld
Positive language motivates, inspires, and is contagious. It supports growth and personal development. When raising children, it is not only the children who grow but parents who grow too.
The words we use: the questions we ask, the statements we make have an impact — on both our children and ourselves.
Our words are powerful; they are influential. Let’s be a conscious example of kindness and love because we never know which words our children are holding onto, shaping them for tomorrow.
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Previously published on medium
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Photo credit: by Ben White on Unsplash
