20 Seconds to Get Anyone to Do What You Want

People are leopards. Many can’t change their spots. Nor can flattery erase who they are.

But you can have someone act less like their true selves to be a better friend, boss, or neighbour to you. No. You don’t have to see them at their worst, hear true rumors about them, share vulnerable stories, or save them from disaster.

None of those.

Twenty seconds of a decent first impression.

You’ll reform someone’s personality in your favor. Most of it is how you present yourself and plain psychology.

1. The Way People Feel About Their Insecurities Around You

Every human has insecurities. Most cope with flaws horribly. Monstrous self-doubt will have some dislike your posture; how others stare when you enter rooms. Others with tiny anxiety grow more jealous daily. The rest use you as a shield, happy to have you as an associate.

When possible, avoid people who let their insecurities rule their behavior.

If that’s impossible, try this tactic.

Dare not to outshine.

Remain a demure, acknowledging energy in rooms you enter.

Yes — eye contact.
Yes — learn names.
Yes — pay homage to others and echo their ideas when launching creative ideas.
Yes — patience and a forgiving nature.
Yes — releveling the field when asked a favor.
Yes — open body language and open-minded opinions. (non-condensing attitude to human oddities)

Never take anyone or your position for granted.

Nor use it to excuse behaviors. Stay humble.

For example, rather than being quick to judge or share your best accomplishments. Create a space for acceptance. Acknowledge the days you struggled. Don’t let people forget you had hard times.

Just look at how successful brands phrase their tagline. Each anchored into joining their community’s experience. Let moments, especially celebratory ones, bring you closer to your circle rather than have you top them.

People are gentle (expect and ask for less) when they mentally place you in the underdog category.

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2. The Way They Compare Themselves to You

About 10 percent of thoughts involve comparison. Some beliefs are to feel better about ourselves. Other assumptions are total opposites. Those imply life isn’t fair mixed with regret because someone else has been lucky and has life easier.

Keep your plans to yourself.
Share fewer personal details.
Give ambiguous replies.
Never announce. Let time reveal accomplishments.
Say less.

People don’t care. They want to know about you for comparison purposes. Then the mischievous uses of the simplest of personal data multiply.

Take this conversation, for example.

Jenna: “Who do you live with?”

John: “I live with my parents.”

Jenna: “That must be so nice. No bills. No rent. Oh, so much less pressure. You must have so much free time too, huh? I bet your report is already finished.”

See how that escalated quickly.

It’s better to be vague or say socially accepted responses of your group. Like, “I spent the weekend getting ready for Monday.” Or “I watched shows.” Rather than announce, “I do client work.”

People will envy the littlest of details if they believe this is a freedom or a privilege they cannot also enjoy.

It’s so important to have friends different from associates and work colleagues. Everyone should not know your business. Fewer details known about you — makes you less common and people respectful in their approach.

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3. Be Within the Realm of Spotlight

A quiet person may gain recognition through their figure, grace, beauty, or unexpected intellect when they do speak. A loud individual is known by their voice. Reframe from hogging attention. But do remain on people’s radar.

Opportunities go to people who are liked and known by those in a position to elect them. (Read that again. All elements needed for things to come together.)

Take nothing for granted.

Partake in office duties if in writing. Avoid instances where you work and have the credit taken from you. Never be quick to always help. By deliberate involvement, you gain notoriety for a specific contribution. Never be afraid to own your work — add bylines to your creations. If not available, negotiate incorporation of your author name.

Decision-makers face information overload and short attention spans. They miss cues. So you miss opportunities.

What if you intentionally bring attention to yourself by developing systems via a social media presence, leveraged network, or credited office work like Dan Koe or Justin Welsh? You get luckier. People seem to give you what you want without much persuasion.

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