There is something about the smell of burning human hair that cannot be described in words. During the recent meal prep of Thanksgiving 2018, I managed to accidentally singe the hair on my knuckles on a candle as I passed them out for dinner. This stench brought back of a flood of memories from this era of 2006 Justin.
Back in 2006, the internal despair, paired with a strong hate of myself and my outward appearance, became too much to keep in. I turned to self-harm to try to let out some of this pain.
I didn’t want to cut myself since that would leave marks, which would make it hard to keep under wraps. I had done a stunt previously where I sprayed Axe body spray on my hand and lit it on fire. It didn’t cause pain if you doused it in water after a few seconds. But if you let it burn a few seconds longer, it hurt like hell. I did this a handful of times each week. It didn’t seem to help, yet it became a habit.
Honestly, I never really understood the concept of self-harm before, during, and after this time period. Trying to make inner pain into outer pain didn’t do anything to release the pain, but I couldn’t stop. When my mental demons poked up, I pulled out the can and went to town.
These days, in 2018, the thing that sticks with me most isn’t the fading memory of pain. To be honest, I don’t remember how exactly it hurt and luckily, I didn’t cause any long term damage. However, what I will always remember is the odor. It may not have removed my pain, but that smell as it burned off the hair on my hand will haunt me forever.
—
Are you a first-time contributor to The Good Men Project? Submit here:
◊♦◊
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member, today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all-access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class, and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group, and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
Image Credit: pixabay
