22 Things I Learned (the Hard Way) About Love in 2022

In January, my family woke up with the bad news that my aunt’s marriage was over. It’s her second divorce.

3 months after that, my cousin who’s just turned 22, got pregnant with a man who was 10 years older than her.

The whole family felt disappointed. My grandfather got a heart attack and has been sick ever since.

With that, 2022 started in bad terms. It’s heartbreaking seeing what seemed to be an endless sadness in my family’s eyes.

But shit happens.

There’s only so much you can control. On the other side, I learned so much about love — more than I could count.

Both from the relationships around me and my own.

If you’re doing some reflections on your love life this month, let this be your mini guide so you’ll get better in this department next year.

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1. You’ll never be enough for someone who doesn’t want you in the first place

I used to prove myself to those I dated in the past that I’m worthy.

I tried too hard to be unique and exceptional — which also means I changed myself to suit their needs.

That’s no longer happening now and this year I learned that someone who loves you will always see you more than enough.

2. Emotional abuse is real — seek help

My aunt called her marriage off because she was abused — both mentally and physically. It’s hard to hear a story like that — especially from your loved ones.

Not to mention that it’s almost 2023 and there are still men out there who treat women poorly. They’re the true definition of trash people.

And don’t believe them when they tell you they’ve changed.

3. The Romeo & Juliet effect

I’m in this relationship where my partner’s parents disapprove of our relationship. I used to feel down about it.

For the first 6 months of 2022, I cried a lot and thought there was no way out.

But little did I realize, the more his parent say “no” to us, the stronger our relationship. We’re more sure about each other than ever.

Don’t let external factors stop you.

4. No one knows your relationship better than you do

Stop asking random people for relationship advice.

The same thing with business, you don’t want to ask about how to build a long-lasting relationship with someone who’s never been in one.

You do need other’s people perspectives but at the end of the day, you should be the one calling the shot.

5. Being single is fun — if you know how to embrace it

Complaining about how modern dating sucks won’t help you.

Men don’t magically want to commit just because you whine about it. Above all, being single is actually fun.

You just need to change the way you see it because focusing too much on the negative sides will only make you feel more frustrated.

We don’t need that in 2023.

So embrace your single years while it lasts. Trust me, you’ll miss it.

6. Women need to know how to look for their own money

My mother’s best advice when it comes to a relationship is this,

“We, women, need to know how to earn money — even when we’re with a rich husband. Because we don’t know. When things go south, you need to be able to stand on your own feet.”

This year particularly, I learned that being financially dependent on a man isn’t an option. It can take away your freedom and sanity.

7. Long distance relationship isn’t for the faint-hearted

I’m still in one and this year has gotten harder.

When I see some gen z are overly excited about online dating and then trying to find someone who lives a thousand miles away, I look at them and feel bad.

It’s like they don’t know what they sign up for.

A long-distance relationship isn’t fun. It’s full of uncertainty and it gets very very expensive. Trying to close the gap isn’t easy.

So if you aren’t ready, don’t do it.

8. People will always judge how imperfect your love life is

Being 28 this year makes me think a lot about what actually matters.

I have nosy neighbors. They’re also small-minded.

All they care about is how my partner should be in the same religion and race.

Listening to what they say will do me nothing but unnecessary problems. So ignored them all.

9. Online dating only works if you know what you want

Many people are stuck in a situationship.

Those who are successful in online dating, know what they want the moment they hit that “sign up” button on Bumble.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, it’s better to spend more time with yourself.

10. A healthy relationship is boring but emotionally rewarding

It doesn’t always have a high feeling and you don’t get butterflies in your stomach — not anymore.

But that’s real life.

You don’t want to depend on the lovey-dovey feeling to keep the relationship going.

11. Don’t compare your relationship with other people’s

I’m done comparing my love life with those couples I don’t even know in real life.

It’s not every day that I meet someone like my current partner who’s caring and supportive. Which is more than enough.

Underappreciation is what kills the connections.

12. Every man has his own way to be romantic

Expecting a man to be generally romantic just like how you see it in rom-com movies will only destroy the relationship.

You should know that those are nothing but a fairy tale.

It’s much better to embrace his uniqueness in expressing his love rather than expecting him to be like other men.

13. To thrive in a long-term relationship, you need to have strong boundaries

Boundaries matter a lot more than people think.

Just because he’s your partner, that doesn’t mean you can’t disagree. You don’t have to please him and say “yes” all the time.

The best relationship is where you still can be yourself.

14. There isn’t such a thing as the perfect time to settle down

You decide when’s the best time — whenever you’re ready.

You don’t need to follow your peers and get married if you’re still happy being on your own.

I wish I realized this sooner.

15. You can never change your partner’s bad behavior

Never.

For years my mother wanted to make my stepdad stop smoking. He couldn’t and more like, wouldn’t.

He never changed until he died from lung cancer. It’s enough to make me realize that you shouldn’t try to change your partner in the first place.

It should be coming from their end.

16. Depending on your partner emotionally will only give you pain in the long run

Expecting your partner to always make you happy will set you a heartbreak.

I was there earlier this year and I can assure you it’s not worth the pain.

Being responsible for our own emotions (even the bad ones) is hard but it’s better than depending on someone else.

17. Be with someone who makes you feel free

Freedom is a big deal.

Being in a relationship shouldn’t make you feel like you’re in a cage. In fact, you should feel free.

The right relationship brings out the best in you — not the other way around.

18. It’s always easier to walk away than stay

With all the problems, it’s easy for me to walk away but I stay regardless.

Not because I couldn’t live without my partner, but because I realized even if I move on and find someone new, it’s going to be the same.

Relationships are hard. Those who say otherwise are lying.

19. Take red flags seriously

Especially on the first date.

The earlier you catch it, the more time you save.

Gone are the days when we put up with bad behaviors from someone who doesn’t even care about us.

20. You don’t need to tell the world about your love life

Keep it private.

I used to get that FOMO (feeling of missing out) because all my peers seem to be posting their boyfriends on social media.

It got to the point where they kinda brag about it. As if being in a relationship is the greatest thing you could ever achieve in life.

No, it’s not.

You don’t have to always update people about your love life. Some stuff is better kept alone.

21. Instagram couples aren’t real

Don’t let Instagram couples shape your mindset that the relationship should be easy, with no conflicts whatsoever.

Most content we see on Instagram is misleading and unhealthy because, in reality, a relationship does have ups and downs.

It doesn’t look that magical. And love is definitely not enough to keep it going.

22. Have at least one couple that you look up to

Not the perfect one you saw on social media. But a couple who you know in real life and have a truly healthy relationship.

Mine is always my grandparent’s marriage. They’ve been together for more than 50 years and still going strong.

So whenever I go through a hard time, I always remind myself that a healthy and successful relationship does exist.

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As they say, “one bad chapter doesn’t define your future”. Just because you feel like failing in your love life this year, doesn’t mean next year can’t be better.

I always see love and relationships as a learning curve. There’ll be heartbreaks and disappointments along the way.

But as long as we’re honest about our feelings and try our best to not sabotage our relationship, things are gonna be OK.

Here’s to a more thriving and healthy love life in 2023.

We got this.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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