28 Life Lessons Learned in 28 Years

“Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.” — John Gardner

Today is my 28th birthday. I thought about some of the most important life lessons that I have learned in the first 28 years of life.

I still have so much to learn. But here are 28 lessons that I’ve learned in no particular order.

I hope you can learn a lesson or two!

1. Kindness is a never-ending currency.

Rich, poor, working, or not, you have the constant influx of kindness to pay forward if you choose to. Life is hard, some people can be mean, and it’s always easier to get angry, but kindness takes you farther than anything else.

2. It’s what you do, not what you say you will do.

Your word matters, but only if you keep it. Whether it’s a promise to someone else or a commitment to yourself, you’re only as good as the thing you’ll follow through on. What you say you’ll do doesn’t matter if people know you won’t actually come through. Your subconscious mind knows it too. If you always break promises to yourself then you’ll never break bad habits and create good ones, because you’re already setting yourself up to fail.

3. Ambition is useless without action.

You can have all the goals and plans and huge audacious dreams in the world, but if you don’t have the drive and initiative to make them happen, they never will. You have to be willing to try, fail, learn, repeat, and work ridiculously hard to build the life you want. If it hasn’t happened it’s either because you quit or you just haven’t gotten there yet. Let your work ethic be as big as the dream.

4. Life happens for you, not to you.

Everything in life happens for our higher good. Especially when we don’t see it. Sometimes the life needs to get us from point A to point B by redirecting our path, and it always feels hard. But at the end of the day, you find out that it’s all happening for you not to you.

5. Overnight success is a myth.

Those people that you think came out of nowhere and those massive accomplishments that you think “just happened” to them took years of hard work. Just because you didn’t see their trials, struggles, tears, and failures doesn’t mean they didn’t happen. If you want something you have to put in the work to get it. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither is your success.

6. Create more than you consume.

A big part of putting yourself out there is to create. Write, Tweet, take photos, draw, launch a podcast, a newsletter, a local event, an online community. A corollary of this one is: “Give more than you take.” Give your time, share your ideas with others. You will learn much more in the process than if you limited yourself to passive consumption.

7. Read every day

The greatest way to get the greatest ideas is to read. There’s this great quote that goes like this: “Books are the hardbound drug of my choice.” I like that one a lot. The more you read, the more ideas you get. Read something every day to expand your mind. Even if it’s just for 20 minutes.

8. You cannot change people.

The only thing you can control is you and your reactions. People won’t change unless they want to. If someone won’t listen to you at a normal decibel, they’re less likely to listen when you’re screaming at them. All you can do is love people well and live the example that you want to set. Hopefully they’ll come around, but don’t spend your life waiting for them to.

9. You will figure it out.

Whatever it is. You’ll find a way to get through the thing that’s stressing you out right now. They say the grass is greener on the other side, but it always looks greener on the other side, because you don’t bother to notice how green your grass is when you’re standing on it. Keep your chin up, because you’ll get through whatever you’re going through.

10. Your habits define you.

We are the sum of our habits, routines, and rituals. I used to define my identity through projecting a certain persona, which sometimes was at odds with my true beliefs and values. I now count on the sum of my actions to create a picture of who I am. Your current habits define who you are. Are you reading everyday? You’re a reader. Are you writing everyday? You’re a writer. Are you running everyday? You’re a runner. It’s as simple as that. (Atomic Habits by James Clear is a great primer on the topic)

11. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

When it’s hard, when it hurts, and when it’s awkward is when you learn and grow the most. Ask questions you think are dumb, don’t be afraid to look stupid, and have hard conversations. Life gets easier the moment you learn this lesson. When you force yourself into uncomfortable situations for the sake of being a better person, you’ll become one.

12. A bad day doesn’t mean a bad life.

We all have them, and sometimes they might be a bad week or a bad season, and not just a day. Life’s still good. There’s still more to look forward to, and it’s worth it to keep looking for the good and hoping for tomorrow. Find something to be grateful for and keep fighting through it.

13. To be interesting, be interested.

It’s not just okay to ask questions, it’s necessary. Ask more questions. When someone shares something, say “tell me more.” Don’t just act curious, be curious.

14. Share your progress, not your goals.

Research shows that people are more likely to achieve their goals if they keep their intentions private. Because you often receive premature praise, talking about your goals becomes a substitute for achieving them. On the other hand, sharing your progress has been found to help you achieve your goals.

15. Fall in love with the process.

In the same vein, don’t focus too much on the end goal. Your goals may change, you may fail, you may have to take a different direction. Leverage your passion to stay focused and motivated, and the results will come.

16. Vulnerability is the key to close relationships.

Being exposed to the possibility of being harmed is terrifying. I used to want to be strong; to act strong, to be perceived as strong. But the day I decided to accept that I was as messy and lost as everyone else opened up so many friendships that wouldn’t had flourished had I decided to keep this facade. When you open up, you tell people it’s okay to be themselves, and you get a glimpse into their mind which is the most wonderful thing in the world.

17. There is no experience like life experience.

Buy the ticket, take the trip, do the scary thing, reach out to the person, and try something new. Trying and failing, constantly looking for opportunities, and meeting new people will teach you more than any form of education. Gaining life experience is the best way to experience life, and you’ll learn things you couldn’t ever find on the internet.

18. Everyone is fighting for something.

People are fighting for their lives. People are fighting for their dream. People are fighting for what they believe in. Everyone is walking a path you know nothing about and fighting a battle that you don’t understand. All the more reason to be kind and patient with everyone you meet, because you don’t know the motivations behind their actions.

19. Writing is a superpower.

Out of every skill I have acquired in the past 28 years, writing is the highest leverage one. It doesn’t cost anything, it’s shareable, browseable, searchable. It can be the basis for an online community, products, events, and more. Anyone can start writing with just a laptop and an Internet connection.

20. Find beauty in the little things.

A friend’s smile, a cute little street, a cup of tea with a good book. Not every second of our life needs to be productive. Taking the time to appreciate the world around us and the precious moments of beauty is part of being alive.

21. Do things differently to think differently.

You can’t expect to come up with innovative ideas if you consume the same stuff everyone does. Read different books, watch different shows, go to different events. Because your input will be different, your output will be different.

22. Prioritizing time does matter.

While I believe everyone close to you is important, time is still the most valuable currency. This means you need to choose. Taking a few minutes to really think about how you want to spend your time and who you want to spend it with. It will reduce the amount of regret you may feel in the future.

23. Being disciplined trains the mind.

I don’t like discipline by nature; I had to learn to like it. I’ve learned that when I’m disciplined, I feel better, I accomplish more, and I have more positive thoughts. The more disciplined I get, the easier it is to finish things with less effort. Discipline builds the momentum.

24. Let go of people who aren’t happy for you.

This is something that I’ve recently learned. When people aren’t happy about their lives, they tend to be envious of others. If this happens to you with your friends, let them go. Save your time and energy for people who aren’t intimidated by you living your greatest.

25. You get what you put in.

With relationships, your career, your effort, your time, you’ll get out of it what you’re willing to put into it. If you want a good relationship, you have give it the time and dedication it deserves. If you want a successful career, you have to put in the work and grit that it takes to build it. With anything you do, you have to give before you get. It’s your responsibility to fix the things in your life that aren’t where you want them to be.

26. Stop saying “If __, then I’ll be happy”

If you think you have to have something or do something before you can be happy, then you never will be. You’ll always want more, and nothing will ever be able to fill the void where happiness should already exist. If you can’t learn to find joy and pride and fulfillment in the life you currently have then you need to reevaluate your priorities. Matthew McConaughey said “joy is always in progress.” True joy is something you should constantly be looking for and always be able to find.

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27. Yet is the most powerful word in the dictionary.

You can change the entire meaning of a sentence by adding the word “yet.” Instead of “I don’t know enough to do this” it’s “I don’t know enough yet.” Instead of “I’m not where I want to be” it’s “I’m not there yet.” Every negative thing you think about yourself can be flipped with the word. Think and act like a Yetti. Make it your most used word, and you’ll start to realize how many possibilities actually exist for you.

28. Be there for yourself.

Always. Life happens, and sometimes it’s testing us at all levels. People we love leave, people we trust disappoint us, our dreams don’t work out, we get sick and tired. But at all these times, you’re the only person who is there with you. Don’t abandon yourself when life gets complicated; it’s time you need yourself the most.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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