How satisfaction in life flows from creating meaning
–––
We aren’t built to coast. Despite the “American Dream” of living a life of luxury, too much indolence leads to a lack of meaning. A lack of meaning leads to depression, anxiety and host of other issues.
I read an article some years back about an exchange student from Lebanon who was about to return home. The interviewer asked about his impressions of the U.S. The student talked about technology and efficiency and cereal, which he had never had in Lebanon.
He said that he was looking forward to being back in his own village because life is harder there. He said that life is easier in the U.S. and that makes it boring. This insight stuck with me and reinforced the foundation of how I try to live my life.
For me, three simple beliefs hold the key feeling content. Most everything in my life flows from these in some way or another. These keep me whole and help me maintain my balance.
1. Meaning
I believe that meaning forms the basis of my psyche, my manhood and my standing as a human being. And I believe that meaning is always possible, no matter the situation.
At those times when I feel my life has no meaning, I suffer. I sink into depression and binge—watch shows on the internet. I eat for comfort, tend to isolate and don’t sleep well.
When I feel like there is meaning in my life, something to do or look forward to or work toward, I feel content—even if I don’t necessarily feel happy. It is this contentedness that matters to me because it helps form how I see the world. When I feel content, I see possibilities where I might otherwise see only predicaments.
2. Engagement
I believe meaning is borne of engaging with the moment and any adversity it brings, even, or perhaps especially, when that adversity comes in the form of boredom and the mundane.
Whatever sense of satisfaction I have in my life is a direct result of engaging with the moment. Don’t get me wrong, I love to be happy, but what matters more to me are those things that make me happy—even when they aren’t making me happy. Like getting a grumpy 5-year-old ready for school. Or for bed. Or for, well, you get the picture.
I’m satisfied with both the simple things and the more complex issues that come up as long as I embrace them fully. That satisfaction will always mean more to me than being happy for an hour or a day. Really engaging with the hardship that comes up. And failing. And having to deal with the hardship of owning that failure.
This is a lesson I’ve learned over and over because the next time something painful happens I don’t want to believe that lesson from last time, that leaning in is better than avoiding. Leaning into the good things is easy, but struggling to engage with the good and the bad equally has improved the quality of my life and relationships. If I’m not hurting fully when I hurt, then I can’t love fully either.
3. Willingness
I believe I can measure my spiritual and emotional health by my willingness to engage with the moment.
My willingness to engage is like a spiritual and emotional thermometer. When it’s low, it’s usually because I’m trying to avoid dealing with something. Call it depression or burn out or relationship trouble, it usually boils down to me not having that hard conversation with someone or not making a difficult decision even when I already know what needs to be done.
When my willingness is strong, my life tends to work out pretty well. The good days outnumber the bad and even when those good days turn out to be difficult or uncomfortable they’re still good. When I embrace whatever comes up in my life I find that it just flows through. Those things that seem scary usually aren’t and are just as temporary as anything else. It all comes back again to that lesson about leaning into difficulty instead of leaning out.
Like that Lebanese exchange student, I need challenge as part of my day to day existence. I don’t need life to be hard all the time, but I do need something to work on, some problem or puzzle or conundrum. Otherwise, life is boring.
In short, I need meaning or I founder.
Originally posted on natcoakley.com
Photo: pasotraspaso/Flickr