It goes without explanation that the dating game has changed, especially for men today.
It’s also surprising that I still have to explain how it has changed to some men.
No, I won’t shame you for making common mistakes you will read about, but I will give you some rapid-fire changes you can make that will instantly produce new results.
There are lessons we learn when we are in our juvenile stage that teach us the basis: be a gentleman, keep the romance alive, and never get comfortable.
There are new lessons you can learn that will put you over the top and stand out amongst the crowd.
Let’s get real for a second. When you are dating or pursuing a woman, you are competing to get her and competing with the men around her.
No, that doesn’t mean that you’re a small fish in a big pond, and you’re no more than 1 of 20 options.
It means elevating your game and understanding to get ahead of the pack.
If you want to be one of those Disney Fairytale people out here who think destiny determines their fate, go for it!
For the rest of you, let’s learn some game that is not common knowledge that you can implement today.
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For the thrill of it
Something that has been “known” about men is that we love the thrill of the chase.
I have a secret most people won’t tell you. The highest amount of success you’ll have in the market is when you don’t chase.
I tell men, “When in doubt, fall back.”
Let’s be honest. We have all had a situation when we were so infatuated with someone that we tolerated varying nonsense.
You over-pursued, double-texted, accepted the friend zone, showered someone with compliments, etc. I could go on forever with examples.
You think you are putting your best foot forward and showing someone how you feel about them.
The irony is while you think you’re doing that, you’re slowly disrespecting yourself.
When you show someone you can’t walk away from something that doesn’t serve you, it makes you appear weak.
Women see this whether they are conscious of it or not.
I challenge you to implement a zero-tolerance approach to dating.
She doesn’t text you back? Then on to the next. Does she “have to check her schedule” to see if she’s available for a date? Then on to the next. Do you feel like she’s not reciprocating the same energy you are bringing? Then on to the next.
Walking away is not intended to be a malicious act. Once you realize your value, you will not leave so much of your self-worth in attaining or holding on to someone you’re trying to date or pursue.
Pen and paper
Remember when I told you that women will notice your strengths or weaknesses whether or not they’re aware?
Well, women will test you whether they’re aware of it or not.
I bet you can think of a girl you were dating, and things were seemingly going well, and out of nowhere, she slowly faded out of the picture.
Yes, some girls flake, ghost, and disappear for no reason.
The rest of the time, you most likely failed an initial test that scared her off for good.
Lucky for you, I already laid out one of the tests above.
- Self-worth test- Women will test you to see if you can walk away. When you show her that she can gain space in your life without earning it and misbehave without consequences, then you’ll fail.
- Behavioral response test- Women are hyper-aware of how men act in emotionally charged situations. Women want to feel safe and comfortable. They can’t feel that way without someone who is in control of their emotions.
- Listening/emotions- Men, you have heard it before. Women want a man who can listen without always proposing a solution. They also want you to be able to provide solutions. Wait…Tunde. I know. Luckily, most women will help you learn what they need here.
- First impression test- I don’t care who the woman is. They want someone they can brag to their friends about. The first impression you leave with her is important. The impression her friends and family have can have more influence on your relationship than you’ll ever know, unfortunately.
Leader of the race
There will be some that disagree, but stay with me here. I don’t care what women tell you. Women do not like a guy who is always available and willing to drop everything they have to attend to them.
When you start dating someone new, it is okay to lead in the pursuit, but initially, let her set the cadence.
Learning this tactic is the most beneficial of the three for men.
You are allowing her to bring you into her life at a pace where she is comfortable, but you are also putting the ball in her court to show her interest level.
Remember what we talked about in bullet one before you move on.
When she does not hint at date ideas or directly say she wants to see you again, move on!
I am not telling you to wait until a girl damn near is the one to ask you out.
When she sends you the day’s first text, that’s a sign of interest level. When she remembers something (location, event, club) you talked about on a date and brings it up, that’s a sign of interest level. The best case is when you plan the next date during an active one.
Nonetheless, you can lead, but let her set the cadence.
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I know you are in the middle of a dating market that is going through a full transition, but that doesn’t mean you get away with refusing to learn how to change with it.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: René Ranisch on Unsplash