3 Hard Truths You Have To Accept To Find Your Soulmate

With almost every person I’ve dated, I’ve asked myself this: What if they’re the one?

Don’t get me wrong: I knew many of them weren’t, at least not at that point. I wasn’t deeply in love with any of my exes; I just appreciated who they could be and the fun we had.

As someone who’s experienced unhealthy relationships, I swooned at behaviors that should have been baseline, like respecting my boundaries and making me laugh.

I just wanted a romantic partner so badly. I wanted to be wanted. I wanted to find my soulmate and never endure heartbreak again.

Except that didn’t happen for a while. My ache for love caused me to put up with behaviors I wouldn’t want or find in my soulmate.

I had to accept these truths first.

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1. Not every person is going to be your forever person — and that’s OK.

Some people date to marry, and others date just to date.

Either way, it’s easy (and probably good, to an extent) to have hope with each new partner. But at the same time, you can’t let that hope blind you to the truths staring you in the face (like I did for too long).

Some people will mistreat you. You’ll meet some people at the wrong time. Some of the ones you love most will betray you.

Not every person you meet is the person you’re meant to be with. When you accept that and don’t stick with people whom your gut tells you aren’t right, you can actually find “the one.”

Affirmation to remember

This person may not be my match, and that’s OK. It doesn’t mean I won’t ever find them.

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2. You can’t plan on changing someone for them to be “the one.”

If only. If only he cared more about me. If only he was a little bit better at showing affection. If only we didn’t have so many lows to accompany our relationship’s highs.

Thoughts like these consumed my mind and my heart when I thought about past partners while we dated.

I convinced myself if I did X, they would surely do Y, and then we’d be set. Or that it was OK they didn’t do X, because not every partner is absolutely perfect, right?

But then I stopped thinking that way — and I found my person.

She showed me affection consistently. She cared about me more than any partner ever had. Our relationship made me happy often.

I realized with your soulmate, you won’t be thinking “if only.” At least not as much or as seriously.

Affirmation to remember

While I’ll need to communicate my needs with my soulmate, I won’t need to worry about them following through or giving me what I need so much.

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3. You deserve (and will find) a healthy, dreamy love.

I don’t know about you, but growing up, I heard and believed statements like these:

No relationship is perfect.
You have to get married in your 20s and have kids in your 30s.
Love isn’t always easy.
I’ve been in unhealthy relationships because that’s what I deserve.

And hey, some of those (just definitely not the second and fourth!) are fairly true. What became the problem for me, though, was taking those statements too far.
When I didn’t feel loved or cared for in a relationship, I chalked it up to relationships not being perfect. When a relationship was hard, I figured that was normal.

Sure, no relationship is perfect, but it should be healthy and mostly positive.

Sure, love isn’t always easy, but it shouldn’t be super hard, either.

And the age thing? That’s just not the most realistic (or common) scenario.

I had to remind myself of these truths often and ask myself what I truly felt and wanted. I had to remember my past experiences didn’t dictate my future or my worth.

Then, I met my soulmate.

Affirmation to remember

No matter what I’ve been through, I deserve a partner who makes me feel good most of the time. I can find the person I’m looking for who checks off my boxes.

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Takeaways

Surrounded by princess movies as a child and romance movies as an adult, it’s easy to ache for true love. It’s understandable that we may want to mold someone who is interested in us so they’ll fit what we’re looking for.

But once we realize our inherent worth, have faith, and hold out for someone who makes us wholeheartedly happy, we can find the one — sometimes when we least expect it.

When you find your soulmate, you’ll know it.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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