When will men realize that being honest and vulnerable is, well, sexy?
Men always inspire me. Their way of doing stuff, their skills of getting shit done, of keeping themselves fit, their easy view on many (for us women) complicated things, their coolness and their manly appearance. I love them for being gentlemen, I love them for being strong, I love them for being powerful, I love them for being calm and I love them for teaching me so many things. But as beautiful as it might sound, as big is the responsibility men have to care in our world. I am talking about the high expectations this world has about what it means to “be a real man”.
I love it to have those deep, long talks with my male friends, men I date or also random men I meet. With some it works perfectly well. And I noticed that all of them, from young to old, from students to successful entrepreneurs, they actually really want to talk about their feelings, they want to relax and not to worry about being ‘man enough’ for a second. I was really impressed by how honest some men are, how vulnerable they sometimes can be and how beautiful they think of this world. Especially when it comes to those cool business men, who always have to be “men of steel”.
If a man is fit and strong, lives a successful life, is active and has lots of attention of pretty women, then it seems as he would have it all. Many people don’t notice, but those men are sad too and they suffer sometimes too.
Here are three little secrets I found out about men and their feelings, but psssst, don’t tell anyone …
Secret #1 – Men have fears not to be seen as “supermen”
Qualities like strength, fearlessness and power are often marked as manly. They have to be the first, they have to save the world, they have to be the warriors for us. They have to make a great, successful career, they have to become amazing husbands and fathers. It’s a high standard to hold, isn’t it? So men have to live up to it. They are always under pressure to be strong and to be successful, to stay calm and to function 100%.
But believe me, men cry too. They have fears not to succeed as everybody expects them to. And I love it about some men, who openly talked with me about their fears not to break the highest mountains and to disappoint their beloved ones and especially themselves. They are scared not to be the supermen, they imagine, to have to be. Men have fears as much as we do. They are just often scared to admit it and to seem weak.
I think its adorable, if they show feelings and just want to be hugged sometimes, it’s okay guys.
Secret #2 – Men often have to perform
To stay on a high level of their masculinity, men often “perform”. They are the superstars of their own stage and they want to seem big, to seem manly, to have a beard, to have this strong masculine energy. So just as us women, who sometimes pretend to be flower-girls with candies, men pretend to be ‘cool’ or (way too) ‘serious’. The outcome is, that they don’t play their most authentic role and aren’t seen for who they truly are. What a surprise. I believe that men are often scared of their good heart and their good intentions. But I admire those, who have the courage to live their goodheartedness.
Goodhearted men, who show their true kindness are definitely masculine and sexy.
Secret #3 – Men are looking for a soulmate
Almost every cool, self-aware man I know is dreaming of the ‘nirvana’-relationship. A friendship-relationship and a romantic one. They are aware that a relationship is work. They are aware that nobody, including them, is perfect. And all they want is a friend or a woman, who won’t judge them for being weak sometimes, for being vulnerable, for talking about their fears, for crying, for being mad sometimes, for feeling conflicted, for being bitchy, for feeling unworthy sometimes, for just feeling low energy. All they want is a soulmate, who will listen and understand, who will be open-minded for their deepest ideas, fantasies and dreams.
Sounds very familiar! Because women want exactly the same.
So, what is happening? Both, men and women actually want the same. But a little problem occurs: both, men and women are playing unauthentic roles. Both, men and women are suffering from not finding the right person to talk to, but all we hear is – “he’s not a real man” or “I need a real woman”. And who are we? Aren’t we real?
I believe that if we, women and men, would stop to have certain expectations about each other (I know its a hell of difficult), we could find in each other a complete new, unexpected and infinite beauty. We could find in each other the love and support, we are looking for. We could find in each other true souls to love. We could find in each other uniqueness and truth. We could see in each other how good we are, how helpful, loving and caring we can be.
It’s incredibly sexy and manly if a man can be vulnerable, if he can be honest, if he can be sensitive, if he can admit he is feeling low, if he also can admit he is feeling well, or is in love, or misses you, or is disappointed, if he just lets his feelings flow, if he shows his big heart.
It’s the most manly thing there is – to be just as you are. As you truly are. A man.
This article was originally published on The Marriage Boss.