Do you feel like there is some mathematical equation to talking to women?
Do you feel like you are straight-up invisible in the dating world at times?
Maybe time after time, you feel like you’re getting rejected, and you want to give up even trying.
Well, don’t.
I could write a “simple 10-step process” that will change everything you’ve ever known and have you collecting more numbers than you can handle!
While I am here to give you some confidence-boosting tips, I am not here to sell you a secret formula to change your life overnight.
Think of these tips as the beginning of a fitness journey. You will have a before and after picture that you never imagined was possible.
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Become the prize
One problem you struggle with in the dating market is that you are looking at yourself through the lens of how you view women’s responses to you.
You see a beautiful girl, and you either don’t approach her, or you do, and it does not go well.
After this, the assumptions go through your head about the meaning of this interaction.
Somehow you are not good enough for anyone, unworthy, ugly, or a laundry list of negative associations you’ve made from interactions with one person.
Slow down.
- Remove this person from the pedestal you have placed them on. What makes this person so great that their attraction to you determines your value?
- Instead of thinking about what you are missing out on, think about what opportunity they are missing.
- Get a piece of paper and write down your ten best qualities.
- Visit this list anytime you get down, resulting in your self-esteem feeling low. It is the first step in creating a growth mindset.
Once you consistently engage with these qualities, write down ten more you wished you possessed. You must shift from your focus on being results-oriented and switch to process-oriented.
Hit the pavement and work on self-fulfilling goals and stop working for the acceptance of random people.
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Fix that energy
Have you been around someone that’s low energy, kind of boring, or has nothing interesting to say?
You project negative and weak energy when you are overwhelmed and fraught with a list of issues that harm your self-esteem.
You are not working on yourself “for yourself.”
Slow down
You are working for the acceptance of someone else, which is an issue at the core of this article.
- Create goals and aspirations that you want to achieve to become your best self.
- Get in shape. That doesn’t mean having a six-pack and crushing weights. Create a vision for your healthiest self; physical, mental, and spiritual.
- Fix that posture; stand tall with your chin up.
- Clean up; get your hair, nails, and skin in order, girls notice. Update that wardrobe and follow trends; those camo shorts are dead.
You have to understand the importance of appearance and what it tells. The way you create a story about that “ beautiful girl” across the room is the same way a girl will look at you.
What you project is that you will attract.
Practice
While I build you up in this article, I’ll hit you with the truth. You do not practice talking to women without the intention of “courting.”
The problem is that you view every opportunity as a possible connection rather than a genuine opportunity to practice.
You have to get used to being around feminine energy, and the best way to do it is to embrace any interaction, especially with women you don’t find an attraction to.
Slow down
- Whether it is an extended conversation with your grocer, your local mail delivery woman, or someone walking their dog, strike up a conversation.
- Go out with friends and place yourself in situations that would be a date; if it was not them in the scenario. Get drinks or coffee and practice talking.
- Using this technique takes the pressure off of conversations you will have later. Build the ability to have a casual conversation, even when you are attracted to someone.
You do not have to have prepared lines or conversation pieces with strangers or friends, so why do you load conversations with girls who have your interest?
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Conclusion
I don’t want to come off as naïve and lacking the understanding of what struggles you might be going through.
The truth, however, is that you are often overthinking what it takes to have success in building confidence in the dating market.
You are going to get rejected; it happens to all of us.
You control confidence.
Think about a baby learning to walk. There is no structure to their process. They crawl, try to stand up, and fall on their butt. Over and over again.
Instead of giving up, they build confidence and continue building strength in their legs until they can walk.
You have to build irrational confidence and learn how to walk.
I use this analogy to prove a point. Your confidence is not solely a reflection of your success. It’s about getting back up, adjusting, and building strength over time.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Andrew Wise on Unsplash