3 Mistakes to Avoid Early On- So You Are Not Be Miserable In Your Relationship Later

“I think about you!”, I coyly replied.

This was my response when my girlfriend(now ex) asked me, “What do you do in your ME time?”.

It sounds cringe now but seemed utterly romantic then! Also, it wasn’t a lie. I really did think about her in my “ME” time. I had no life of my own.

No wonder the relationship didn’t survive.

But it left me wiser than ever before.

Here are 3 lessons I learned from my failed relationship that can help you not be miserable in your relationships.

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Not Setting Boundaries

By 1 year into the relationship, I developed some hobbies to have a life of my own.

But till then, the expectations were set for my girlfriend. She was used to having me at her constant beck and call. She resisted the idea of me indulging in “hobbies” and not being there for her.

I should have sat down with her and tried to make her understand that I enjoy having some time off from her and it doesn’t mean that I don’t love or care for her. But I did not.

Instead, I started to find ways to lie to her and do things I wanted to do behind her back. It only added chaos to my life, and she began to distrust me.

If only I would have communicated clearly and assertively, probably the situation could have been resolved.

What you can learn from it:

If you are having a clash of opinions with your partner, try to reach a middle ground. Don’t avoid communication because it is hard. Lying to your partner and doing things behind their back is harder.

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Not Expressing Hurt

The last time your partner/ someone close to you, hurt you, what did you do?

Did you last out at them, or did you express what you were feeling kindly and softly? Or you chose to not tell them at all, and just keep it all inside?

If you are anything like me, you most likely did the last thing. I find it extremely hard to express my hurt.

So instead of expressing my hurt, I keep it all inside. And inevitably, it leads to resentment. Resentment builds over time and chips away at our relationships.

Enemy of love is stifled emotion, not kindly expressed authenticity.- Alain De Botton

Hurt is a part of every relationship. No relationship is all sunshine and rainbows. In fact, your bond grows when you learn to navigate the hardships and disagreements amicably.

What you can learn from it:

Next time you feel hurt by someone close to you, let them know. Relationships die a slow death when you let the bad stuff pile up.

Expressing your hurt is the way to not let resentment kill your relationship.

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Not Resolving Conflicts

My 7-year-long relationship was filled with arguments and drama.

We would fight almost daily. We pushed each other to the brink. After a point, we stopped even talking about the fights. They had become so frequent, that there was no point in talking about them.

But that’s where I was wrong. Overlooking your problems, don’t make them vanish. It actually festers and snowballs into something even bigger.

If we would have had the courage, to sit down and objectively look at our situation, we could have left the relationship sooner, and better.

What you can learn from it:

Don’t overlook fights, just because you can’t deal with them. It’s only temporary peace and later comes back to bite you harder.

I am not suggesting to talk right away. Give it time, until you both cool off. But make sure to talk about the situation and resolve the issue.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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