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What makes a guy hooked on you from Day 1?
In this video, I show you how to communicate in a way that makes him feel special, brings out the most attractive sides of your personality, and show your attraction from a place of confidence. These tools will help you remain high value in his eyes and if done right will even make you irreplaceable.
Let me know the step you’re going to work on in the comments below!
Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:00
don’t be afraid to guide your partner to
00:02
do what they’re already doing in better
00:04
ways what once made us strong can
00:07
actually make us weak if we come to over
00:09
rely on it think of the best concert
00:11
you’ve ever been to it probably didn’t
00:12
end at 2am when you were getting tired
00:15
it ended on a high and we want our dates
00:17
to do the same
00:21
i want to talk about embarrassment
00:24
and sex in relationships i don’t think
00:27
this topic is talked about enough we
00:29
read magazines that tell us how to spice
00:31
up our relationships how to spice up our
00:33
sex life um they give us all sorts of
00:36
weird and wonderful positions to try
00:38
with our partner they tell us how many
00:41
times we should be having sex a day
00:43
and in what ways and what kinky things
00:46
we should be trying
00:48
but very rarely do these articles
00:51
address the fundamental issue
00:54
that most of us
00:56
have gotten into a certain style with
00:59
our partner
01:00
whereby they think they know everything
01:03
about us
01:04
and we think we know everything about
01:06
them
01:07
now what this leads to is a fear of
01:10
embarrassment and rejection if we then
01:13
try something new with our partner and
01:16
the longer we’ve been with our partner
01:18
the more this is true
01:19
i’ve coached people all over the world
01:21
where i’ve given them ways to spice up
01:23
their sex life new things they can do
01:25
and what i’ve found is the biggest
01:28
barrier to them spicing up their sex
01:30
life is not that they don’t have ideas
01:33
it’s not that they don’t have things
01:34
they’d like to do the biggest problem is
01:37
that they’re afraid of how their partner
01:40
is going to react to them bringing out a
01:42
different side of themselves
01:45
so we become very self-conscious uh and
01:48
i actually think the
01:50
i mean i i think it’s terrifying
01:53
that most people would feel more
01:55
comfortable
01:56
doing weird and crazy stuff with someone
01:59
they barely know
02:00
than with the person they love
02:02
i think it speaks volumes
02:05
because
02:06
with the person we love and are
02:08
comfortable with
02:10
that comfort is misleading because we
02:12
say well if i’m so comfortable with
02:13
someone i’m able to express my sexual
02:15
desires with them but actually sometimes
02:17
the reverse is true
02:19
if i’m really comfortable with someone
02:21
what it can imply is that we feel like
02:24
we already know what the other person is
02:26
about sexually so if they now come to us
02:28
with a different sexual energy or
02:30
wanting to try a different thing that we
02:31
never even knew they were into
02:34
it might surprise us it might shock us
02:36
it might make us feel we know that
02:39
person a little less than we thought we
02:42
did i’m going to assume right now that
02:45
like me
02:46
and everyone else in the world you are
02:48
weird you have your own weird stuff that
02:52
you enjoy or that you might enjoy or
02:55
that you want to try and in your inner
02:58
world
02:59
isn’t being fully expressed with your
03:01
partner right now
03:03
and perhaps the same is true of them
03:06
so what i want to talk about is how to
03:09
actually
03:10
create the open dialogue about these
03:12
things
03:13
so one early way to set the stage for
03:16
this is to ask your partner if there’s
03:19
anything sexually that they want to do
03:21
with you that you either don’t do enough
03:24
or at all
03:25
tell them to be completely open because
03:28
it would be fun for you to know what
03:30
else they want
03:31
see part of our fear in listening to our
03:33
partner in these ways is that we’re
03:35
worried we’re going to hear something we
03:36
don’t want to hear perhaps there’s
03:38
something they’ve wanted and we’ve never
03:40
done or that we’re not doing it in the
03:42
right way or the way they want it can
03:44
feel like a form of criticism but paying
03:46
attention to what your partner says can
03:49
literally save your relationship
03:52
now the next step is being honest about
03:55
what you would like
03:56
so don’t frame it as negative
03:59
just frame it as like and i mean
04:01
negative in the sense that you don’t
04:03
want to frame it as criticism of what
04:04
your partner is doing right now or not
04:06
doing right now you just want to talk
04:09
about it as something exciting that you
04:11
want to try with him
04:13
it helps to talk about
04:15
why doing this thing would be sexy with
04:18
them in particular in other words you
04:21
don’t necessarily want to frame it like
04:22
oh i just want to try this frame it as i
04:25
really want to try this with you
04:28
it’s being with you that makes me want
04:30
to try this thing that way they get to
04:32
feel special in the process don’t be
04:34
afraid to be brave and take the lead by
04:36
doing something different or kinky or
04:39
slightly out there what you do when you
04:41
do this is give your partner permission
04:44
to do the same without being
04:46
self-conscious that he’ll be judged for
04:48
it you giving him new ideas or taking
04:51
the lead at times gives him permission
04:54
to try new things and be more
04:55
adventurous as well
04:57
now the key here is to understand that
04:59
there is a teething process to any
05:02
change in dynamic in a relationship
05:04
so your partner you might try and do
05:06
something with your partner and they may
05:08
not have the ideal reaction they may be
05:10
surprised they may look at you funny
05:13
they may say you’ve changed
05:15
who are you who is this person i don’t
05:16
know this person even though maybe that
05:18
was you all along but you just were
05:20
afraid to express it what they really
05:21
mean is i’ve never seen this side of you
05:23
before and it scares me because it makes
05:26
me feel like there are things about you
05:27
i don’t know you know in another episode
05:29
of love life i talked about how you know
05:31
your man could be on the phone on a
05:32
business call and you decide that this
05:36
is a great time to go down on him right
05:39
and when as i was saying that i was
05:40
thinking you know what
05:42
some people might be afraid that they’re
05:43
going to get rejected in that moment
05:45
that that their partner might freak out
05:47
or might be like oh what what are you
05:49
doing this isn’t you you didn’t you
05:50
wouldn’t normally do something like this
05:52
and when our partner has a
05:54
a reaction to it even if it’s just
05:56
surprised sometimes it can feel like a
05:58
rejection
06:00
now what we have to be careful of is not
06:01
sulking if we get the wrong with the
06:03
wrong reaction
06:04
don’t go into sulk mode in that moment
06:08
but what you can do is later on come to
06:10
them in a neutral place and say look i
06:13
really want us to to to do more
06:15
spontaneous things or i really want us
06:16
to try and ex like explore each other’s
06:19
fantasies more and the little things
06:21
that we want um because i
06:24
i feel like
06:26
that’s you know our relationship is so
06:28
amazing and we’re so turned on by each
06:30
other already and i want to explore all
06:33
of your fantasies and i want you know i
06:35
want to tell you all of mine like i i
06:37
just you bring that out of me you make
06:39
me want to do these things um
06:42
that’s
06:43
that’s going to create this open
06:44
dialogue between you consistently be
06:47
talking don’t be afraid to talk about
06:48
sex i really believe that nothing should
06:51
be considered embarrassing between two
06:54
people who love each other the more you
06:56
talk about sex and the more you explore
06:57
each other’s minds the easier it gets
07:00
use phrases like i want to make your
07:02
fantasies come true what are the little
07:05
and big things that you want to do more
07:07
of
07:08
and it helps to ask the question in
07:09
broad ways like what are the types of
07:12
things you want us to do more of because
07:14
if you ask someone what’s the specific
07:15
thing you want to do
07:17
they may blank in that moment
07:19
or you might immediately have to see
07:21
watch them censor themselves never
07:23
underestimate how much we censor our own
07:26
little weird fetishes and things that we
07:28
want to do even when we think we’re
07:30
being honest with our partner very often
07:32
we’re still censoring parts of us that
07:34
we’re afraid we’ll be shamed for if we
07:36
actually talk about them so just ask him
07:39
you know what what are some of the types
07:40
of things that you really want to do
07:42
more of in the bedroom
07:43
he’s that’s going to be so refreshing
07:45
for him
07:46
to hear that and to hear that you’re
07:49
you’re trying to explore his mind lastly
07:52
don’t be afraid to guide your partner
07:55
to do what they’re already doing in
07:57
better ways i i think the biggest
07:59
tragedy is when we don’t tell our
08:01
partner how to do what they’re doing
08:03
better
08:04
um and of course there’s a way to do
08:06
that that’s not going to hurt someone’s
08:08
feelings but even then i’d still like
08:10
for me personally
08:12
if you tell me how to do something
08:14
better now
08:16
maybe in the moment i’ll be like oh that
08:18
sucks i didn’t know i was doing it wrong
08:20
right but you give me
08:23
whatever damage you do to my ego in the
08:25
moment
08:26
you feed my ego for a lifetime by
08:30
telling me how to pleasure you more and
08:32
me being able to see that reaction that
08:33
i’m getting so always
08:35
if you’re trying to save someone’s ego
08:37
in the short term remember you’re
08:38
probably damaging it in the long term by
08:41
him not seeing how much he’s pleasing
08:43
you or or not having that wonderful
08:45
satisfaction of knowing that he’s
08:47
pleasing you over the long term because
08:48
we always know subconsciously when we’re
08:50
not pleasing our partner we feel it i’ll
08:53
finish on this note i think
08:55
i i truly believe that sex is about
08:58
teamwork
08:59
it’s about two people who believe that
09:02
their job in a relationship is to
09:04
explore each other’s needs and to cater
09:06
to each other’s desires whatever you
09:08
know weird and wonderful
09:10
desires they are and you know
09:13
if those stray outside the concept of
09:15
monogamy we’ll save that for another
09:16
episode but you know within the confines
09:19
of of a monogamous relationship i i
09:22
think everything should be on the table
09:24
i think people should explore each other
09:25
and they shouldn’t be afraid to talk
09:27
about what they want or to to go out of
09:29
their way to please their partner we
09:31
would want the same done for us
09:33
so
09:34
the the importance of this episode i
09:36
believe can’t be overstated because
09:39
it’s this will save relationships
09:42
never we must never underestimate the
09:44
number of relationships that fail
09:46
because of unexpressed
09:48
uh or uncatered for sexual needs and
09:51
desires
09:57
well jameson and i were just filming a
10:00
welcome video for all of the attendees
10:03
of our virtual retreat which is our
10:07
big
10:08
annual
10:09
flagship event that’s about life
10:11
transformation not people’s love lives
10:14
people’s entire lives if by the way you
10:17
don’t know about it or you haven’t got
10:19
your ticket yet and you want me to coach
10:21
you through immersion for three days in
10:23
every part of your life i’ll leave a
10:25
link here go check it out but whilst we
10:28
were recording those videos
10:31
we had an idea for a video that we could
10:33
make that was tied into that because
10:34
that’s where my head’s at right now is
10:36
not dating advice but bigger life advice
10:39
i truly believe
10:41
that the concept i’m about to give you
10:43
is one of the master keys to living an
10:47
extraordinary life and
10:49
having extraordinary impact in life
10:52
whether it’s the impact of attraction
10:54
getting someone attracted to us or
10:56
whether it’s the impact of making a
10:59
difference in the world or building
11:01
something but let me take you through
11:03
this in life
11:04
there are things that early on we got
11:07
good at or things that we got rewarded
11:09
for for some of us it’s our ambition for
11:11
some of us it’s an early age we made
11:13
more money than our peers for some of us
11:16
it’s that we made people laugh
11:18
more than other people did we were
11:20
funnier than other people whatever it
11:22
was
11:23
that we got rewarded for early
11:26
that validation made us want to do that
11:29
thing more
11:30
it became almost an addiction and it
11:33
might have even been a positive
11:34
addiction you know if you get addicted
11:36
to achieving because people give you a
11:38
lot of reward for it then you can go on
11:40
to achieve some very big things the
11:42
problem is that the areas of life where
11:45
we get
11:46
validation
11:48
can easily
11:49
become our mutations
11:52
i want you to write this down i’m going
11:53
to this is going to be like a mini
11:55
seminar right now in this video it’s not
11:58
going to be like my typical blog video
11:59
where i sit on a sofa and speak
12:02
so
12:03
our validations
12:06
can become
12:10
our mutations
12:13
our validations
12:14
become our mutations
12:17
meaning
12:18
when we get comfortable being rewarded
12:21
for a certain thing in our life we keep
12:23
doing that thing it doesn’t mean doing
12:25
that thing is easy if you get validated
12:28
for being a high achiever it doesn’t
12:30
mean continuing to be a high achiever is
12:32
easy it just means
12:33
we get real comfortable there getting
12:36
our validation
12:37
and these mutations then create
12:40
distortions in our personality where all
12:43
of a sudden our entire identity can be
12:46
built around one thing
12:48
now what’s the problem with that when
12:49
your identity is heavily rooted in one
12:52
thing
12:53
that can now become our weakness
12:56
christopher hitchens said when talking
12:58
about relationships he said the the
13:01
skill of relationships is not allowing
13:04
your strengths to negate themselves
13:07
meaning what once made us strong can
13:09
actually make us weak if we come to over
13:11
rely on it what happens to the person
13:13
who spends all day in the gym and that’s
13:15
how they get their validation and then
13:17
they get injured
13:18
if they don’t develop identity in other
13:21
areas that can now be the death of their
13:23
identity and therefore the death of
13:25
their confidence their happiness and
13:27
their sense of internal security the
13:30
solution
13:32
to these mutations
13:38
is to develop other areas
13:41
whether they’re external parts of our
13:43
life or their other parts of our
13:46
personality
13:47
so that
13:49
we can create
13:51
unique
13:52
pairings
13:55
now let me explain what unique pairings
13:57
are unique pairings are fascinating a
14:00
unique pairing is when you find two
14:02
different things two different
14:03
personality traits or interests
14:07
in the same person
14:09
that you don’t normally find in the same
14:11
person when we meet someone who’s sexy
14:15
but they can also be goofy and silly
14:19
that’s a unique pairing when we meet
14:21
someone who
14:23
takes care of their body
14:24
and presents themselves really well
14:26
they’re well groomed and they look great
14:29
but they’re also intellectual and they
14:32
care about deeper pursuits
14:34
that’s a unique pairing when we meet
14:36
someone who’s a hard worker
14:39
but they can also go out there and play
14:41
and have adventures and be spontaneous
14:43
that’s a unique pairing we see these
14:45
unique pairings in all different people
14:47
and if you think about certain friends
14:48
of yours or someone you’re in love with
14:51
or certain family members that you adore
14:54
i guarantee you’ll be able to find
14:57
unique pairings that make you really
15:00
adore that person one great quality can
15:02
attract someone it can get someone’s
15:04
attention if you’re super sexy you can
15:05
get someone’s attention if you’re super
15:07
successful you can get someone’s
15:08
attention if you’re very funny you can
15:10
get someone’s attention
15:12
but that’s not what holds someone one
15:14
quality doesn’t hold someone
15:16
what holds someone are unique pairings
15:19
let’s think of this on a meta level once
15:20
upon a time you watched me because i
15:22
made a dating video right maybe five
15:25
years ago ten years ago or maybe last
15:27
week
15:28
maybe five minutes ago you were watching
15:30
me in a different video where you go oh
15:32
man this guy’s got great dating advice
15:34
and then you come to this video and you
15:36
see this and you’re like holy
15:39
there’s now is now he’s going to this
15:41
beat now he could talk about this now
15:44
you see unique pairing that’s what holds
15:46
someone i could only hold you for so
15:48
long by giving you a flirting tip but
15:49
now you realize i could talk about this
15:51
as well all right now i’m watching next
15:52
week’s video when people see that we’re
15:54
constantly developing constantly
15:56
evolving constantly developing more
15:58
pairings
15:59
we become this irreplaceable force in
16:01
their life we become someone that
16:04
it’s a i don’t want to use the word
16:06
addiction in this context but we become
16:07
someone that they say man i can’t give
16:09
this person up i gotta keep going on the
16:10
journey so it’s these unique pairings
16:13
that make us an unbelievable package to
16:16
someone else an irreplaceable package to
16:18
somebody else they are the key to people
16:21
falling in love they’re also the keys to
16:23
people maintaining the passion when
16:25
they’ve been in love for a long time but
16:28
on an internal level unique pairings
16:30
also make us impervious
16:32
to things going wrong in our lives they
16:35
are the ultimate defense to change to
16:38
not being able to do the same things you
16:39
used to do to parts of your life going
16:42
wrong being taken away when you have
16:44
unique pairings you become invincible
16:47
because you’ve always got legs under the
16:50
table that can support you if one leg
16:53
breaks
16:54
you know all of a sudden you get injured
16:56
and you can’t work out that was a source
16:58
of your confidence doesn’t matter
16:59
because you have all these unique
17:01
pairings you’re into this and that and
17:02
the other and this thing gives you
17:04
purpose and this thing gives you
17:05
confidence and this is a part of you you
17:07
really value
17:08
all of a sudden you’ve got legs under
17:09
the table
17:11
that can support you someone decides
17:12
they don’t want to be with you anymore
17:14
in a relationship you’ve got all these
17:16
other legs under the table that support
17:17
you you’re not just one thing you’re not
17:19
a one-trick pony in life your value
17:21
isn’t your relationship and that’s true
17:24
of our personality too you can have a
17:25
part of your personality
17:27
that you know maybe you came to rely on
17:30
you know you what’s what happens to a
17:33
lot of comedians right they feel like
17:35
i’ll be funny all the time because
17:36
that’s where my value is but all of a
17:38
sudden if your whole value doesn’t come
17:39
from one thing if it comes from the
17:41
books you’ve read if it comes from the
17:43
energy you bring to a room in a
17:45
different way if it comes from the
17:46
kindness that you bring if it comes from
17:48
the work that you’re doing with people
17:49
if it whatever it may be all of a sudden
17:51
you don’t feel like you have to be funny
17:52
at the dinner table even if that’s how
17:54
you make a living
17:56
because there are other legs under the
17:57
table
17:58
this is the ma guys i’m telling you
18:01
this is the master key
18:03
one of them i think there are only like
18:06
four or five things in life if you
18:07
really boil it down there’s like four or
18:10
five things in life that if you know
18:11
those
18:12
life gets a lot easier a lot better you
18:15
can create an extraordinary life on like
18:17
five truths this is one of them this is
18:20
one of the master keys to living an
18:21
extraordinary life
18:24
and if you’re watching this and you’re
18:25
like man i need to create more unique
18:27
pairings for myself i want to start
18:29
living a bigger life i want to start
18:31
writing a different story for myself
18:33
than the one that i’ve been writing all
18:35
along the one that’s comfortable the one
18:37
that’s become my mutation then we’re
18:39
going to be doing that on the virtual
18:40
retreat together i’m literally going to
18:42
give you a blueprint for doing this and
18:44
we’re going to spend three days of
18:46
coaching immersion working through
18:48
everything in your life to create an
18:51
amazing story because that’s what we all
18:53
want to do isn’t it
18:54
ultimately we all have different goals
18:55
here everyone watching this video has
18:57
something different they want but
18:58
they’re all versions of the same thing
19:01
because whether it’s you’re looking for
19:02
a relationship right now or more
19:04
financial freedom or a better body or a
19:07
change in your life because you’re bored
19:08
of what you’re doing or you’re looking
19:09
for more internal confidence or
19:11
happiness we’re all looking for the same
19:12
thing
19:13
we want a great story
19:15
we want to be able to tell a great story
19:17
at the end of our lives of what that
19:19
life meant of what we did with it of the
19:21
impact we made and
19:23
we want to enjoy
19:25
the story
19:26
because when this story is not going to
19:28
last forever
19:29
right this story is
19:30
is tragically short
19:33
and we want to make the most of it while
19:34
we have it
19:41
every single one of us wants to make an
19:43
impact when we’re on a date so here are
19:46
five simple things that you can do to
19:49
stay in his mind long after you’ve said
19:52
good night number one give him an early
19:55
compliment i know so many guys and i’ve
19:57
been in this position before too where
19:59
you get to the end of a date and you
20:00
don’t even necessarily know if someone’s
20:02
actually attracted to you and that’s
20:04
because you go on a date and two people
20:05
are playing this poker game where
20:06
neither one of them wants to reveal
20:08
their hand we want to break that
20:11
nonsense it’s not like you have to start
20:12
over investing on a date but we should
20:14
show someone that we’re attracted so
20:16
early on in the day tell him you like
20:18
his shirt or something you were
20:19
attracted to in his profile picture when
20:21
you saw him on the app give him
20:23
something that shows that you are
20:24
attracted because that way it opens up
20:26
the date to more possibilities it makes
20:28
everyone feel more comfortable it makes
20:30
it more likely he’ll show his interest
20:32
in you and at the end of the date he
20:35
will not be questioning whether there’s
20:36
a spark number two be friendly to the
20:39
people around you when a guy on a date
20:41
sees you being nice to people that you
20:43
don’t need to be nice to it shows your
20:45
true character so whether it’s being
20:47
nice to the person serving you or
20:49
whether there’s a woman next to you at
20:51
the bar who has to shuffle over so that
20:53
you two can sit down and you say to her
20:55
i love your jacket by the way or you
20:57
have great style it shows him your warm
21:00
nature it also has the added bonus that
21:03
when you interact with someone else for
21:04
a few seconds
21:06
he gets to observe you without the
21:08
pressure of interacting with you and
21:11
it’s in the moment where we get to
21:12
observe someone that we start to really
21:15
build attraction because we’re not in
21:17
our heads thinking of things to say we
21:19
just get to fully take them in number
21:21
three don’t be afraid of the date
21:24
interlude now look it’s nice when a guy
21:26
has a plan for a date and you don’t
21:28
necessarily want to disrupt the plans
21:30
that he’s got but if you happen to be
21:32
doing something where nearby is
21:35
something you want to do don’t be afraid
21:37
to say it it can be playful it can be
21:39
fun it can actually show confidence for
21:41
you to state something that you’re
21:42
interested in doing it could be a walk
21:44
in the daytime where all of a sudden you
21:46
realize that you’re really near to a
21:47
coffee shop you love and you say okay
21:49
wait we have to get coffee here this
21:51
place does amazing coffee the great
21:52
thing for him is that this is a pressure
21:54
valve not only does he realize he’s not
21:56
solely responsible for creating a great
21:59
time together it also removes some of
22:01
the guesswork of figuring out what you’d
22:03
like to do number four order the
22:07
chocolate cake i always think of that
22:09
moment at dinner where the dessert menu
22:11
comes up and everyone’s really polite
22:13
and is like do you want dessert
22:15
should we get dessert i love when
22:17
someone’s just like
22:19
we should share the chocolate cake
22:22
shouldn’t we because in that moment you
22:24
know what to do so in whatever form it
22:26
takes on your date say yes to the
22:29
metaphorical chocolate cake it will give
22:32
him permission to let go and have fun
22:33
too number five defer the night cap now
22:37
i know the temptation when a date is
22:39
going well is to drag it out as long as
22:42
possible because you’re enjoying being
22:43
with that person but that’s not always
22:46
productive think of the best concert
22:47
you’ve ever been to it probably didn’t
22:49
end at 2am when you were getting tired
22:51
it ended on a high and we want our dates
22:54
to do the same so when someone says to
22:56
you after you’ve already had a great
22:57
time hey you want to get like one more
22:59
drink over here don’t be afraid to be
23:01
like you know what it’s 11 o’clock it’s
23:03
getting a little late i’m gonna get to
23:04
bed but we should do something tomorrow
23:06
or sometime this week what i like about
23:08
deferring the night cap is it almost
23:11
gives you a license to see the person
23:14
sooner i’d rather cut this date a little
23:16
short on a first date and see them
23:19
tomorrow than have a really long
23:21
protracted date now and not see someone
23:24
or feel like i’m not entitled to ask
23:25
them to see them for five more days so
23:27
there it is five things you can do to be
23:30
memorable on a first date i really want
23:32
you to check out this next video i
23:33
believe it’s gonna help you a lot click
23:36
here the chase the part where we were
23:38
trying to get each other was really
23:41
exciting
23:42
and now we have each other
23:45
how do we continue that excitement now
23:47
that we have each other
—
This post was previously published on YouTube.
***
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