Scroll through social media and you will see people changing their relationship status on Facebook to “taken” and pictures of couples honeymooning in Cabo. What you fail to see are the nights spent fighting about the bed covers, endless battles over the remote, and wars that occur over conflicting schedules.
Relationships are, quite frankly, unrealistic, because you are told to follow a mold of finding your soulmate, getting married, and then having kids. It is not that simple, nor is it the best option for many people in my opinion.
To break the single-person cycle of believing we have to fulfill the white picket fence and our kid’s playing soccer dream, we have to create our positive mantras. Often while partner-less, we stumble into a cycle of loneliness that makes us believe we need someone to fill the void.
In reality, we need a mantra to shake us out of our doubts and point us toward embracing limitless freedom. In particular, there are three great mantras that can allow us to embrace our independence while single.
“Because I Can”
The beautiful part about being unattached is that we do not have to think of someone else constantly. If you were in a partnership, there would be a consistent worry about the other person’s schedule. However, when you are single, the only conflicts you have to manage are whether you want to work out or eat first.
There are opportunities to travel the world or visit friends and family any time we desire. Why should I travel to Italy? “Because I can.” Why should I get that massage? “Because I can.” Being single means soaking up every ounce of life and taking advantage of every opportunity “because I can.”
This mantra also applies to meeting other people while single. When you are in a relationship, it is easy to unintentionally spend all of your time with your significant other. As a single person, you can go out and instead of just talking to your one person at the bar or party, you can hang out with whomever you want.
We are able to cultivate new friendships “because we can,” and there are no limitations on how we might interact with other people.
“Not My Problem”
When you are single, it is natural to seek out a relationship and interact with new people. You can go on dates and experience life in its brightest colors. Unfortunately, you may find the date is a one-time occurrence. It could be the person starts bringing up experiences related to their divorce or past relationships. Perhaps they start unloading their family drama on you.
The wonderful part about being single is we can say “not my problem” to these types of interactions. We are not paid to be someone’s therapist, and when we are single, we have the freedom to choose who we let into our lives.
Another way to use this mantra is when dealing with holidays like Valentine’s Day. When February rolls around, you start to see commercials advertising glittering diamonds or decadent chocolates with couples oozing love as they stare into each other’s eyes. When we are single, we can feel the pressure to find someone by Valentine’s Day to avoid sitting by ourselves on our couch at night.
Free yourself from these expectations by saying “not my problem” to society’s belief you cannot be happy and single on this holiday. Realize these companies and movies are imploring you to buy their product, not love. Enjoy saving money rather than spending it on a kitschy Hallmark card for someone else!
Life is comparable to a first date. The experience can be incredible, or you could be trying to crawl out of the bathroom window of the restaurant. This especially applies to when you are single because the extreme joy of being in full control of your life is paired with the deep lows of sadness when you are alone at night.
You might get stood up on a date, or the thrill you had on a first date may have fizzled out later on. Perhaps you are still looking for love in your 40s, or you lost your first partner and are trying to date again.
We will never be entirely sure of how a relationship or life turns out. We can make as many plans as we want, but there will always be unexpected factors. Instead of worrying about uncontrollable events, we should focus on ourselves and things we can control. When we say “that’s life,” we acknowledge the inevitable and let go of our troubles. By freeing ourselves, we become empowered to focus on objectives, such as meeting new people and spending our money the way we want to while single.
How do I make my own mantra?
Mantras are important because they break the cycle of negativity and worry that we go through when partner-less. It causes us to focus our life goals and objectives, like a business slogan or mission statement.
To find your own, you can journal for 30 days, see if any statements continually pop up in your writing, and turn this into a mantra. In addition, you could ask those closest to you if there is a statement or phrase you say a lot and make that your mantra. Finding a personal mantra while single can assist us in becoming more confident.
Before we are comfortable with anyone else, we should be at ease with ourselves. When two people come together, each forming half of the relationship, if one half is weaker, it becomes a lopsided whole.
It can feel difficult to work on self-improvement and use our time, money, and energy for that purpose, but it is important because even if we are not single now, there is some chance we will be in the future. If the only thing we do while single is “be on the hunt” for a future spouse, we will never learn how to be the best version of ourselves.
Enjoy the independence that comes with being single and use mantras to liberate yourself from the belief that you only fulfill your purpose in a relationship. Be single “because I can,” society’s expectations are “not my problem,” and “that’s the life” I want to live.
What are your mantras?
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Photo Credit: @priscilladupreez on Unsplash