How a man handles a crying woman can make or break a relationship. Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt gets vulnerable…
Thursday night I asked the men something I’d never asked them before. Would they like to be coached LIVE on how to support a crying woman… me.
I had a really disheartening day and was in shock most of the afternoon. By the evening on my men’s group coaching call, I was starting to let myself feel. As an Intimacy Expert I’m all about vulnerability, honesty and connection, yet there’s a fine line between being the Coach in charge and being the potentially unprofessional crying mess.
I took a risk and it turned out better than I could imagine. The bond we share is deep. Men reveal to the group things they can’t tell their regular friends or family. There is a safety zone of total non judgment on the call so they really can’t ‘fail’ because I love them unconditionally no matter what.
Each man took me through a phase of my emotions dealing with me crying, pissed off, uncontrollably sobbing, calming down and asking for what I needed. In their bones they now know how to navigate through their hesitancy and discomfort and be present with my pain. Now they know how to stay with me, grounded and effectively supportive ‘in the fire’ with my unpredictable emotions. This raw intense experience revealed 3 things NOT to do when I was crying… and in the video I added a 4th.
1. Don’t make a joke. If she’s really upset, it most likely will piss her off more creating separation, not connection and healing.
2. Don’t tell her it’s going to be OK. Or that it’s going to be OK. Or even that you love us trying to get us to avoid, pass over or invalidate our feelings.
3. Don’t hold her. Or put her head on your shoulder. It feels smothering, suffocating even placating. She’ll dissolve into mush when she’s ready.
4. Don’t fix her. This is really a reiteration of #1-#3… just stay present, no trying to change how she feels, acknowledge the validity of her feelings, ask her to tell you more, ask her what she needs.
Within 24 hrs after the call several men emailed me saying what a profound experience that was to be THERE, wobbly, find their groove and really BE a contribution to me. Every woman I know yearns for the safety to be herself, in her vulnerable authentic emotions and be loved, not fixed and able to process through to peace and freedom. These men got a taste of SUCCESS with intensity… creating confidence in the moment and moving forward with women.
“The power and the rawness of last night’s call really sank in for me today…an intense learning situation… WOW… thank you for letting us in. Your YES calls are AMAZING!!! Your LOVE , CARE and HEART …. Allana you shine and help us to grow and shine too. Deep thanks.”
When a man can sit in the fire with you and not shrink back, a woman’s heart opens to devotion. When a man doesn’t judge you for being an ocean of emotions, and in fact is moved by the depth of our feelings… it makes us feel so seen that we exhale all the way ‘home’ inside. It’s Ying meeting Yang. Divine Communion.
I share more about how to BE and HAVE this in your relationship in my complementary report and video series www.GetHerToSayYes.com. Thank you noble badass men in my men’s group. Thank you for being there for me, for experiencing in the cells of your Soul… how truly magnificent you are… just being YOU.
Photo: www.Flickr.com Catwoman