
Habits are amazing. According to research, most of the things we do and how we do them are dependent on all the habits we have developed in our lives. This also means that if we develop bad habits, the things we do (that is influenced by the habit) and how we do them will be naturally negative as well.
Sometimes, it’s accidental — and other times, we start forming habits because we think they are good (either through peer pressure or pop culture) — but they are actually not. The negative results of these bad habits (in disguise) are slow. They don’t take major effect until you are so entangled in them, you can’t seem to stop.
I don’t know about you, but that scares me to the bones
I can’t pretend to know all of them, as I could be doing some of these masked habits myself without even knowing it. But what I can do is shed light on some of the most common ones — and in doing so, help you out as much as I can.
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1. Hiding Your True Feelings In An Attempt To Appear More In Control
I have written an article in the past stating how dangerous this can get. The problem with doing this…. — I think it would be better if I explain using an analogy.
Hiding your feelings is not a grenade. It’s a timed bomb. You didn’t stop it, you just tapped snooze. It will come back to haunt you sooner or later.
I borrowed that analogy from one of my previous articles — so I hope you don’t mind me repeating it if you have read my work before.
2. Taking Independence To An Extreme High
We were all babies at one point in our lives. Completely at the mercy of everybody around. We needed everything to be done for us. That continued to happen for some years — some more than others — and then something special happens.
We grew up a little bit
We started being more independent and that is a very natural and healthy development. Then something special happens again.
We become adults
A couple of teen drama and puberty aside, we are now fully formed adults thinking that we need to do everything for ourselves. As an adult, being too dependent or independent is very bad. We need to find that balance — that sweet spot. The way I find this is simple — try doing it yourself and if you find it too hard, ask for some assistance — there is nothing wrong with that — it’s called healthy dependence.
3. Trying To Control Literally Everything
This one is pretty self-explanatory so I’ll just leave you with two important things. First, this quote…
“If it was meant to be controlled, it would come with a remote” — Modified from the internet
And secondly, remember this. Trying to control things is good and all. We all need order in our lives and control achieves that. It becomes a problem when you become a control freak and start controlling people— if that makes any sense.
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It is especially bad when you are trying to control your friends, family, or romantic partner. It will only lead to more chaos!
All the points I have spoken about in this article are all very common and they’re easily misunderstood as good. They are inherently okay — but they become a problem when they’re done in the wrong way. I hope they helped you even just a little bit.
I snuck in a last little pointer for ya: Don’t be a people pleaser. Being an overall nice person to people is awesome — but doing it at your own expense isn’t. Thanks for reading!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: iStock
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism
Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box
The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer
