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Transcript provided by YouTube. Slightly edited with AI.
Are They Avoidant or Just Taking Things Slow?
So, I recently had someone ask me how do you tell the difference between someone who is avoidant and is never going to want a relationship and someone who is just taking things slow with you?
She described the last couple of situations she had where she met guys in the beginning. They stated that they were interested in finding a relationship, but then two months later, after she’d already become emotionally invested, they suddenly had a turnaround and said, actually, I’m not emotionally ready for a relationship or my life isn’t logistically in a place where I can have a relationship.
What she was asking is, is there a way to figure out sooner whether someone is just avoidant without wasting my time and getting emotionally invested in the process? To her, and to you if you relate to this, I have three principles that can serve you in not wasting your time. Before we get into the video and these three principles, don’t forget to like the video, subscribe to this channel, and hit the notification bell so that the next time I make a video, you find out first.
Their Definition of “Looking for a Relationship”
The first principle is that not everyone who says they’re looking for a relationship is saying the same thing. It’s a bit like people who say they’re looking to move. When they want to move house, some people mean we need to move in the next month, and when they go to a real estate agent, they are on the hunt for their next house. There are other people who say we’re looking to move, who mean in the next few years, and for that person, real estate agents know they can be a giant waste of time.
When some people meet someone they like, and hear someone say, yeah, I’d like a relationship, what they hear is, oh, I can now relax because that person says that what they’re looking for is the same thing as what I’m looking for. But we can never assume that them saying they want a relationship means they have the same intentionality about it that we do or that they’re on the same timeframe as we are.
Are They Being SELECTIVELY Slow?
The second principle is to ask yourself honestly: are they being selectively slow? In other words, when someone is going slow, you have to say to yourself, are they going slow in every department or just the one that suits them? If they’re quite happy to be very sexual, very intense, emotionally affectionate, and say grandiose things, but the only area they’re really taking it slow is in the department of saying they don’t want to sleep with other people, then there’s a disconnect between what they’re saying and what they’re actually doing.
You have to ask yourself honestly why am I investing so much of my psychological focus in this person? Why am I not still exploring my other options? Look for intentionality – someone who is genuinely looking for a relationship, asking the right questions, and progressing with you consistently.
You Get to Decide If Someone Wastes Your Time
Principle number three: you get to decide if someone wastes your time. A lot of the time, we behave like a very passive player, concerned that someone else is going to waste our time. If someone outright lies to us, fine, they wasted our time. But many situations are about us being complicit in wasting our time.
We get to decide what we want to do. If we keep our options open without becoming fixated on a person before they’ve earned it, we won’t be resentful that someone wasted our time. It’s about being clear about what we want and not hanging around for someone who’s not clear about wanting the same thing.
Creating Consistency and Progress
In this video, I said that two words are crucial in early dating: consistency and progress. If you want to know how to create both of those things with someone you’ve met and want to go further with, I have something for you – the Momentum Texts. It’s a practical program showing you what to do and say at different junctures to take the relationship down a serious road.
It’s easy to use, and for just seven dollars, it’s a simple decision to make. Join us at momentumtexts.com and grab your copy. As always, I will see you in the next video. Thanks for watching.
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
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