I once wrote that three words ended my marriage. They were a recurring theme in my relationship. I would express a concern to my husband. He would reply consistently.
I don’t care.
He didn’t.
It took me years to believe him.
I convinced myself that it meant something else. I told myself he was tougher than me. I saw it as an attribute. I was a worrier. He must be stronger than me.
I admired him.
I didn’t want to care.
I certainly didn’t want to care as much as I did.
I cared about everything and everyone. If I thought someone was suffering from a bruise, or a bump I wanted to be there for them. I absorbed the pain of others.
It took being a mother to fully understand who I was.
My middle son is like me.
He couldn’t stand to hear, or see human suffering. None of my children could. But my son, like me, couldn’t let go of it. He would carry it with him. He didn’t care.
He cared too much.
I would put him to bed at night.
“Mommy,” he would say. “I’m going to help so and so.”
Or…
“Mommy,” he would say. “I’m praying for so and so.”
I began to realize it wasn’t just a worrying gene. It was caring. It was caring too much. It was the inability to be happy unless everyone around you was happy.
It was a need to make things right.
My husband was the opposite.
He didn’t care if things were right. He cared if he liked the way things were. He didn’t care if I was scared, worried, sad, stressed, or happy. He cared if he was.
The more I pleaded with him to acknowledge my feelings…
The more he replied with his signature response.
“I don’t care.”
I have spent the past year dating.
It was a shock to meet a man who cared. A man who actually cared. He didn’t just care about whether I was scared, worried, sad, stressed, or happy.
He cared about other things.
Run of the mill things.
He cared if I was tired, hungry, or everyday things.
It was weird.
He cared.
Two words. Two words that restored love to dating. Not in love. Not crazy love. Not I can’t live without you love. Just being loving. Just being kind. Just being caring.
Three words ended my marriage.
“I don’t care.”
Two words restored love to dating.
“I care.”
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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