I decided to become appealing to others, and it was the best decision I ever made.
I didn’t need to be good-looking but learned how to impress people with my actions instead.
They opened up to me when I began to be deliberate in how I conduct myself. I am brief and to the point. I listen to what other people are saying. I tune in and open my body language. I laugh at the right moments and make light of awkward situations.
But all the advice in the world doesn’t matter if, in reality, it only takes less than a second for the brain to decide whether we’re trustworthy or not.
You read that right — less than a second.
By this point, you’re probably thinking that’s too intimidating. Meeting other people is already difficult. Imagine getting them to like you in the blink of an eye.
The pressure is off the charts.
Fortunately, it isn’t helpless yet. One way or another, getting someone to like you is an advantage you’ll have to work hard to get.
So, how do you bypass the brain and become more appealing to others? You must learn how to game your behaviors.
Below, I’ve rounded up some of the most useful psychological hacks to do just that.
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Say Their Name
Dale Carnegie once said, “A person’s name is to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language.”
He isn’t wrong.
In a 2006 study using fMRI technologies, researchers studied the brain activation patterns of individuals in response to hearing one’s own first name versus hearing other people’s names.
Their findings showed that there is a unique brain activation when someone hears their own name.
Hearing your own name causes your brain to react as if you’re engaging in behaviors and thought patterns that serve as some of your core identity and personality markers.
In short, people like it when you address them by their names. And for such a low-effort gesture, the payoff is huge.
Back in my teens, I worked in my parents’ grocery store. There was one man who would boss me and everyone around. He didn’t even bother to learn our names. It felt impersonal.
On the other hand, in a different situation, every time a customer would address me by my name tag, I would feel valued and would be more inclined to help them.
People like to be treated equally, no matter who they are. Don’t rob them of that.
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Draw A Triangle
This may seem odd but the next time you’re talking to someone, draw a triangle on their face. Of course, I don’t mean literally, but figuratively.
Why? Because you’ll be more engaging this way. When you know how to hold someone’s gaze, you acknowledge their existence and consider them valuable.
Eye contact is the most immediate nonverbal message you can convey to someone. Too much of it is awkward, while not enough of it may make you seem standoffish.
So, how do you look into another person’s eyes without making it uncomfortable? Try the triangle technique.
As explained by career expert Kara Ronin from The Muse:
Draw an imaginary inverted triangle on the other person’s face around their eyes and mouth.
During the conversation, change your gaze every 5 to 10 seconds from one point on the triangle to another. This will make you look interested and engrossed in the conversation.
Whether it’s a small group or only one person, people like to be noticed. Make sure you use that knowledge to your advantage.
But also, avoid getting into your own head. The more energy you put into acting a certain way, the more you’ll look forced to be there.
Just pay attention to your conversation partner, and the rest will follow.
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Ask For A Favor
For many of us, asking for a favor isn’t something we enjoy doing. It can give us a feeling of obligation. It might also hurt our egos.
But did you know that the fastest way to make friends is to ask others to do things for you? Bear with me for a moment.
Logically speaking, if you do a person a favor, you would expect that person to like you more. Turns out, research says otherwise.
If you do someone a favor, you tend to like them more as a result. The reason? We justify our actions to ourselves by assuming that we did the person a favor because we like them. It’s a little bit like reverse psychology.
This psychological phenomenon is dubbed the Ben Franklin effect.
According to legend, Franklin used this technique to curry favor from a rival by asking his rival to lend him a rare book then thanking him profusely.
Apparently, it worked, leading the two men to become good friends.
But here’s the caveat though. You’d have to be friendly about it instead of being demanding. Start off with something like, “Hey do you mind if I have some of your gum?”
Chances are, they’ll rationalize sharing their gum with you as them actually liking you.
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Hold a Cup Of Coffee
Do you want to ask someone out on a date? It’s scientifically proven that you’d get your best results when you take them out for a coffee.
A 2008 study found that attraction can be linked to temperature. During the experiment, participants were asked to hold cold and warm beverages while discussing with a group of people.
Those who held iced drinks were described as harsh and cold. Meanwhile, those with hot drinks were believed to have warm personalities.
If such a simple act as holding something warm can make us more trusting toward others, then, it’s easy to make this work to your advantage.
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Final Thoughts
You say you want to become more appealing to others. Then, be deliberate with how you conduct yourself.
- Address people by their first names. It’s a low-effort gesture.
- Make direct eye contact with someone to express your trustworthiness. But to avoid making things awkward, work the triangular route. Start off with their right eye, left eye, and their mouth. Switch it up at varying times so you’re not looking too nervous.
- Forget about bending over backward for other people. Ask them to do favors for you instead.
- Since warmth is directly correlated to attraction, take them out for coffee on the first date. More importantly, have a warm personality.
Do these things and you’ll likely reap the benefits tenfold.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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