If you are currently single, you might well be thinking the pandemic is the worst thing ever. Just when you were happily dating, suddenly the coronavirus hits and you’re stuck inside.
When you actually get out, you can’t even see your date properly behind the mask. Then you need to keep your safe two metres apart from each other.
Even if you like someone, it seems like it could be forever before you actually start a relationship.
But it’s not all bad!
This new way of dating the pandemic has introduced could actually help you find a much better relationship if you’re looking for a long lasting partner.
For many years, with the growing number of apps making it easier and easier to find dates, there’s been a growing trend to just move on to the next person if at first everything doesn’t seem perfect. A decade ago at least you’d spend a little time reading a profile. But now they’ve tried to take that extra challenge out. The ‘swipe to like’ mentality results in relationships often being formed on a quick glance of a photo, with more superficial criteria like ‘nice hair’, ‘cute nose’ or ‘hunky shoulders’ being the deciding factor.
However, to find a fulfilling relationship it takes more than that. And that’s where there might actually be a hidden positive during these difficult times.
1 — Taking more time to get to know each other
Rather than rushing into going on a date purely based on what the other person looks like, because meeting up is more challenging it means taking more time to get to know the other person. Right from the start, that could mean actually reading the profile and not just looking at the photo. Then you spend more time messaging and talking to each other before actually meeting.
A little like in the past in the days when people wrote letters to each other, you get to know each other and whether you like each other based on deeper things than just looks.
2 — Not getting fooled by brain chemicals
Taking more time to get to know each other before meeting usually also means waiting longer before you jump into bed with each other. Because as soon as you get physically involved, your body actually releases chemicals, including oxytocin (the ‘love’ drug), which cause you to have a distorted view of your partner. That’s like the ‘rose coloured lenses’ that get talked about. You tend to see the other person as wonderful and don’t notice the things that will drive you crazy a few months after the ‘love drug’ wears off.
That means you can really get to know the other person more honestly without having your perceptions coloured by your body chemistry. It’s a chance to take time to get to know the other person and what they are really like.
3 — Time to get to know their values and beliefs
When people start looking for a relationship, they often think that they have set criteria like kind, sensitive, passionate and honest. But as soon as the sexy photo appears on the phone, all those deeper values seem to get forgotten.
Right now you’ve got time to get to know how the other person views the world. What’s important to them and what their beliefs are about life and relationships. The things that ultimately determine whether you’ll ultimately be happy in a relationship with them.
So use the time to talk about what’s important to you and discover what’s important for them. Get to know a little about their past relationships. This can give you insight into how they view relationships. Find out what they are passionate about in life and what is important to them.
Ask what they are looking for in a relationship. What are their thoughts about things like money and where they’d ideally like to live.
4 — Let them know what you want
Because you’re spending more time getting to know each other online it means you’ve got more opportunity to meet someone who could be an amazing partner.
And that means being clear about what you want. That doesn’t mean that the first time you message them you should ask them if they want kids. But if you do want a family, that is a useful thing to be clear about as you get to know them before you’ve struck up a relationship.
Even things like whether the other person likes pets could be a deal breaker in the future.
You’ve got more time to be clear about what you want. So make sure you express the things that are important to you before you start dating in ‘real’ life.
So the pandemic has certainly changed the way many people are dating. But that could be a hidden way for you to actually find the fulfilling relationship you deserve.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com