4 Unrealistic Expectations in a Relationship You Need To Avoid

My first serious relationship ended miserably because both my ex and I had a crazy amount of expectations for each other. He wanted me to constantly text/call him every couple of hours, and I expected him to give me more space.

He also had expectations that women should be stay-at-home moms once married, and I wanted to keep working on my career life.

Looking back, no wonder it didn’t work out. That’s not including the other tiny small expectations that we had. We claimed we loved each other to death, but when it came to making compromises, none of us wanted to give in.

Does this sound familiar?

I’m sure this isn’t the first time you heard people broken up because of too many expectations they had. It’s been one of the biggest reasons why people fail to build a long-lasting connection with someone.

If you find struggles in maintaining your current relationship, this article might be for you as we’ll dive into the four common unrealistic expectations you should avoid at all costs.

You expect your partner to read your mind, especially during disagreements.

This is the most common mistake that people make. And the longer you’re with them, the more you expect them to understand what’s going on in your mind or how you feel without actually saying it.

I’m guilty of this, especially whenever my partner and I have a fight; it’s hard to force myself to communicate my needs efficiently.

Too many expectations kill the connection, and it creates so much misunderstanding.

The best thing you can do to avoid this is to remove yourself during arguments/any fights with your partner so you can think clearly. Then you can have a conversation and tell them your feelings properly.

So there won’t be any room where you get hurt because they can’t read your mind.

You expect your partner to change who he/she is to match up your “ideal partner.”

Acceptance is the hardest thing for someone with high expectations in their relationship. The thing is, there’s always something that’s not quite right about your partner if that’s all your focus on.

It’s easy to fall into the “catching for flaws” phase, where you have no room to appreciate each other. When you decide you want to be in a relationship with them, every flaw in them should be something non-negotiable for you.

You can’t be saying “yes,” but deep down hoping they’ll stop smoking or drinking. That’s why you should never fall for the potential in the first place.

If they ever change, it should come from their end, not because you force them to.

You expect your partner to give you lifetime happiness.

It took me years to realize this. I used to put my happiness in my partner’s hands. If I had problems and I was sad, I’d expect him to come around and remove all those uncomfortable feelings.

Not only that, but I also used to refuse the fact that no matter how much he tried to make me happy, that’s just never enough. It’s only me who can give the full happiness because as cliche as this sounds, it all comes from within.

So again, just because you’re in a relationship now, that doesn’t mean you should stop working on yourself and depending on your partner to fill the void.

On the other side, if you find other things that bring joy into your life, it’ll eventually impact your relationship into a better state.

You expect to own your partner, emotionally and physically.

I never like the phrase that most couples use; “you’re mine forever.”

While it sounds awfully romantic but that’s just not practical in real life. With that statement also comes some unrealistic expectations. One of them is you begin expecting them to follow your way or at least expect your partner to always be on the same page with you in terms of everything.

Your partner might devote their life to you, but they still have their own opinions on certain things that might not match with yours.

And that’s okay.

You don’t have to be on the same page in everything. Disagreements aren’t always a bad thing. At the end of the day, no matter how serious the relationship is, you both are still two different individuals with different wants and needs.

Parting Words

“Don’t set your husband up on a pedestal and then cry when you find that he is only an ordinary man, after all.” ― Blanche Ebbutt, Don’ts for Wives

I always think people are barely honest when they tell you why their relationship doesn’t work.

Most of them will give you cliche and odd reasons; we aren’t compatible, or we are no longer on the same page.

But if they can take a step back and reflect, they’ll realize that it’s the unrealistic expectations that ruin the relationship. It’s all about being self-aware that you aren’t all perfect, and so is your partner.

A healthy relationship that I’ve known my whole life is the one where both parties put in constant work even if some days they don’t feel like it. And on top of it all, they know how to reevaluate the expectations they have for their partner every now and then and are willing to remove it if it gets too much.

So beware of those high expectations that you maybe don’t realize you have and work on trying to reduce them together.

I write about all things that you might struggle with within your love life. My main goal is to make you feel less alone on your journey. If you resonate with my stories, stay in tune by becoming a Medium member here, or you can buy me a coffee here 🙂

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***