Covid 19 has brought with it many problems such as unemployment, relationship breakdown, but worst of all, death. The death of a loved one is probably the most uncomfortable subject to discuss. We don’t want to talk about it, let alone think about it. But due to Covid 19, sadly, we’ve all been hit by the pandemic of death.
When someone dies, we’re sometimes told to be strong; everything will be ok. When grief comes knocking at the door unexpectedly, those words are probably not the words you want to hear because no, we can’t be strong right now, and no, everything will not be ok — not just yet. If you have had to cope with grief recently, my heart goes out to you; here are some points that can help you or someone you know deal with grief.
Acknowledge the pain
You’ve just lost someone dear to you. You miss your loved one. Acknowledge that your loved one won’t be around like before. Being in denial will only prolong the pain. Death is like a journey of no return. Even after years of losing someone, you will still feel the pain, but it might not be as strong as you feel it today.
Talk to a friend
“A friend in need is a friend indeed”.
Those words were true yesterday and will always be true. However, for some, during grief, they might prefer to be alone, which is normal. But avoid completely pushing people away. When you feel like talking, speak to someone who can empathize with you, a good listener.
Give yourself time
Many of us have all had some sort of illness in the past. Often, we might take medication to recover quickly, and soon enough, we even forget that we were ever unwell. Well, grief is not the same. There is no fast-acting ‘medication’ to help us get over grief quickly. It takes time.
After more than 18 years of losing his wife, an 84-year-old widower said:
“Although I have been without my dear wife for more than 18 years, I still miss her and grieve over my loss. Whenever I see something in nature that is attractive, my thoughts go to her, and I cannot help wondering how she would have enjoyed seeing what I am seeing.”
Grief is like a chronic illness that stays with us forever, but with time, the pain will soften.
Allow yourself to grieve
“Men don’t cry,” people say.
In some cultures, it is considered unmanly for a man to cry, especially in public. But is it reasonable to feel ashamed for shedding tears for someone you love? Suppressing the grief and trying to put on a bold face will only worsen the situation.
Experts in mental health acknowledge that crying is a normal part of grieving. It is part of the process. So allow yourself time to grieve, and do not be ashamed for doing so.
It’s ok not to be ok when a loved one dies, but for you to cope successfully, you need to acknowledge the pain, talk to a friend, give yourself time and allow yourself to grieve.
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This post was previously published on Change Becomes You.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
Escape the Act Like a Man Box | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men | Why I Don’t Want to Talk About Race | The First Myth of the Patriarchy: The Acorn on the Pillow |
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