Some people will say, how can you love more than one person? They don’t release it’s the same as having more than one child. You love your children equally, no matter how many there are.
The limits are not in love but in time and energy. These two things limit the number of relationships you can successfully have and manage.
Research shows that non-monogamous relationships generally reported better relationship satisfaction than people in monogamous relationships.
And this may have something to do with asking for what you want and being more likely to have it met.
As humans, one thing that really turns us on — intellectually, emotionally, and physically — is newness and mystery and some spontaneity.
When you are in a monogamous relationship, it is hard to have all your sexual and non-sexual needs met by one person. It can become a burden for them.
But if you are in a consensual non-monogamous relationship, you can easily mix up the experience for different sexual partners and introduce new movements each time you have sex.
All forms of non-monogamous relationships have rules, and the rules are set by each individual partner.
So any time you break the rules of your relationship, that’s cheating. But here are some rules that could damage your relationship.
You demand to know your partner’s sexual intentions with others.
You can’t put a leash on people’s feelings. This is why non-monogamy exist in the first place.
Attraction can happen at any time and anywhere. Your partner should not be under any obligation to discuss their sexual intention with you before sleeping with someone else.
Any rule stating that your partner must discuss their sexual intentions before having sex with other people is unrealistic.
And such unrealistic expectations will make your partner feel trapped, which can hurt your relationship.
You don’t treat your sexual partners equally
One of the problems some poly couples experience is unequal affection. One person always feels side-lined, especially in triad or throuple relationships.
If your want a healthy open relationship, you must show equal affection to all your sexual partners.
Takings sides or being biased can create conflicts and eventually lead to a lack of trust and dishonesty.
You build resentment towards your partners
Relationship stress tends to triple in multiple partnerships. One partner may get jealous because you’re spending too much time with another, who in turn gets upset because you are suddenly distant and stressed out in providing their emotional needs.
And while trying to be emotionally available for A and B, the third partner will expect you to be there for her/him too.
Their persistence and lack of understanding can stress you out to the point you get angry and resent them.
You keep tabs on everything your partners do
If you are a control freak, that could really hurt your relationships. It is not cute that you check in on your partners every ten minutes.
If you have the habit of checking your partners’ phones, accusing them of flirting and cheating, and knowing demanding to know where they are at any particular point in time, that can hurt your relationships. Nobody likes to put up with an insecure partner.
Final thought
Polyamory and open relationships are certainly not for everyone. Being polyamorous doesn’t automatically fix the problems that arise in monogamous relationships.
And those in polyamorous relationships aren’t necessarily more enlightened in terms of romance and sex than everyone else.
It’s normal and possible to explore polyamory, but that doesn’t mean you should stick with it. Some people find that it is not a safer emotional option for them and turn back to monogamy.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com
