Enmeshment is a tricky dynamic occurring in all kinds of relationships, but primarily in familial ones. While it may present itself like love or closeness, it’s actually an unhealthy condition where two or more people become entangled. In turn, this causes many aspects of the relationship and the individuality of those within it to become compromised and confusing.
The definition of “enmeshment” is “a condition in which two or more people, typically family members, are involved in each other’s activities and personal relationships to an excessive degree, thus limiting or precluding healthy interaction and compromising individual autonomy and identity.” But what does that mean, really? What does it look like?
This could look like you and another person not having clear boundaries around privacy and decision-making. You may not know who you are outside of the other person, or they might limit your individuality. Maybe you feel responsible for each other’s well-being, feeling each other’s pain as deeply as you feel your own. You may also struggle to say “no,” misunderstand your different roles in the relationship, or depend too much on each other.
If this sounds familiar to you, try to not worry. First, you’re far from alone in your struggle with this. Second, you can take helpful actions to improve the relationship, like attending family or relationship therapy, setting boundaries, respecting your desire for independence, engaging in self-care, and more.
For some encouragement in your journey, here are five quotes that can help you understand the situation and inspire you to know you deserve much better.
***
5 Encouraging Quotes
1. “Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.”
This quote, said by Anna Taylor, reminds us that setting boundaries is an act of self-love and self-care, not selfishness. We do, in fact, hold power over our lives and time, both of which are valuable. We’re allowed to say “no” to people and situations that don’t serve us.
***
2. “Get this through your head — you are not responsible for other people’s happiness… Be authentic and please yourself, which is perfect for running off the people who need to go, and bringing in the people who should be in your life.”
Bryant McGill emphasizes here that we aren’t responsible for others, only ourselves. This quote inspires us to do what makes us feel happy and fulfilled freely. Once we do that, we can naturally curate the people in our lives to be the ones who build us up and support us as we are.
***
3. “Avoid people who think they are entitled to meddle with your life and yet know so little of you. Don’t let them dictate where you’re going.”
Dodinsky encourages us in this quote to focus on people who respect our individuality, privacy, independence, and decision-making. We alone are entitled to our own lives, and people need to express true care for us to be a part of them. We can decide for ourselves what we want and know there’s nothing wrong with doing that.
***
4. “Intimacy absolutely requires that each person in a relationship be whole and individual… Enmeshment — two people blending in such a way that one or both lose their identity — is not intimacy either.”
Feeling intimate with someone — being able to be vulnerable safely, feeling connected and loved as you are, et cetera — is a valuable experience in any relationship. But as Anne Katherine said in this quote, when you lose who you are in your entanglement with someone else’s identity and emotions, you can’t connect with them intimately. By working on your enmeshed relationships, you can gain more intimacy in your life.
***
5. “Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions, our separateness. Those who can’t respect our boundaries are telling us that they don’t love our ‘nos.’ They only love our ‘yeses,’ our compliance. ‘I only like it when you do what I want.’”
Henry Cloud explains in this quote that people who don’t respect our boundaries don’t respect us as people. We deserve to be loved even when we make decisions others don’t agree with and by people who respect who we are. We’re allowed to be different, to say “no,” and to make our own choices — and still receive wholehearted love.
***
Takeaways
Remember, you’re allowed to be yourself and do what makes you happy. You’re not responsible for others, and others aren’t responsible for you. Take care of yourself, engage in fulfilling relationships, and know you’re worthy of the best.
—
This post was previously published on Medium.
***
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often | Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | ..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything |
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: Shutterstock