When my Parents and I migrated to Australia, I realised I started subconsciously devaluing myself. I’m sure it involves going to an unknown environment without much support from other families.
As soon as I hit my thirties, it was then that I realised that so many people around me devalued themselves consistently. It wasn’t just people who came from immigrant families but also people who were born and raised in Australia.
Each person has devalued themselves at least a few times in their life. I’m in my forties now, and I wanted to share five powerful ways to start valuing yourself more.
I use these practices myself, and my life has improved for the better.
That bloody inner voice
We all have this voice in our heads that seems to dictate our very next move. I don’t know about your voice, but mine talks a lot! Some people may say that I’m an overthinker, but it’s usually me having a debate (sometimes an argument) with my inner voice.
Knowing this powerful phrase is the first step in controlling that annoying inner voice inside your head.
“You are not the voice inside your mind but the one who is aware of it.” -Echart Tolle
It took me more than thirty years to fully understand this. It’s not taught in school, and my parents had no idea. When I read a book called “The surrender experiment” by Michael Singer, I realised that the annoying voice inside my head was not me.
This means I have the power to either convince it or not follow its advice.
Whenever I make decisions (big or small), I always try to get all the facts in before I “consult” with my inner voice. Sometimes I disagree with it, but I have since made peace with the fact that this voice is not me.
In the end, I call the shots.
So the question I ask you (the reader) is… do you have a healthy relationship with your inner voice? Or is it a dictator of your life?
This great video below explains more.
Jordan B Peterson, Is My Inner Voice Healthy? — Youtube
Serving others
I always find myself happy whenever I help someone solve a particular question or problem. Whether it’s my colleague from work or my seven-year-old, the positive feeling I get when helping is second to none.
There have been times when some people have taken advantage of my generosity and time, but more often than not, I found it rewarding and karma always comes right back.
Whether you have a particular skill that you can teach someone, or you have time to help or volunteer for a charity, your contributions can help improve the person and the world.
I write here on Medium to serve others through my knowledge and experience regarding specific topics like personal growth. I use this as fuel to be consistent with my writing.
I realised that money is not my primary motivator for writing on Medium, and I plan to keep it that way (although it does help if I have a good month)
I’m also committed to being the best Dad I can be to my 7-year-old daughter. I didn’t have the best experience growing up, and I don’t want my child to go through what I did.
So let me ask you this question, what have you done to serve others lately?
“We’re wired for service, educated for greed. Scientifically, spiritually and practically, service is what gives us the deepest joy and makes the greatest difference in the world” — Jay Shetty
Practice Forgiveness
Forgiving myself and others consistently has been an ongoing battle in my mind over the last few years. Everyone in the world makes mistakes, and no one is perfect, yet we blame others and hold grudges for days (even years)
We must practice forgiveness regularly, whether forgiving others or ourselves. Holding on to grudges is like a slow poison that worsens as time passes. It’s not worth holding on to.
The latest TOP GUN movie I recently watched had this touching scene where Maverick (played by Tom Cruise) was talking to Ice (played by Val Kilmer). Maverick still couldn’t get over the death of his friend and wing pilot (Goose). Ice tells him with a serious face to let it go and move on with his life.
Learning how to forgive others and ourselves is a vital skill we need to have to have a beautiful life. We have to first understand forgiveness and take crucial steps to let go.
“Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace” — Mel Robbins
Pointless Comparison
My daughter loves watching Youtube in her spare time. However, we have decided that for her to get a chance to watch TV, she’ll need to read a book for 20 minutes first.
She despises the rule so much that she would rather sit on the couch and do nothing. The funny fact is that she’s one of the best readers in her class.
My daughter also has a friend who’s roughly the same age as her and is already ahead in reading. Every now and then, I would compare her to my daughter and ask why she couldn’t be more like her friend doing well in reading.
Then I started to remember all the memories I had growing up and my parents trying to compare me to my friend my age who was doing well in school.
I felt like crap every time they brought it up.
It turns out that this habit is bad parenting. Doing so increases my daughter’s anxiety and stress levels.
My mentor has told me not to compare myself to others doing better than me as I’m running my race, not anyone else’s.
Yet it’s common for me to look at Facebook or Youtube and see many highly successful individuals with their cars and mansions. I start to subconsciously compare myself and wonder why I feel rubbish after 20 minutes of watching.
“Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today” — Jordan Peterson
Please, sir… I want some more!
If you’re a person who wants to value yourself, then that means you’ll have desires and wishes deep within. It’s our job, however, to keep that alive no matter what challenges life throws at us.
We all must consistently tell ourselves that we deserve the life we envision. We deserve to have, be and do better. We have to pay attention to this as we can quickly get lazy and throw away our dreams to live mediocre lives.
If you’re comfortable with that decision, no one will stop you. Just be aware that eventually, you will want more out of life.
As a reminder of my desires, I have a virtual vision board as desktop wallpaper on my two monitors and a vision board hanging up on a wall so I can see it daily.
Every time I see my vision board, I remind myself of what I want in life and a shining light on my dreams, which feeds my heart and soul and makes it fulfilling.
Keep in mind that my happiness is not tied to this grand vision I want out of my life. I’m happy and grateful for the life I have right now, but I’m still going to strive to become the best version of myself.
I am blissfully dissatisfied.
“NEVER FEEL GUILTY FOR WANTING MORE OUT OF LIFE THAN THE AVERAGE”
Conclusion
Self-worth is the umbrella term describing our core being and who we are at the centre of being human. The actions we take to align ourselves to that worth actionably are the meaning and purpose of self-value.
Such small yet powerful changes can make all the difference for ourselves and the greater good. Learning to value ourselves requires a gentle shift in mindset on how we show up.
Now back to you (the reader), how do you value yourself? What techniques do you use to remind yourself of your value as a person?
Comment down below! I’d love to hear from you.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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