Say hello to any Tom, Dick, and Harry. These three average guys absolutely love and adore their wives, doing anything they can to please their women.
They go to the store, they cook, they clean, they keep a steady job as the most dependable person known to humankind.
They, and their wives, are totally miserable!
Because there’s zero (sexual) tension.
There’s no danger, no risk, no adventure, and as a result, any flame that may have existed in their boring, insignificant life was blown out a decade ago.
If you’re this guy that sits around and panders at his woman, hoping to please her so she’ll have sex with you once per week as part of your agreement, please take note.
Not all is lost, but it will be difficult for you to change the dynamic of your relationship.
Why is that, you ask?
Because she’s trained you.
Trained you to be safe, and create a world for her where she’s not challenged and isn’t forced to grow.
Listen, there’s a reason girls always went after the bad boys in high school.
Because they were exciting!
Those guys didn’t care what you thought of them, they didn’t ask your opinion and they sure as fuck didn’t pander to your emotions.
They were, albeit unconscious, Alphas. They took what they wanted, didn’t fear rejection, and they certainly didn’t alter their behaviors so you or anyone else can like them.
The Happy Wife = Happy Life lie.
This saying was made up by guys resolved to please their women not from a place of deep service and humble regard, but for selfish fear of what their women think of them.
They foolishly figure that if their wife is happy, they can by proxy, be happy to.
They desperately want to be approved of and what makes them dangerous is they will do anything to be validated.
We see these men literally everywhere.
They infiltrate our corporate boardrooms and communicate in passive aggressive comments meant to undermine their colleagues.
They raise weak-hearted children that lack imagination, praised for hitting behavior metrics designed to compensate for their parental inadequacies.
Lacking any significance or meaning, I dare say these men are the mass shooters at schools and public places, ready to commit heinous crimes against humanity seeking acknowledgment.
Yes, the problems run deep in the troubled hearts of men. But what these men so dangerous is they don’t have an outlet. They rage inside and rather than contend with their inner demons, they make up little statements that ease their internal tension.
Happy Wife = Happy Life.
I can almost hear a group of overweight, mid-forty-year-old men say while gathering around the BBQ grill pulled from the garage of a cookie-cutter subdivision home filled with suburbans while their wives cackle about inside drinking from boxed wine.
Number one on my list of five reasons this saying is crap:
1. He lacks authenticity.
Authenticity is the currency of today’s false-filled world. We crave authenticity because we can trust it, and we are desperate for it because our trust has so badly been misused and abused from decades of manipulative advertising, corporate corruption, and greed that infests nearly everything we touch. Social media and its silly influencers have only made the matter worse. When a man uses this statement, he’s not being authentic and is casting himself and his needs as lesser.
2. He’s being manipulative.
When a man is consumed with his wife’s happiness, he’s betraying himself by denying his own needs and wants by preying on the happiness of another. He’s being manipulative.
3. He has no warrior energy.
Primal speaking, women thrive in environments that are safe. When a man just flops over, deferring to his wife’s happiness, he’s letting go of all his warrior energy that makes him powerful and productive. Rather than enjoying the rewards of getting shit done, he sacrifices his warrior spirit for the short-term pleasure gains of doing what his wife wants him to do.
4. He doesn’t trust himself or you.
He fears conflict because he doesn’t trust himself to do the right thing when it counts. This is the guy that sleeps on the couch when his wife is angry and mopes around trying to get back in her favor by sending flowers, buying gifts or other acts of selfish rather than dealing with the problem.
5. He’s unattractive.
Let’s face it, nobody is attracted to a push over. When a man haphazardly throws aside his own needs to avoid conflict, we ignore him at one level, or avoid him at another. By doing so, he becomes very unattractive in every way.
We are products of both our environment and our family of origin, making the game of love and relationships tricky, no matter who you are.
I suffered from much of the above, creating disastrous relationships for decades until I learned to love myself, and build the confidence to meet my own needs, embrace my wants without apology and invite good people into the adventure of creation.
Want your wife to be happy?
I think if you ask her, she’ll admit that her happiness is a product of her own responsibility and together, you can add to immeasurable joy to each other’s lives in partnership.
Perhaps the accurate saying should be:
Happy Life = Happy Wife
Give all this a try. I’d love to hear what works for you.
This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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