Picture the scenario: You’re out with your partner at a friend’s birthday party.

It’s a garden party. Plenty of people (post-COVID, of course) and plenty of other couples you know.

Suddenly, you focus on a specific couple. You begin to compare. You look for similarities, differences, anything you can highlight between their pairing and yours.

Ultimately, you’re dissatisfied. You’ve concluded that your chosen couple is simply better than you.

You turn to your partner:

If you’ve ever even come close to following this train of thought, you’ve made a grave mistake.

Newsflash: ‘The Perfect Couple’ doesn’t exist.

It’s a worn-out phrase with absolutely no specific meaning or usefulness.

If anything, its only use is to make you feel bad about your own relationship, which is never healthy.

So the next time you create an idyllic image of your favorite couple in your mind, take a step back and remember these five points.

. . .

You’re highlighting your own faults, not finding perfection

Perfection is something we’d all like to attain. However impossible that may seem.

But in seeing so-called perfection in others, you aren’t doing yourself any favors.

In actuality, all you’re doing is using your perceived version of perfection to highlight what you perceive to be faults within yourself and your own relationship.

“They’re so happy! Why aren’t we happy all the time?”

“They’re so rich! Why don’t we have better jobs?”

“They spend so much time with their kids! Why don’t we spend that much time with ours?”

You might not be highlighting your faults directly. But by using another couple as your ‘Perfection Blueprint’, faults in yourself are always going to emerge.

The key is to stop thinking of perfection as something that can be reached — it can’t.

You may think it can, and you may think somebody who presents as perfect could be a perfect person. But you’re lying to yourself.

Just try to be the best version of yourself, as a couple, as you can be.

Now, speaking of presenting as perfect…

Everybody is different behind closed doors

You may think you know someone based on the way they present themselves in public.

You may even think you know someone because they’re a close friend or relative.

But the truth is everybody is different behind closed doors. This is especially true for people you may think are the perfect couple.

Just because somebody is presenting as happy, satisfied, and loving life doesn’t mean that’s the case.

Actually, it may surprise you to learn that l lot of people over-emphasize this aspect of their personality (or what they wish was their personality) when out in public.

They’re not always happy. Nobody is. They’re covering up the scent of their own dissatisfaction.

How many times have you heard:

Common, isn’t it?

If you’re finding this hard to believe, perhaps you should consider statistics like the ones featured in this article from Wevorce:

Therefore, statistically speaking, the couple you think the world of could be in quite a bit of trouble.

Never assume someone is always the way they present themselves to be. We all put on a face to survive every day.

What is ‘Perfection’ anyway?

The Cambridge Dictionary describes perfection as:

Straight off the bat, you know this sounds absolutely nothing like your relationship, right?

And if you think it does, it’s time to pull your head out of the sand.

No relationship is perfect. No person is perfect. No singular thing is perfect.

Sure, it’s a word that gets thrown around a lot to describe really awesome things. But things can always be better.

If a golfer hits a hole-in-one on every single hole (never gonna happen, by the way) did she hit the perfect game?

At first glance, yeah. Her score couldn’t possibly have been any better.

But was her form perfect? Did she choose the perfect clubs for the job? Was her focus perfect, or was it mostly luck?

The second you start to pick holes in perfection, you realize it’s something that can never truly be realized.

So stop pressuring yourself into trying to be the perfect couple, or believing someone else is the perfect couple.

There’s no such thing and the word itself is open to more interpretation than you might think.

We all go through hard times

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re worried about the current state of your relationship.

Why else would you have clicked on such a title?

Or perhaps you’re just curious; Perhaps you’re wondering how things could be better for you two, as well as worse.

Either way, you’re likely to have doubts swimming around in your mind somewhere.

If these doubts are forcing you to question whether or not you and your partner are the perfect couple, as you thought you were, try not to worry.

We all go through hard times. Any relationship that’s seen significant struggles and stayed the course is only stronger because of it.

It doesn’t mean you should think any less of the bond you share with your significant other.

Being there for each other and supporting each other when times get tough is the absolute closest to perfection you’ll ever get.

There will always be someone better than you, that doesn’t make them perfect

The same can be said in any walk of life, any societal role, and any job.

Always strive to be the best version of yourself individually and as a couple. This will help you feel better about yourself and what you have to offer the world together.

That being said, no matter how hard you try, you will always find someone to idolize and place above yourself on almost every level.

Someone you simply see as better than you. Better, or even perfect.

Why? We’re a naturally insecure species. And we’re intelligent enough to recognize the qualities of others.

If we see ourselves lacking in a particular quality, specifically in relationships, it’s natural to assume somebody else is the best at it.

But this is never the case. Not to the degree you may assume it is, anyway.

There will always be aspects of your relationship you can work on and improve. But that doesn’t mean you need to put yourself down by seeing another couple as idols.

They may seem to have things together a little better than you do, and their relationship dynamic might appear a little more stable than yours.

But that does not make them perfect. Never make that mistake.

. . .

To sum up:

• The perfect couple doesn’t exist. Stop pretending it does.
• When you identify perfection you instantly criticize yourself.
• Nobody is exactly who they appear to be.
• Perfection can be seen in a whole host of ways.
• Nobody’s perfect all the time so don’t feel bad about it.
• Stop seeing others as better than you. They’re not perfect, nobody is.

—

This post was previously published on Hello, Love.

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