Real-life relationships rarely follow the script of a Hollywood rom-com. In fact, some of the so-called “romantic” tropes you see in movies can harm real-life relationships.
From unrealistic expectations to unhealthy communication patterns, these tropes can set you up for disappointment and frustration in your own love life.
So, put on your critical thinking hat, and let’s dive into five rom-com tropes that might seem cute on screen, but are actually problematic in real-life relationships.
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#1. The “Grand Gesture” trope
When I was a student, I fantasized about romantic scenarios where someone would unexpectedly show up at my home with flowers, or travel long-distance to surprise me.
You can tell I had watched tons of rom-coms.
So I had this idea that a grand, over-the-top gesture was the ultimate expression of love and that the bigger the gesture, the more love it represented.
The problem is that real-life relationships don’t always call for grand gestures, but for more important things: communication; mutual effort; patience; consistency.
Even if chasing down a plane or jumping on a table to profess your love in front of a crowd might seem swoon-worthy on screen, in reality, this trope sets unrealistic expectations for relationships.
And let’s face it — not everyone can afford to rent out an entire restaurant or orchestrate a flash mob to confess their love.
By focusing on grand gestures, you risk overlooking the day-to-day effort and communication that genuinely sustains a healthy relationship.
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#2. The “Fixer-Upper” Trope
An emotionally unavailable bad boy with a turbulent past. A good girl that comes to his rescue. She fixes him and they fall in love.
Does that ring any bells?
The “fixer-upper” trope in rom-coms is often presented as a charming and even noble pursuit, with one partner striving to help the other become their best self. However, this trope can be harmful in real life because it sets up an unequal power dynamic between the partners.
We all have flaws and imperfections, and expecting a partner to change those flaws to fit our preferences is not only unfair, but also impossible. While it’s natural to want to support and encourage your partners, ultimately you cannot force someone to change unless they are willing and motivated to do so themselves.
The idea that one person can “fix” their partner sets up a power dynamic that can be unhealthy and unequal. So unless you’re a licensed therapist with a toolkit of proven techniques, it’s probably best to avoid trying to turn your partner into your personal DIY project.
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#3. The “Perfect Partner” trope
In many rom-coms, the love interest is portrayed as a flawless, idealized version of a person that checks all of the protagonist’s boxes for physical appearance, personality, and compatibility.
Guys, has ever anyone checked all of your boxes? Hell, I threw my dating checklist away years ago. Do you know why?
Because people are not meant to fit into checkboxes. We’re humans, we’re flawed, we change and we evolve.
In real life, nobody is perfect, and expecting your partner to be everything you’ve ever wanted is unrealistic and unfair. While it’s natural to have preferences and standards, the “there’s a perfect partner out there for me” trope creates unrealistic expectations for your relationships.
Nobody is perfect, and searching for the ideal partner who fulfills all your desires can lead to disappointment, frustration, and a constant feeling of unfulfillment.
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#4. The “Love at First Sight” trope
Ah, love at first sight, the idea of two people locking eyes and instantly falling in love.
Or should I say, “in lust”?
You know, physical attraction is a significant factor in romantic relationships, but it is only one part of the equation. This trope suggests that true love is immediate and intense and that you’ll just “know” when you’ve found the one.
It ignores the importance of getting to know someone, developing a deep emotional connection, and building a foundation of trust and respect.
In reality, love takes time to grow and develop, and basing a relationship solely on physical attraction or infatuation can be a recipe for disappointment.
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#5. The “Happily Ever After” Trope
The “happily ever after” trope is a staple of every romantic comedy. After overcoming various obstacles and challenges, the protagonist finds their perfect match and lives happily ever after.
I think everyone believes more or less in that fairytale ending…up until they get into their first serious relationship.
That’s when you realize that in real life, relationships are complex and require ongoing effort, compromise, and growth.
Challenges and obstacles never truly go away. No one lives in a constant state of perpetual bliss. Even the happiest couples experience disagreements and conflicts.
Believing in a fairytale ending can lead to complacency and a lack of effort to maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Relationships are far messier and more complicated than a two-hour movie. The real work of one begins after the credits roll.
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Remember, just because something is popularized in a movie (or a book) doesn’t mean it’s a healthy or realistic way to approach a relationship.
While romantic comedies can be fun to watch, they often perpetuate harmful tropes that can have negative impacts on real-life relationships.
So, the next time you find yourself caught up in a rom-com fantasy, take a step back and remember that the key to a happy, healthy relationship lies in honest communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to work through challenges together.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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