5 Signs That You Are Highly Compatible With Your Partner

Compatibility is an achievement of love; it shouldn’t be its precondition.” — Alain de Botton

I recently shared an article on the common traits shared by couples who are committed to their emotional healing.

In the article, I mentioned that for happy and fulfilling relationships, it is vital that both partners find emotional healing from their emotional pain caused by past traumas.

Phoenix Mōsher is one of my favourite authors on this platform. He is an eloquent writer on mental health and life in general. I am very vested in his nephew whose life updates he has chosen to share with us. I have also learned a whole lot about CLN3 Batten Disease.

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In response to my article, he shared this lovely anecdote that I thought to share with you;

I heard a pastor once say that compatibility is season based. If one heals and the other doesn’t, you remove what you had in common.

Take 2 caterpillars for example. They are compatible until they are cocooned. One can become a butterfly and one can become a moth. One is diurnal, the other is nocturnal and only flies in the dark.

They thought they were compatible because they were both on the ground crawling together, but it took a season of cocoon oppression, it took for something to happen to reveal what’s inside.

It is important to heal TOGETHER and to grow TOGETHER or you remove what you had in common.

Thank you, Phoenix !

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“In a relationship that is to stand the test of time, romance is important, but compatibility is critical.” — Anonymous

In order to best understand how a relationship can come apart, it is helpful first to understand some of the ways that healthy relationships are structured, and how they function.

Many times, partners in healthy relationships come to agree upon common plans regarding the directions their relationship will take, and the way each partner will behave.

These common agreements may never have been discussed, but they will be present in how each partner chooses to act.

For better compatibility, there are things that a couple needs to agree upon to create a strong foundation for their relationship. As the couple intensifies their belief in these areas, their relationship gets stronger. They are easy to identify in any loving relationship.

Here Are 5 Signs That You Are Highly Compatible With Your Partner

1. You both value your friendship

It is not a lack of love, but of friendship, that usually catalyzes an unhappy relationship. — Unknown

The word “friendship” conjures up thoughts of honesty, vulnerability, trust, companionship, and mutual respect. It also implies an investment of time and energy.

When you are friends with your partner, you have mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company. And I think that is a vital part of a happy relationship.

C.S. Lewis said of friendship: “It is when we are doing things together that friendship springs up — painting, sailing ships, praying, philosophizing, and fighting shoulder to shoulder. Friends look in the same direction.”

When you and your partner value your friendship, when you have arguments it is less about who wins the argument, and more about coming to an amicable solution.

Successful partners develop a significant friendship at the core of their relationship. They genuinely like one another, amuse and comfort one another, and prefer to spend time with each other.

This friendship and mutual liking is somewhat separate from other aspects of the relationship (sexuality, for instance), and can survive the loss of these other aspects of the relationship.

A strong friendship and mutual liking is often the basis for the repair of troubled relationships. And if the relationship leads into marriage, then this is a great reminder:

Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends. — Harville Hendrix

So, if you are friends with your partner in the true sense of the word, that is a sign that should you get married. You will be able to sail through whatever storms may come your way.

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2. You both have emotional self-reliance

“ An amazing thing happens when you stop seeking approval and validation from others; you find it.” — Mandy Hale

In a truly compatible relationship, both partners support each other and have reached a place where they know who they are as individuals; and they know who they are within the relationship.

If you need constant validation and approval from someone else to feel happy, then you are relinquishing too much of your power and creating a scenario in which you can’t be happy on your own terms.

It is human nature to want to be liked, admired and included. However, it is damaging to your self-esteem and emotional strength if liking, admiration, and inclusion from your partner are things you have to constantly fight for.

According to the Enthusiastic Buddhist, seeking approval from others is not a recipe for finding happiness. In fact, trying to win the approval of others only batters our confidence, leads to low self-esteem and adds fuel to our mental stories.

It is important that both partners learn to nurture their own inner strength and bring that to the relationship.Seeking inner peace should be your personal aim instead of relying on the impermanent opinions of your partner.

Revel in the reality that you get to choose. You have the authority to decide how to spend your time and energy. And here’s the real beauty of it: When you don’t owe anyone anything — when you’re self-reliant — you’re free to give and receive love from the heart, without baggage.

All the love and validation you need is yours to give yourself. A sign that you are in a truly compatible relationship is you do not feel pressured to impress your partner.

Both partners realize this and come together from this place of wholeness, of inner strength and independence, and then love each other. Not because they are desperate to be needed, but because loving each other is a miraculous thing to do and promotes compatibility in relationships.

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3. You both choose to love each other

No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work. And no one falls out of love by chance it is by choice.” — Unknown

Love is a choice.

Love is in the details.

I do not believe only in falling in love. I also believe in growing in love. In retrospect, we all have love waiting to thrive from within our hearts. All great relationships are built on a foundation of mutual trust, honesty, and love.

In highly compatible relationships, both partners choose to love each other.

For your partner, love is something you should develop and sharpen with focus and determination. Keep well in mind that it is your choice what you invest your love in.

Many scholars see love as an emotional attachment (Hazan & Shaver, 1987), and as such, they consider the quality of a relationship rather than viewing love as a “yes/no” question.

I think that when you truly love someone, every single day you spend with them, you fall in love even more. Every day you spend with that person is like an adventure into their soul.

You discover that love is in the heart because you love them even when you do not see them.

If you can choose purposefully to love your partner and not just rely on the emotional feelings that you had in your early days, then you are on your way to building and maintaining a highly compatible relationship

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4. You are both intentional about effective communication

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” — George Bernard Shaw

In a highly compatible relationship, both partners realize that neither is a mind reader and make efforts to be intentional about their communication.

When you are in a highly compatible relationship, you endeavour to share your thoughts openly and give your partner the information they need rather than expecting them to figure it out from your scowling side glances and other non-verbal forms of communication.

Early on in my relationship, I struggled to learn how to communicate with my partner. I assumed that if he really cared about me, he would be attuned to my emotions, would understand when I needed his attention and when I needed my alone time depending on my mood.

I was wrong.

The more that remains unspoken, the greater the risk for problems. Start communicating as clearly as possible.

Use your words.

Don’t try to become a mind reader or turn your partner into one. Most problems, big and small, within a relationship start with broken communication.

In a highly compatible relationship, people do not listen just so they can reply — it is so they can understand what their partner is trying to say. They consider things from their partner’s perspective as well as their own.

Respecting your partner and listening to them when they speak, whether you understand or not, helps to create a supportive environment for a highly compatible relationship to thrive and grow.

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5. You both trust each other completely

“Loving someone is giving them the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to.” — Julianne Moore

One of the most important aspects of a strong, happy, and successful relationship is trust.

It is important that you and your partner fully trust and support each other. It is important to commit to making decisions together, planning your lives together, strategizing together, and communicating well together.

The reality is that trust is built slowly over time. The basis of trust is really the idea of attunement.

The work of building trust happens slowly as you move through life.

If you wholeheartedly trust your partner and know that you can count on them through thick and thin, then you have created a highly compatible relationship for yourselves. Kudos!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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