Do you wonder why you don’t receive the same love and care you give in a relationship? Do you feel powerless, like you’re at the mercy of someone else, feeling like you’re chasing a relationship instead of choosing it?
If this is you, stop wondering and think for a moment. Stressing over your relationship is tied to fear. You are afraid of losing him so you do everything necessary to secure your place in his heart.
You shouldn’t have to chase what belongs to you. So if you are putting in all the work and he’s throwing in the bare minimum, that means he’s either lost interest in you or he has grown complacent with you or the relationship has moved into the long-lasting stage.
However, the way you respond in the relationship has more to do with you than with him. A confident and high-value woman will not fall into pieces when a man pulls away.
Because she doesn’t base her worth on how men respond to her. She knows she’s worthy of love and won’t spiral out of control when they leave. But a woman with weak self-esteem will break down. She will start to doubt herself. She will be obsessing and stressing over him and how to get him back.
It’s completely normal for a man to pull away from a relationship
Men pull away for different reasons. Mostly, when a man withdraws into his cave, he’s trying to reconnect his masculinity with the relationship. He feels he’s losing himself and his goal which makes him undervalue himself.
In that period, what the man perceives as value is a deep connection and attraction, which involves openness and love not stress, fear, and validation.
Men want to feel free in their masculinity. Therefore, your openness gives him the gift of being free with himself. The more he feels free, the more you set him on the path of being free with you.
When a man is ready to build a long-lasting relationship, he focuses his energy on making money to provide for you and his future children, which prompts him to sacrifice energy in other areas of his life.
This doesn’t mean he shouldn’t try to be romantic or notice your presence, but you must understand his ultimate goal will come first.
Now before you jump to the conclusion that all men think long term goals when they pull away. Keep in mind that some men withdraw from you when they’ve lost interest in the relationship.
Instead of worrying and stressing about why he’s pulling away, focus on building high self-esteem. As you get more in tune with yourself, he will think he’s about to lose you and step up.
However, no matter his reasons for pulling away, you have a better chance of reconnecting the lost attraction between you two when you direct your energy into building your confidence, and here are five things to help you develop your self-esteem and confidence.
Stop overanalyzing things
If your man is pulling away, the first thing you want to do is show him you are a woman of high value. When you do this, most relationship problems just solve themselves.
Rather than worrying about what you did or did not do to make him distance himself from you, you should spend more time wondering why you care so much and why you are attaching too much emotion to the situation.
Your time and energy are valuable resources, so stop wasting them on obsessive thoughts that bring out your insecurities. You need to shift your mind from a place of attachment to a place of self-love.
When you shift your attention from him to yourself, you revoke the magnetic pull that gets his attention to you. The confidence that you can do better without him, is one of men’s greatest fears when they honestly care about you.
Show him you’re a catch
Men don’t always admit they prefer women who do not seek validation from them. They want women who are comfortable in themselves, and who don’t see the world from their perceptive.
When you expect to be validated by your partner, you reduce your worth in his eyes. This may be why he’s pulling away. To win him back, you have to show him what he has to lose.
The way you win a guy back is not by chasing him or obsessing about what you should and shouldn’t do because that will have the opposite effect.
Don’t remind him you exist! You don’t have to prove your worth to him. But when you focus on building yourself, he will see what you bring to the table and the desire to keep you will return.
Show up for yourself
Our perception of beauty and sexuality has traditionally been dictated by how men present them to us. That is why when we are in a relationship, we often place more value on the man’s opinion about us.
If you are constantly needing assurance from your man, it means you don’t believe in yourself. And when you don’t believe in yourself, you neglect the things that make you happy. His attitude affects you so much because you’ve made him a priority to your happiness.
When seeking validation from a man, you do things to gain approval from him. You may wear outfits you are uncomfortable in just so you get his attention.
Start making decisions based on what makes you happy and not what you think will make him happy.
Now is the time to make yourself your priority. Give yourself the same attention you’ve been giving him. Learning to love and appreciate yourself is an important step in building confidence and long-lasting happiness.
Take time to access your emotions
When a man pulls away from you, it’s easy to descend into self-guilt. Your mind will be filled with spiraling thoughts about what you did wrong. You see his attitude as a problem that should be fixed. You wish for things to go back to the way they used to be when you first met him.
Your reaction is completely normal. But if you can pause to access the situation, you will realize you’re worrying over nothing.
Ask yourself this: “what do I benefit from my worries?” “Does it bring me closer to him?”
If you sense your man is losing interest, reassure yourself that you are “worthy and valuable,” and that you will find the right person if he leaves. You have to understand you can’t force someone to be with you.
So if he’s having second thoughts about the relationship, there’s nothing you can do to change his mind. But if you give him time to process his thoughts and know what he wants from the relationship, chances are he will return to you. And when he does, he’s back for good, not games.
Trust that you will be fine
When you spiral after he pulls away, you’re invariably admitting that you don’t trust that things will work out fine so you question everything he does to prove yourself right.
Most women become desperate for attention when a man loses interest in them. Some are afraid of being alone, others fear they may not find someone better. Fear makes them desperate, therefore, they settle for the scraps he throws at them.
You need to understand that when you like someone, it doesn’t mean they are your soulmate. The obsession you feel might be because of what he provides for you and not him as a person.
Take time to access how you truly feel about him and remember you need someone deserving of your worth. So if he’s not that person, you must trust that you will be fine without him and that the man for you is still out there.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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