Dating and relationships are complex.
Consider the love affirmations you say to yourself. Choose healthy relationships over the toxic cycles your dopamine receptors crave.
Accept peace over love-hurt circles.
…
“Self-love doesn’t solve all your problems. But it gives you the confidence to do so.”
You invalidate yourself through comparison.
That’s where it starts. Acknowledge your progress, growth, and achievements. You demean your current state by comparing whether you are ahead or behind others.
“I am not” thoughts have driven me into places I knew weren’t for me. I want to prove to myself — I could do it. The satisfaction was short-lived. The “I am” statement had me see my growth, value it, and act from a place of gratitude.
Peaceful self-love doesn’t come from a place of comparison.
It springs from acceptance. Here you don’t act from a mindset of fear — rushing to fill what you think you lack most.
…
“Choose joyful abundance in your heart and be unbounded, free, and relaxed. Be relentless with your choice and you’ll make your mark.”
Women’s dating mindset revolves around the scarcity of good men.
- A good man is hard to find.
- All the good ones are in relationships.
- Where did all the good guys go?
You’ll see a good woman invest years into a man before realizing he won’t change for her or commit. Men are quicker to move on. He lets go of the intangible qualities of a good woman because he can find a lookalike in other ladies.
Flip the player men — ride for live girlfriend culture. Envision abundance in the dating pool, ladies. And I’d say the opposite works for men — appreciate the woman you have while you gain everything else.
…
Photo by iStockPhoto.com
“If your PRESENCE doesn’t add value then your ABSENCE won’t make a DIFFERENCE.”
People misunderstand the happiness of single people.
Even the scenarios in Disney movies have changed. Women do not get shown as looking for a partner. No. They want love, acceptance, and apologies from their mother figures. These endings happened in Turning Red and Encanto. Even male movie scenarios include heart.
People want softer lives, not struggles.
Women and men want acceptance, respect, and support in romantic relationships.
You don’t need red flags to signal the end of a relationship. It’s enough to look at the state of your life, acknowledge your feelings, and move on. No one needs to harden their heart. Listen to your feelings, act on them, and you will escape toxicity faster.
…
“I’m happy to report that my inner child is still ageless.”
All these baddie women and f-boy vibes in the dating world are the romanizations of hard hearts.
Unattractive and weird is how it colors soft love. The love where you are happy, committed, and child-ish around each other.
- No one needs to be the dominant, servant, or sex object.
- No one needs to be equal, either.
These boxes are challenging categories to stay within. Soft love allows flexibility and changing roles.
It works if you can be child-ish and have fun around each other. You can communicate and be light with your person. Your inner child is at peace. And dorky acts of love aren’t something you feel ashamed about receiving from your partner.
…
“I swear I couldn’t love you more than I do right now, and yet I know I will tomorrow.”
You don’t have to accept people’s opinions about the opposite gender.
You don’t have to make blanket assumptions about your romantic interests. You can see them at face value and judge them based on their actions.
Many times, your comments get internalized by your partner. Even by you. You say the opposite of what you want.
Remember, you have a choice — you can view your actions as loving or clingy. If you cannot trust yourself, you can ask if you’re making your partner uncomfortable. Stop denying love the ability to grow.
…
Thank you for reading this post.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
—
Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com