It’s really not that hard to make us happy
—
Whether you are from Detroit, Tampa, or Mars, you may not know the answers to that age-old question: “What do women want?” The subject is obviously compelling enough that Nancy Meyers made a movie about it awhile back. In the movie, Mel Gibson is given an incredible gift. He can hear the thoughts of women and girls and figure out exactly what it is they want. Unless you plan on being electrocuted into clairvoyance in the near future, maybe a safer bet is to let me give you some guidelines.
1. – Confidence is sexy. It just is, and women are attracted to it. Not feeling confident? You are not alone. But there are ways to raise your confidence with women so that they see the best version of you. To bring your A game – consider:
- Assessing your physical appearance and making any changes that might boost your confidence. Wardrobe and grooming are not too hard to tackle. A real man can and should be pulled together.
- Check in with yourself. Are you ready to date? Have you divested yourself of any baggage from past relationships? Residual pain and hurt can manifest as lack of confidence. Understandably so, if you have been hurt, but it’s best to leave that behind before dating again.
- Practice catching a woman’s eye across the coffee shop. Practice talking casually to women, at the check-out, as you fill your gas tank or wait for an elevator. Practice eye contact and smiling—the kind of smile that reaches your eyes. It’s easier to practice with strangers. Go for it!
2. – Pay attention. Women want to be heard. What is she saying? Some important tips:
- Know how to hold a conversation that makes her want to talk to you more. Then listen. Raptly.
- Ask questions about her. Then ask follow-up questions that show you were really tuned in.
- Find topics in common to keep the conversation going.
3. – Learn the language. I’m talking about body language. Women use it. They’re so fluent they don’t even know how much they are revealing sometimes. Here is a basic primer to get you started:
- Smile = “Hello. I am available for communication!”
- Repeated glances in your direction/eye contact = “I’m already interested in you.”
- A notable lean towards you = “I want to know more. Keep talking.”
4. – Be interesting. I mean, you obviously are interesting, but maybe you need some practice revealing your true colors to women. Very simply put: women date interesting men. If you are at ease, humorous and confident, you will catch her interest. Some pointers:
- Give some thought to what it is that makes you uniquely you. Those things will be exciting to a woman. Share them with her.
- Breathe deeply, or whatever works so you can leave the nerves at home – relax, have fun.
- Tell an amusing story. Check her body language. If the signs are good, tell another one.
5. – Women love a gentleman. Yes, strong, independent, confident, mature women love a gentleman. Being gallant will impress her. You can do this without being patronizing. It is simply respectful and kind to:
- Hold doors open for her.
- Say please and thank you.
- Pick up the tab.
Most importantly, of course, is that you be yourself. Don’t put on an act to be the guy you think she wants you to be. Instead, be the best version of yourself. Let her see the real you, because, at the end of the day, that’s who you want her to like.
—
This post is republished on Medium.
—
Photo credit: iStock
The most important thing you ever need to know about women is to avoid these kind of articles and recognize that women are each unique. They don’t follow these rules, any more than you follow the rule of what “men” are like. Find a woman you click with, can talk to, that you have a special connection with, and so on. And just work on the rest. Avoid women who you just feel attracted to, but there isn’t anything “there” between you. Rules like this will help you get closer to a woman like that, but then you’ll live a… Read more »
All these points are quite valid, but you are forgetting a few. – Sexual Danger, if you never let a woman know you are interested in her sexually you will automaticly put in a) Not interested B) Just friends – Be yourself = Be your best self. For me it meant to become a jack of all trades, reading A LOT to have interesting topics to talk about – Don’t give a shit what the girl thinks anymore, which weirdly enough made many many more woman attracted to me – Own your balls, what do you want, what are youre… Read more »
Let’s start at the beginning – people lie, about their age, about their appearance, about their whole lives. They eventually get caught, but it pays to be wary. You don’t want to waste your time, be swindled, or worse. On the plus side, most people in the online dating world are… well, people. They’re honest, ordinary human beings with hopes, fears and dreams of their own. They’re looking for a connection, for someone to share their lives with or just someone to talk to. Naturally, there are those with really bizarre ideas of appropriate conduct. Seriously, describing your hunting escapades… Read more »
Right, Jason. I like, Betty, and I agree with all except that pesky number 5. Equality is not a buffet where women get to pick and choose only those entries that are palatable, and leave what remains to the men. It is a full course meal, with all the fixings, and everyone is expected to clean their plate before leaving the table. We have to stop tying to “please women” as first, it is an impossible task that will only leave us spinning. Women are not the Borg (and neither are we). What works for one, will not work for… Read more »
I’ve had the same worldview as yours, but there’s a big difference between. Putting woman on a pedestal and sucking up to her OR Pleasuring a woman, by stimulating all her needs and senses… sexually, mentally, spiritually. The first on will make you look weak, the latter one will make the girl want to-do anything for you. You have a lot to learn, not every woman is a non-selfaware piece of egoistic crap. Don’t limit yourself to Online either, meet woman EVERYWHERE. Facebook, Chatroulette, The Bar, The Club, Social Circles, Gaming, hell I even picked up a girl i public… Read more »
For the most part, I’m not much of a fan of dating advice women give men. Oftentimes it just leads you down a road of following the rabbit down the hole, and before you know it your all of a sudden in Wonderland and nothing around makes any sense. Despite that, for the most part this article gives pretty solid advice and don’t think there’s too much here to get bent out of shape about (except #5, we’ll get to that later). Actually, most of these things you should already by doing anyway, regardless if your doing it to improve… Read more »
“For the most part, I’m not much of a fan of dating advice women give men.”
What are your thoughts about men giving women dating advice?
Honestly, I don’t know. Whenever I look for dating advice online and whatnot I look for information geared toward men. Evan Marc Katz is really the only one I can think of that I’ve read who specifically caters to women on advice about dating men. From what I’ve read, its pretty accurate and straightforward. But other than that I don’t have enough knowledge on what women overall get from men in terms of dating advice.
Thanks for your honest response Jason. But I find it disturbing that you’re not a fan of women giving men dating advice but you ‘don’t know’ about men giving women advice – even sighting at least one man you think gives pretty good advice. Women are people who deserve to have a voice in dating, in what they need and want and how men should treat then just as much as men do. It’s kind of messed up that you don’t believe men should listen to women about dating. It’s like your saying our thoughts and feelings are less important… Read more »
That wasn’t the intent. Sub-human? I just said I’m not a fan of the advice they generally give, never said they don’t deserve a voice in dating. Whenever I have taken dating advice from women, whether it be from aquaintances or online….its just not true and doesn’t work. Sometimes, but its rare. What women say to do is much different how women act in application. It’s often contradicting, such as, “be yourself,” “be nice,” kind of advice, but most women you kind of have to put on an act or they’ll lose interest ASAP. Think of it this way… If… Read more »
@ Jason I’ve seen that first hand on multiple occasions. Once a close friend’s sister threw a party. It was a BBQ and so I decided to wear shorts instead of the pants I usually wear. Since I wasn’t familiar with the neighborhood, I decided to bring my butterfly knife. The only people I knew were my friend and his sister. I tried talking to many of the women there. They wouldn’t give me the time of day. Then I fixed a plate because might as well eat and when I sat down the knife fell out of my pocket… Read more »
Jason, I understand it wasn’t your intent. I know you were being honest. And I appreciate that. I’m being honest too. So yeah, sub-human – as if we don’t know our own minds – as if men know more about dating and women then we know of ourselves. That’s frustrating. On one hand, I can understand why you don’t buy the ‘just be yourself’ advice. Sometimes it feels like that’s not really want men want you to be either. They want you to be more exciting then ‘just yourself”. Or they simply just want someone who is hot first and… Read more »
@Erin, “-as if we don’t know our own minds – as if men know more about dating and women then we know of ourselves.” Oy…you’re going to want to kick my ass when I say this….Although I do not think men know more overall in terms of dating or how women think, I do believe that, yes, from the perspective of being able to evaluate what women want in terms of a partner and communicate that to other men, they are better at it. Its very counter-intuitive, I agree, but from my experiences as well as overall observations, that tends… Read more »
I believe your perception of the advice women give vs men was probably already skewed in favor to men for the simple fact that as a man, you’re going to be partial to men to begin with. I have seen women AND men give bad and good advice. It’s not systematic of gender. And it’s truly a shame that you choose to hold onto a negative stereotype about women specifically. By doing so, you are giving yourself permission to deny women’s own thoughts and feelings and the importance of their own wants and desires in relationships. If you are not… Read more »
Erin….Well this sucks. To me it seemed you and I were having an interesting conversation, and were handling it like mature adults without need of logical fallacies. However, after reading your response…well, fine. Red marker time it is then. “I believe your perception of the advice women give vs men was probably already skewed in favor to men for the simple fact that as a man, you’re going to be partial to men to begin with.” Hate to break it to you, but you are no mind reader. When I was young, I honestly thought my best bet was to… Read more »
Guys, I really think she is simply trying to offer help. Nothing more. Nothing less. We have all read tips on how to have a great interview for a job…practical advice. This is in the same vein as simply trying to help. I don’t like when people say to men “be yourself.” That’s great if being yourself gets the job done and done well. No, I say become a better you (to paraphrase Joel Osteen). If the things the author outlined above does not reflect who your are, then you can work on them. Only do so if you truly… Read more »
Hi Jules,
Overall, I think you’re right. We have to be prepared to work to get what we desire.
However, the dating market is often a little more discriminating regarding looks and “chemistry” than the job market.
Also, you will more rarely get yelled at, teased, or called out as a creep for flunking a job interview than for misinterpreting a woman’s possible interest in you… 🙂
Hi FlyingKal,
You have a good point. I know human relationships, dating in particular, are more complex.
But, ask yourself this….would it not be nice if one could cultivate those qualities she outlined above? Not to get women. Rather as great intrinsic attributes. it’s like eating healthy and exercising. These are good for us period.
Hi Jules,
Please read my post below, from Feb 25 06:00 am. It was actually posted right after my previous post, and Before you wrote this, but was hoeld up for moderation.
(Also, any insight from you regarding the comment I linked to would be much appreciated, as I take great interest in your opinion and experience.)
Regarding this, yes you are right. Cultivating those qualities she outlines is most often good by itself, whether they help you in meeting women or not.
@ FlyingKal, Regarding you post in the link, “Halfway through the meal, she suddenly looked up at me and said, “You know, your girlfriend must be a real lucky woman.” “Well, thank you.” I smiled and retorted, quite matter-of-factly “But I don’t have a girlfriend.” At that, it was like a curtain fell over her eyes and her smile froze. She turned half away from me and vividly joined a conversation with her neighbours on the other side of the table. The only thing she said to me again was that since I had cooked us dinner, she offered to… Read more »
Thank you for your answer and suggestions, Jules. But as I’ve already mentioned to Steve, I was not at that point harboring a romantic interest in that woman, nor was I contemplating a romantic or sexual encounter of any kind. So whether or not I misinterpreted her feelings for me as a “great guy” as her having a romantic interest in me, is really not the issue here. One possibility is that she was “fishing” to see IF I currently had a girlfriend. But if she was interested, why would she run away when she learned that I hadn’t? Unless… Read more »
And again, It’s not that there’s anything wrong per se with the advice handed out. It’s just that they tend to overlook one or several cruisal realities that some people may have less experience having to deal with, and therefore (seem to) have a tendency to turn a blind eye to. Ex: “4. – Be interesting. I mean, you obviously are interesting, but maybe you need some practice revealing your true colors to women. Very simply put: women date interesting men. If you are at ease, humorous and confident, you will catch her interest.” It seems rather straightforward and obvious,… Read more »
Hi guys,
Thank you for the great comments. The inside tips are for you to show women the best version of the real you through your actions. Men are confident, good listeners, use body language, interesting and gentlemanly and women appreciate all those wonderful characteristics that make up the real you and want to see more of it. Actions speak the loudest to women.
“Men are confident, good listeners, use body language, interesting and gentlemanly “ Well, obviously not all of us, since this article (among many others) was written to teach how to be all that. I’ve usually found in life that making a woman happy and raising her romantic interest seem to be two counteracting phenomenons. I consider myself a rather good listener, and have found it quite easy to make a woman happy. Raising a romantic interest has been considerably harder for reasons still unknown to me. But, as I have eventually managed to attract a romantic interest, the “making her… Read more »
Betty, this site is supposed to be about demolishing gender stereotypes. Nothing against you personally, but I am concerned that the site goes to such great pains to proclaim “eating stereotypes for lunch” and then permit an article like this that reinforces gender stereotypes. The list you provide I would expect to see on Cosmo with a title like “How To Be a Real Man”. Men trying to force themselves into boxes to comply with the desire (or whims?) of women can be damaging. The contradiction inherent in such articles is especially unhelpful. Once again, nothing personal, but I have… Read more »
I’m confused… haven’t you just written a 400 word article telling men how to act to suit women?
A Futurama quote if I may?
Bender: Yeah, what’s the deal? Just when I thought I’d figured out you biological creatures, it’s something else! Lemme at ‘im!
I’m confused too. So it’s be yourself as long as it incorporates all of the above and if you’re not all the above change yourself into someone who has incorporated the above? I’m sure glad I’m married.
I think it’s more along the lines of “Be yourself, and hope you intrinsically have these attributes if you want to be desirable at all”
Tom,
I think the verdict is “Be yourself. It’ll make it so much easier for us to sort out the ones worthy of our attention that way.”
🙂