It’s been 3 years since my relationship. The relationship doesn’t become stronger so easily.
In the first year of our relationship when we started dating — I was in my undergrad and he was in his graduation and we were not even talking with each other daily.
As we both were busy with our stuff and most importantly it was long distance. So, we were taking things slowly.
I was not the type of girlfriend who wants that her boy should call him 2–3 times a day and give more attention. I was more like just be fully present when we are together or on a call. As we both were introverted kind of person. We needed our space to open up and that’s why we took everything gradually.
It’s been 3 years now and from the last year, we started talking daily. I could say that we took tiny steps but it was so beautiful for our relationship.
I see around that many people wants that relationship should works fast and your partner should understand you always but it’s a long road to become fully comfortable with each other.
I am not saying we are perfect. We have our own flaws and at times I don’t want to talk to him for no reason. I just want my space but over these three years being with each other we do these tiny bits of things that make us closer and make our bond stronger.
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1. We talk about our fears
I had a call from him today and we had basic Good Morning and he just bumped into something important that he wanted to share. He was like — Do you know what happened today?
I was like how could I know, common tell me.
He started talking about his job and how things are changing at his workplace. He was fearing about some new responsibilities and so on.
I was patiently listening to his views and then I gave him hope and shared my opinion in a kind manner because I knew at this moment it was important for me to comfort him that things will be alright.
A lesson you can apply from it
This is just a simple example but now we talk about our darkest secrets. Expressing your vulnerability doesn’t happen at the start. It takes time to know each other.
I have seen many people just talk good things and don’t want to show their dark side but it’s so important to be real and express your true feelings to your partner in a relationship. I think that everyone should be genuine and should talk about fears. I know it is hard to express at times but remember it takes time. So give that time but be expressive so that your bond gets stronger.
Let them love your dark side and for that make an effort to talk about those scars.
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2. We teach each other skills on weekends
As we both are in the same field that is Computer. So we have decided to teach other skills that we know.
As I work in a different field of computer and he works in some other. So by exchanging ideas we spend time with each other plus it’s good for our career as well. Even on the side I recently started making posters so he wants to know what software I use, how I do a particular thing of designing, and so on.
This way it becomes so interesting to make each other learn something new.
A lesson you can apply from it
I know many couples work in different fields. Like if your partner is a doctor and you are a writer so you can’t learn something about doctoring if you are not in that field.
But at the same time, you know that your partner is good at certain things and you are not. So you can learn such skills. It may be the basic household stuff. For example
- Your partner makes a particular cooking dish very delicious. So you can try that.
- Maybe your partner is into gaming and you want to learn that game for fun so that you both can play with each other.
- Maybe your partner plays guitar or a particular instrument and you want to learn that.
- Maybe your partner invests in digital currency so you can take advice from them or you both can read articles about it together.
Everyone has unique skills and if we try to spend time together by learning those skills it will be really beneficial for every relationship.
Know you can figure out what you want to learn from each other I guess.
. . .
3. We talk about our finances and bills payment
Right now, we both are living away but soon we will be together hopefully. So for that, we started discussing how we are going to split bills and our expenses.
It’s so important to discuss finances as you can’t put pressure on one person.
We have decided that we are going to give our half- half shares but in my case, I am going to still study further and I am going to work part-time. So I will give expenses based on my income and he will share based on his.
A lesson you can apply from it
This is our way of splitting. In your case, it may be different. Maybe you both are earning equally or maybe one has lost a job or not working for time being. There are many different scenarios in every relationship. So based on that have a conversation about your finances.
Talk about how each one is going to contribute. For example:
- How you can budget your monthly income at a low cost?
- On what things you will spend less?
- How you are going to save?
- Where you both are going to invest and so on?
Talk about money in short. Ask questions about it. It’s important to track where your monthly expenses are going and what you are saying.
. . .
4. We are okay with not forcing things on each other
I write to Medium and I really wanted him to read my every article and share his opinion but he doesn’t read my every article.
I started debating, questioning, and fighting for it and I began putting pressure on him to read.
Later on, I understood from the way he reacted that it was forceful and he even said to me in simple words — Look, I am proud of you that you are doing what you love but I will read when I want to and when I feel like.
As he is not into reading much. So I became okay with it as time passed and stopped forcing. So, now he gives me ideas at times to write on a certain topic, and this way things have become more real.
A lesson you can apply from it
You get that vibes when you pressure something on your partner. So notice that and have a conversation about that.
It may lead to serious talk as your opinion differs but you will be okay eventually when things are not forced and automatically natural things start to flow. So when forcing is stopped, the true feeling comes into action and that leads to a good bond in every relationship.
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5. We appreciate and praise each other for our actions
Recently, I saw some good changes in our conversations. I told my partner that the way you are talking with me in the past weeks makes me feel good. We both don’t know what has changed but it was a natural feeling that came and I shared with him. He was happy to listen to such good words.
In this way be expressive about certain actions you like about your partner.
A lesson you can apply from it
Small acts are priceless. Sometimes your partner doesn’t know that certain actions make you happy. So let them know that. It may be:
- Their morning message.
- Coffee in bed or the food they make.
- Their kind gestures of bringing you flowers or holding hands in public.
There are endless things to praise about. So be thankful for it and express the good they do for you.
. . .
Final Conclusion
You can’t find the right relationship you need to develop it by working with your significant other.
Finding is a lie. You need to work and create a beautiful bond together. So stop expecting and finding perfection in your partner instead create a beautiful bond together by expressing, working, developing, and putting effort into it.
It will take time but it’s a journey that will keep on going endlessly.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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